What's the longest you've held a grudge for?

[VictorineTheCatLover]

There was a woman who destroyed our business in 1998. As in actively campaigned to council and NPWS to get it closed because we were more successful. She was the cause of DH bankruptcy. If I could kill her and get away with it I would and we were just many in a queue to do the same. She destroyed many lives.

[Laridae]

My middle name. It would be a perfectly fine middle name, if it wasn't my sister's first name.

[Kadoodle]

My middle name. It would be a perfectly fine middle name, if it wasn't my sister's first name.

That’s a bit rude of your parents to do that!

[ineedmorecoffee]

I would have also taken Amanda over my name any day.
Being a child with an ethnic sounding name in the 80’s was not fun at all, teachers would actually say ‘that’s unusual’ and ‘that’s odd’ to my face. Grew up hating my name and I hated meeting new people as I didn’t want to say my name.

I use a preferred name at work now and still have to deal with my legal name everywhere else. Can’t be bothered changing it as it’s just too hard.

[dancepuppydance]

I would have also taken Amanda over my name any day.
Being a child with an ethnic sounding name in the 80’s was not fun at all, teachers would actually say ‘that’s unusual’ and ‘that’s odd’ to my face. Grew up hating my name and I hated meeting new people as I didn’t want to say my name.

I use a preferred name at work now and still have to deal with my legal name everywhere else. Can’t be bothered changing it as it’s just too hard.

Ditto. I use the box on all forms "known as". I really hate my name.

[Fruitmincepies]

I'm dying to know your real names, especially you 22FMP !
I hate my real name too
I hold a grudge against a kid who hit me at school because I called him out for being an arse. I think I was grade 3? Definitely 30 plus years!

I’ve got an old lady name, but it’s not one that’s come back into fashion, more Ethel than Iris.

[overlytired]

My parents. There’s so many beautiful names out there, but they chose Amanda.

You should hear mine!! I just wanted a nice normal name.

Can you spell that?
So how do you pronounce it?
Sorry how did you spell it again?
And it's *completely butchered version*?
Yeah close enough. Whatever.

[Raises hand] "Ethnic name" here. I hear you.

My grudge is the kid from kindergarten to grade 6. I still hold a grudge but he went into politics and got his comeuppance (they were publishing caricatures of him in the newspapers – can't get much better than that).

[FloFlo]

I try not to hold grudges because I think it's pointless. It won't change what has already happened. However, I'm only human so if there's any grudges I'd hold it would be against the bullies in primary school (1980s) who constantly made my life a misery. There were times I even thought about climbing onto the roof of the school and jumping off. There really is no excuse for that shit.

The other grudge I hold is against my year 3 teacher. We were doing art in class one day, painting plaster seahorses. I was doing mine all colourful and was very proud of my work when she came running over to me, grabbed me and started shaking me and calling me a stupid pathetic child. Turned out we were supposed to paint all the seahorses one colour and have them all look the same. I didn't know this and did my own thing. I was so upset I threw it across the room and ran out with her chasing me. I had this teacher twice a week and every day I had her she would abuse and put me down. A few years later when I was in year six, she pointed to me as I was walking past and said very loudly to another teacher I can't stand that child. To be fair, I couldn't stand that abusive bitch so I didn't care how she felt about me.

[Bad Cat]

I hold a grudge against my mother for not taking me to see ABBA. It would be OK if we didn't go because she couldn't afford it, or even if she'd just said no. But no, it's so much worse. She bought me tickets for my birthday. She had plans to take me. I was excited for weeks. We would drive from Canberra to Sydney, it would be a big and exciting day. And she cancelled it. She cancelled the whole trip and broke my little heart because.... because.... it was.... (gasp)... raining.

[Ernegirl]

I hold a grudge against my mother for not taking me to see ABBA. It would be OK if we didn't go because she couldn't afford it, or even if she'd just said no. But no, it's so much worse. She bought me tickets for my birthday. She had plans to take me. I was excited for weeks. We would drive from Canberra to Sydney, it would be a big and exciting day. And she cancelled it. She cancelled the whole trip and broke my little heart because.... because.... it was.... (gasp)... raining.

There was something in the air that night...

(Sorry).

[Ernegirl]

I hold grudges against anyone who is mean. So that's a lot of ticks over a lifetime.

But I also have good memories of angels of kindness, and that's a lot of ticks too.

[FiveAus]

I hold a grudge against my mother for not taking me to see ABBA. It would be OK if we didn't go because she couldn't afford it, or even if she'd just said no. But no, it's so much worse. She bought me tickets for my birthday. She had plans to take me. I was excited for weeks. We would drive from Canberra to Sydney, it would be a big and exciting day. And she cancelled it. She cancelled the whole trip and broke my little heart because.... because.... it was.... (gasp)... raining.

I saw Abba. Sidney Myer Music Bowl in Melbourne, 1977. It was unforgettable, they were fabulous. So sorry you didn't see them. I also saw Rod Stewart at around the same time. Also amazing.

[FiveAus]

There is nothing wrong with Amanda, it's a lovely name. It's far far better than Gayle, which very specifically puts me in a particular age group. And it was never popular then either.
I really hated it when I tried to make a Hotmail address using my name and it kept getting rejected because it contained a word that "may be offensive to some".
No amount of appealing to their help desk would make them let me have it. They kept telling me to choose another name. I wish!

[LemonMyrtle]

I’m still angry at my primary school teacher for making me apologise to the naughty boy over some silly joke I made. I rarely spoke to anyone that wasn’t my friend, I should have been rewarded for talking to him at all. The little shit went and complained though. I blame that and another similar incident for reaffirming my shyness and social anxiety. I bet if I was a boy I would have got away with it too.

[Iamferalz]

Heather, circa 1979 UK who was my neighbour's school friend. We were playing near her house one day and both my neighbour and I had to go to toilet. My neighbour could go but not me, because I was dark skinned.

[Kiwi Bicycle]

You should hear mine!! I just wanted a nice normal name.

Can you spell that?
So how do you pronounce it?
Sorry how did you spell it again?
And it's *completely butchered version*?
Yeah close enough. Whatever.

[Raises hand] "Ethnic name" here. I hear you.

I don't hate my ethnic name ( btw mum heard it on a episode of Kojak) but my MIL cannot say my name! She's known me for 21 years now and still cannot say it. Plus she invited her two friends to my destination wedding without telling me until they had booked and paid for plane tickets. So they had to be there. In my wedding photos. One I had never meet in my entire life.
So yes I guess I am holding a grudge against my MIL.

[ineedmorecoffee]

Also would like to add my grudge towards the Year 10 Commerce teacher who pulled me out of class into the corridor to tell me ‘I would never amount to anything’.
Ok I was away from school a lot, but who says that to a 15 year old kid!? Wish I had gone back to stick my Bachelor of Commerce in her face

[Seayork2002]

I have a million joke lighthearted grudges but no serious ones I think life is too short for them

[Annsy]

In Yr7 my best friend asked me to email her my work for an assignment because she was struggling, she promised she wouldnt copy me but needed some inspiration. Needless to say she copied me word for word, and even worst got a higher grade than me from the teacher. I still wish I had raised it with her and the teacher then, instead I just never trusted her with my work ever again and Im still tiptoeing around at work instead of ripping into people like I should.

At a friends playing as kids, one girl wrote the F word on a chalkboard incorrectly. I corrected the spelling. We both got grounded. Though she was let off after 2 days, and I had to go a whole week. Still dont understand why I was in trouble and still hold a grudge against my parents for it.

[Dusty]

Apologies for getting all sensible and adult, I don’t hold grudges, it’s like comparing yourself to someone else, it robs you of being happy in the moment.

I know I sound woo but I don’t care.

[Jolly_F]

It’s interesting that people think grudges take energy or rob you of happiness... they don’t, you rarely worry about then until you have too, which isn’t often for me but the grudge is still there and I imagine will be until the day I die!!

[Sincerely]

Apologies for getting all sensible and adult, I don’t hold grudges, it’s like comparing yourself to someone else, it robs you of being happy in the moment.

I know I sound woo but I don’t care.

I suspect Jolly_F is right and most people don’t think often about their grudges, but like you, I don’t hold grudges. If I did, there’d be quite a few people currently in my life who wouldn’t be in it. Some people have been horrible to me, but the moment they act even civilly to me, l’ll usually be nice in return. I’ve had a number of people in my life question me about how I can be so nice to ‘X’ when ‘X’ hasn’t been nice to me and they don’t realise the irony that the same question could have applied to them.

[riotproof]

It’s interesting that people think grudges take energy or rob you of happiness... they don’t, you rarely worry about then until you have too, which isn’t often for me but the grudge is still there and I imagine will be until the day I die!!

It depends, doesn’t it? I don’t think holding a grudge is the same as not forgiving someone.
A grudge does tend to imply you think about it at least periodically.

It is probably healthier to let things go and not ruminate. Some people are better at that than others.

[Jolly_F]

It’s interesting that people think grudges take energy or rob you of happiness... they don’t, you rarely worry about then until you have too, which isn’t often for me but the grudge is still there and I imagine will be until the day I die!!

It depends, doesn’t it? I don’t think holding a grudge is the same as not forgiving someone.
A grudge does tend to imply you think about it at least periodically.

It is probably healthier to let things go and not ruminate. Some people are better at that than others.

Definitely depends. In my mind a grudge and not forgiving someone are definitely the same.... I am around the couple of people I hold grudges with and I can be civil to them but I still have no intention of ever letting them off the hook for what they did...

I actually don’t think letting go of things is always the healthier way. Some things can never be forgiven, nor should they be but you can live with that and live a happy fulfilled life without it taking any time!

[Feebi]

I was going to say I don't hold grudges then I remembered someone who bullied me in grade 8. Lets call her Phillipa. I ignored her at our school reunion a few years ago because of it.
Turns out these hurts run deep. I did get to experience a bit of schadenfreude though. She has not aged well - looked like she was late 50s instead of late 40s. I look a darn site better for my age (people often think I'm younger than I am). Whose the ugly one now - bitch.

Then there was someone who I thought was one of my best friends in primary school who was just plain nasty to me in high school. I've had nightmares about her on and off for years. She lives near me now and I see her in the distance at the shops every now and again. I duck for cover / do whatever it takes to avoid having to walk past her