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Real impact of patriarchy on your life currently

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Alta Gaudia
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#276

Anne Bonny wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 11:48 amIt is worth mentioning here though because the entire thing should have been a ridiculously hard sell to women, including to women of faith. But it was predicated on weaponising the pressures of juggling the two spheres of work and home , the effects of patriarchy resisting feminism - the same stuff we're seeing described over and over on this thread 40 years later.

But instead of saying men need to step up more and that women should be allowed to de-invest in reproducing without being pariahs, they sold to Christian women this idea that feminism had set them up to be unhappy. Being told you can "have it all" is a myth and don't you want to return to some mythical time when things were "less complicated" They also repackaged a lifestyle based very explicitly around extreme patriarchy while trotting out a line on sex that said "equal but different" which on the surface sounds far more innocuous than it actually is once the frog is boiled..
There's another aspect to it too, that I think made it an easier sell than it should have been. Already in fundamentalist circles there was a conviction that "the world" (=everyone outside our little narrow circle) was going to hell in a handbasket; all types of vice and crime and evil are increasing exponentially and society has become a physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually unsafe place. So the patriarchal family with its rigid structures and deeply entrenched boundaries was sold as protection against that world and its dangers.

For women who genuinely worried about their children going off the rails, becoming addicts, becoming promiscuous, becoming atheist, (whatever; insert dreadful outcome here). the promise of a bunker which would shelter them from all of that could seem very appealing. Even perhaps worth the costs, if they thought about the costs.

The fear was real, and - if overblown - not entirely unjustified, and it was exploited dreadfully.

Personal comment: I relate to all of this so differently because the very abusive and somewhat patriarchal household I was raised in, didn't particularly associate any of that with religion. We weren't churchgoing or part of a faith community. For me, church has been the place where I could discover independence and work through my trauma to a healthy place. But I have seen enough spiritual abuse and its aftermath to appreciate that in some ways I've been very fortunate.
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CrankyM
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#277

Eye contact is fucking torture. I can't do it. I just can't. And I do not get why it is so important for being "normal". I usually stare at someone's hair or ear or glance at their nose. Or jump between people so I don't actually have to look at creepy eyes. A glance is fine but being expected to make eye contact and keep it is the best way to make me shut down and lose total focus on whatever is going on. As my kid said, "Why do people keep saying make eye contact when talking? I don't hear through my ears!"
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Kallie
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#278

I'm fairly certain I'm neurotypical and even I'm not a big fan of eye contact. I can do it, but I don't particularly like it. Probably the ingrained submissiveness..
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CrankyM
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#279

Yeah lack of eye contact is consider okay by many men because it’s a sign of submission and being humble blah blah blah blah.
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