Jump to content
IGNORED

Real impact of patriarchy on your life currently


Alta Gaudia

Recommended Posts

[mention]Anne Bonny[/mention] I have been one of the religious women targeted. But I was raised by a religious women who never preached feminism as such but brought me up with a very feminist outlook. Her daughter wasn't going to miss out just because she was a girl. So they never got a look in with me.


But I did go through the phase of rejecting feminism as it had locked me into the same work chains as my male peers, with extra chains for being a woman. Luckily I kinda knew it wasn't feminism fault, and when I stumbled onto EB I found the kinda feminists I can relate to. My issues weren't with feminism but capitalism. So I get why young women can be disaffected.


I hate that the QF et al have stolen the Proverbs 31 woman from me. Damn it I liked the version I knew. Small business woman, capable of tackling any task, looks after her family. In short, doesn't actually need her husband but he needs her. Probably not what was meant, but it was what I read into that passage as as 19 year old.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 261
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • purplekitty

    15

  • DaLittleEd

    15

  • Anne Bonny

    14

  • Bethlehem

    12

Top Posters In This Topic

Alta Gaudia
It is worth mentioning here though because the entire thing should have been a ridiculously hard sell to women, including to women of faith. But it was predicated on weaponising the pressures of juggling the two spheres of work and home , the effects of patriarchy resisting feminism - the same stuff we're seeing described over and over on this thread 40 years later.


But instead of saying men need to step up more and that women should be allowed to de-invest in reproducing without being pariahs, they sold to Christian women this idea that feminism had set them up to be unhappy. Being told you can "have it all" is a myth and don't you want to return to some mythical time when things were "less complicated" They also repackaged a lifestyle based very explicitly around extreme patriarchy while trotting out a line on sex that said "equal but different" which on the surface sounds far more innocuous than it actually is once the frog is boiled..

 

There's another aspect to it too, that I think made it an easier sell than it should have been. Already in fundamentalist circles there was a conviction that "the world" (=everyone outside our little narrow circle) was going to hell in a handbasket; all types of vice and crime and evil are increasing exponentially and society has become a physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually unsafe place. So the patriarchal family with its rigid structures and deeply entrenched boundaries was sold as protection against that world and its dangers.


For women who genuinely worried about their children going off the rails, becoming addicts, becoming promiscuous, becoming atheist, (whatever; insert dreadful outcome here). the promise of a bunker which would shelter them from all of that could seem very appealing. Even perhaps worth the costs, if they thought about the costs.


The fear was real, and - if overblown - not entirely unjustified, and it was exploited dreadfully.


Personal comment: I relate to all of this so differently because the very abusive and somewhat patriarchal household I was raised in, didn't particularly associate any of that with religion. We weren't churchgoing or part of a faith community. For me, church has been the place where I could discover independence and work through my trauma to a healthy place. But I have seen enough spiritual abuse and its aftermath to appreciate that in some ways I've been very fortunate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Eye contact is fucking torture. I can't do it. I just can't. And I do not get why it is so important for being "normal". I usually stare at someone's hair or ear or glance at their nose. Or jump between people so I don't actually have to look at creepy eyes. A glance is fine but being expected to make eye contact and keep it is the best way to make me shut down and lose total focus on whatever is going on. As my kid said, "Why do people keep saying make eye contact when talking? I don't hear through my ears!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm fairly certain I'm neurotypical and even I'm not a big fan of eye contact. I can do it, but I don't particularly like it. Probably the ingrained submissiveness..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah lack of eye contact is consider okay by many men because it’s a sign of submission and being humble blah blah blah blah.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nom_de_plume

I was on my way home from playing sport today, with all 3 kids in tow. I play several sports that are considered traditionally 'male', at a relatively competitive/elite level. As in, the next step would be to play in the top level elite competition in the country, or represent Australia, and many of the women I play with/against do.


I stopped at the shops to buy a few things, still in my playing uniform, and a bloke in his 50s or 60s said to me 'oh did you umpire today love? How do you find the time to do that with 3 kids?' I was like 'no mate, I play and I find time because I enjoy it.'


DD (my youngest) piped up and said 'Mummy got 3 votes today!' and the old bloke shook his head and said 'I can't understand why women want to play a man's sport ...' to which DD said 'Yeah well I play too and anything you can do, my Mum can do better!' My boys laughed and I just shrugged and walked off.


I am seething about the encounter now though. Stupid old man.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bethlehem

The stats in this article.


Percentage of individuals reporting weekly sport participation:

Age group Boys/Men Girls/Women

6-8 52 55

9-12 68 58

13-15 64 47

16-18 56 38

19-23 49 25

24-31 43 21

32-38 34 20

39-54 25 15

55-63 25 13

Source: Canadian Women & Sport, The Rally Report, (2020)


Keeping girls in the game is important for gender equity in sport. It’s an important step not just for the betterment of sport, but also our society.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

StillFreddiesMum

I dropped out of the 2 sports I loved - swimming and netball - as a chubby 13 / 14 year old. I have never played netball again and it has taken me decades of my life to go back into a swimming pool and actually have a swim.


My dropping out (at that age) was that my body was changing (getting fatter) and it felt so uncomfortable to have to swim in front of the boys (co-ed high school). With netball I just stopped going because I was ashamed of my size.


Because I now have 2 DDs - I am encouraging them to keep playing sports / doing any kind of fitness that they like doing. DD#2 has my body type / shape - short and stocky - and she makes the comments about her changing body that I thought about my own body all those years ago - I emphasis how she is strong and healthy and by continuing to p[ay sports she is continuing to grow, continuing to be strong and healthy and keeping fit. I wish my Mum had said something like that to me all those years ago.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I dropped out of the 2 sports I loved - swimming and netball - as a chubby 13 / 14 year old. I have never played netball again and it has taken me decades of my life to go back into a swimming pool and actually have a swim.


My dropping out (at that age) was that my body was changing (getting fatter) and it felt so uncomfortable to have to swim in front of the boys (co-ed high school). With netball I just stopped going because I was ashamed of my size.

 

 

It's interesting how we have such different experiences. I was far more intimidated by showing my body to other nasty and judgemental girls. The boys at school could not care less.

It was never the boys who made me uncomfortable at school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MaryanneK

I remember being at uni and mentioning in passing to a male uni friends father that I played a particular sport. He said something basically like "that's not something women should do"and I was so taken aback, like genuinely confused, I still remember it clearly 20 years later. It was a real shock to me because I was at a private girls school where girls did everything. So there was no division of sport or academic subjects or arts or anything along gender lines so I literally had no concept of "girls things" and "boys things". Girls did everything and we f ing did it all brilliantly! I'm sure if his son had said he was taking up ballet he would have said that's something men don't do...... Is that patriarchy? I see it more as artificial/restrictive gender roles which make me furious..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alta Gaudia
Is that patriarchy? I see it more as artificial/restrictive gender roles which make me furious..

 

I think the restricted gender roles stuff is all part of the patriarchy package. I know it stifles boys/men too, but overall I think it impacts more heavily on girls/women. I certainly feel the impact of it in my work.


Personally I struggle with sport of any sort, but I don't think that's particularly a gender thing. I think it's a general avoidance of public humiliation thing!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nom_de_plume

I grew up with two brothers and the mantra in our family was 'You can do anything you want, as long as you put your mind to it and work hard enough!' I bloody hate it whenever anyone tells me 'You can't/shouldn't do that because you're female.' It's like waving a red flag to a bull. Two words. Watch me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Advertisement

×
×
  • Create New...