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Email etiquette and other random thoughts.


Bethlehem

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I’ve noticed recently a distinct difference in how my dh and I email. 
 

I do the standard greeting- hi, good morning etc and use a nice sign off. We had an email etiquette unit done as part of our induction to the job that said to always use this. 
 

DH doesn’t at all. No fluffy, just name, straight into issue. 
dh name. 
I’ve noticed this is much more his style when he’s in the position of strength or in negotiations. 
He also has a bad habit of retaining a little bit of information that is critical in his decision making, that I don’t know, then sounding like the authority rather than listening to me and letting me know!

Is this due to my social conditioning? 

How do you all handle this?

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Seayork2002

I do a greeting but then keep it simple after that, I think a greeting is nice but I hate reading 3 paragraphs of something that can be put in 3 sentences

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I do a greeting as well, and a nice sign off, but as I don’t have any control over how other people email I don’t let it bother me. DH uses email a bit like instant messenger, not much in the way of salutation. His deal not mine. 

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MintyBiscuit

The email part I’m like you OP. DH it depends on the situation, a lot of work emails between colleagues are fairly informal and blunt as that’s the way they all do it, but other emails he’s similar to me. 
 

The second issue of withholding information would drive me insane. If you’re a team you work together, and you both need all available info to do that. That would piss me off 

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I hate when people just do a name, with no greeting. It sounds very blunt and demanding. I also find it weird when people just say 'hi', but don't use your name. Especially when it's people that you know. 

I've noticed that I have a tendency to be unnecessarily apologetic, or come across as pushover in my emails, so I'm working on chopping all that out. 

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At my old workplace jarring blunt emails were the standard communication style. I found it uncomfortable and often wondered why management never addressed it. I think email replaces face to face interaction or phone calls  a lot of the time in a workplace and I most people wouldn’t dream of speaking to others like that. 

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1 hour ago, Biscuits said:

I hate when people just do a name, with no greeting. It sounds very blunt and demanding. I also find it weird when people just say 'hi', but don't use your name. Especially when it's people that you know. 

I've noticed that I have a tendency to be unnecessarily apologetic, or come across as pushover in my emails, so I'm working on chopping all that out. 

This! 

 

People I email regularly - like DP (ex) and in work context friends not foes. 

I don't do a greeting or sign off (actually DP was maybe a 'love you' on the end)

I have kind regards in my email sig anyway... 

But yeah I treat email like text in a regular communication. 

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I usually do Hi Blah, <main text> then finish with thanks, and my sig is after that. 

However if I'm having an email conversation or replying I won't always bother with the niceties on every email.

I do Hi, with no name if it's a bunch of people or I don't know who I'll be talking to like a generic email address.

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If I’m talking to immediate colleagues I’ll always address everyone in the salutation, (or just say hi all if there are more than 3 or 4 people)  but if it’s the latest in a string of emails we all tend to not bother with the salutation. 
I work in a big organisation so I’ll often ask how someone is going if I haven’t seen them for a while and the same if I have a relationship with someone outside the organisation. 
Generally I sign off Kind regards, Many thanks, or cheers (if it’s someone I know well). I try to keep things brief, because I often have to include  a lot of background info, and I’m a great one for maps/plans/aerial photos/screenshots etc rather than trying to describe something. 

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5 hours ago, Ozgirl said:

 

I have kind regards in my email sig anyway... 

Can I add this as a pet peeve, if not done well? Like, if it’s in a different font / colour to the body of the email, or if the person forgets it’s there and adds another sign off. Comes across as so insincere. 

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LemonMyrtle

I email like your husband, then I remember that I’m emailing a woman and so I go back and add the greeting and niceties. The men I email don’t care, just the women. So I make an effort for the women. 

yes, it’s sexist, and yes it’s probably conditioning of some sort since birth. But I didn’t make the rules, I just follow them, so that the women at work don’t start hating me. 

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32 minutes ago, ali-song said:

Can I add this as a pet peeve, if not done well? Like, if it’s in a different font / colour to the body of the email, or if the person forgets it’s there and adds another sign off. Comes across as so insincere. 

Of yes I agree!

I made sure it blended. 

Honestly the social niceties annoy me. 

I remeber someone writting into the paper years ago, or maybe a seinfield ep where it was discussed about what do you do when you run into someone multiple times in a day in the office... 

Multiple emails a day... niceties are out the window. 

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ineedmorecoffee

I use Good Morning or Good Afternoon if its to more than 2-3 people.

If its one person, Hi Name

If its two people, Hi A/B

if its the second or third reply in an email trail, I drop the hello’s.

Always sign off with regards or kind regards.

Always use dates in full form i.e. Monday 12/07/21, as I have received some daft questions in the past re dates.

I usually read an email twice before hitting send to see if I can cull waffle words.

Edited by ineedmorecoffee
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Spidey_Senses

 I work siimilarly to ineedmorecoffee above,  depends on context.     And which person Im talking to.  An elderly family member Id be more likely to write as if I were writing a letter,  my kids I wouldnt bother with dear xyz as they grew up with text speak. 

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I always include a greeting, unless it's a reply within the same day. I always sign off with 'cheers' unless I'm really stroppy at which point there will be at most a 'Thanks.' Always include a plain 'regards' in my signature.

Fluffy chit chat only comes in if I'm replying to only one person, but I try hard to keep up positive relationships because people will then come and tell me things I need to know - I just do it in instant messaging rather than email.

My team get emoji replies - I signed one with 💜💜 just tonight (she is a real sweetheart who is always thinking of others).

There is a trend of men at work who are 'too busy' for polite emails. No one goes out of their way to help them. I find treating people with courtesy fosters collaborative relationships as well as being in line with my belief that everyone deserves respect.

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Purpleblaze

My DH is more direct, I'll do more niceties and such.  I've been actively removing the word "just" and "maybe" as I was using it all the time and can come across as less decisive.

Text messages are the same, 3-5 sentences from me is equivalent to 1 from DH.  He just gets to the point.

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For me it depends on who I am emailing. 

Most of my emails start with an “Hi xx” and ends with a “Regards,” or a “Thanks”. For some people, I even add in a “Hope you have been well” if I haven’t spoken to them for a while. 

If I’m emailing people I’m close to at work then there might not be any pleasantries exchange. In fact with one very senior person (M twice removed), I’ve worked with him for years and we exchange emails quite frequently so I’m so used to emailing him so direct without any pleasantries that that it feels weird to sometimes start with a “Hi xx” and end with a “Regards,” when I’m copying in other people etc. and have to be a bit more formal. 

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2 hours ago, mandelbrot said:

I always include a greeting, unless it's a reply within the same day. I always sign off with 'cheers' unless I'm really stroppy at which point there will be at most a 'Thanks.' Always include a plain 'regards' in my signature.

Fluffy chit chat only comes in if I'm replying to only one person, but I try hard to keep up positive relationships because people will then come and tell me things I need to know - I just do it in instant messaging rather than email.

My team get emoji replies - I signed one with 💜💜 just tonight (she is a real sweetheart who is always thinking of others).

There is a trend of men at work who are 'too busy' for polite emails. No one goes out of their way to help them. I find treating people with courtesy fosters collaborative relationships as well as being in line with my belief that everyone deserves respect.

OMG, you have just reminded me of a pet peeve of mine, 

 

The thank you for thanking me email.

Annoys the shit out of me. 

Nobody needs excessive emails in their inbox! 

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I heard/read somewhere that women tend to be more apologetic, pleading and we try to justify the request. We see it as being polite but we can minimise what we are requesting:

I.e "good morning Greg,

I'm sorry to have to ask this but can you please send me the document as a PDF? Im sorry for the hassle, however I need to be able to upload it into the server in that format.

If you need help to convert it or your unsure on how to do it,please let me know and I will sort something else out. Thank you so much" 

Instead of 

"Hi Greg,

Can you please resend that document as a PDF by lunchtime?

Thanks"

So I have email alter egos! In general work stuff I am just *nanny plum*.however if I need to send emails to senior management of global companies...I am not *Nanny plum*...I am *Mr Nan Plum* 

Mr Nan, is a 70yr old mansplainer liberal (he has a moustache 😉), who will email with *facts* and let you know that you are *wrong* and that you're a prize dickwad in corporate old man speak. 😁😁

Let's ignore that most 70year old men write emails like: 

OKAY. SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY AT 4.30PM. AT DOMAIN.

BYE.

 

😂😂 (That might just be my FIL though)

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Sancti-claws

I always have to remember to go back and put the greeting on - we got a reminder at work to put greetings in even with internal emails.

A lot of my work emails are the same thing but different details, so I have A LOT as quickparts - just have to remember when I am updating details to change the "Good GREETING" bit at the top!!!

I am a yours sincerely person even though the fashion on that has been out for over 30 years.  I will occasionally add a thank you.

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Silverstreak

I think I am somewhere in the middle, I always put Dear X and Regards, Silverstreak, but I don't always remember to put in a how are you. I am also an over apologiser in emails.

OP your DH's approach seems a little adversarial, he doesn't need to 'play to win' in every situation. 

On an unrelated note, my DH is the worst texter in the world, he loathes using his phone and I receive terse messages such as "Peas", "Milk", "Where U at?" or my favourite one "Burgers?" hahahaha!

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