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Change of heart about baby #3?


Crocodilesnap

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Crocodilesnap

So my children are 10 and 7 and from literally halfway through my 2nd pregnancy I have very firmly been in the "I'm well and truly done" club.

Both my pregnancies were hard on me with lots of complications towards the end and both kids have some minor additional needs which any future children also have a high chance of inheriting.

However it's like overnight I've changed my mind and I can't think of much else except the possibility of falling pregnant again and adding to our family.

My husband is surprised but supportive if I really want this.

There are so many negatives (I'm much older, financial, worst possible timing, starting to get some independence back as the kids get older) but I just can't shake the feeling... can anyone relate and maybe help me sort these conflicting thoughts in my head?

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  • Phillipa Crawford

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Kinda. I’m 5 weeks pregnant with number 3 now. My older 2 will be 9 and 7 when this baby is born assuming all goes well. We did speak about it a lot- so I was never in the firmly no camp but it did take us 6 years to decide to have another baby. I’ll be nearly 40 when the baby is born, so I think for us we decided it was now or never, and now it was!

My oldest 2 adore each other and play so lovely together that I do worry the new one won’t have that relationship (there definitely won’t be a number 4!). I’m also worried about going back to the start again when I finally have some freedom with both my kids at school. However I am so happy we have made this step and hoping for a healthy baby in October. Good luck with your decision.

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Phillipa Crawford

We had always intended to have 3 and then No 2 was born and that finished us.

Five years later I was the one peeing on a stick and refusing to look at the result, instead leaving that to DH.

So the gap we ended up with was 6.5 DD1 and 10.5 DS years.

She was and is absolutely adorable but as she is about to turn 21 this is what I learnt

Initially she had 4 parents - as a baby it was great. I had her while they were at school and then handed her over when they got home.

She did most of her napping in the capsule, as she just adjusted to running around to big kids activities.

She didn't walk until nearly 18 months as she always had someone to pick her up

However, as the undisputed baby it took her a long time to have a mind of her own- although when that occurred boy did we find out what she thought. She also taught her friends some very adult concepts along the way courtesy of the big kid conversations she was part of.

As parents we were at the primary school for 17 years, we had a teenager in the house for the same length of time!

She was very sad as the big ones became older teenagers and started going out, moving away from home as she was left behind and I honestly found it difficult to entertain her one on one as we just hadn't done that before.

The big kids kept getting Santa presents until late teenage hood to keep the magic alive for her - so they were pretty impressed.

DH and I have been married for 33 years and coming up for 31 years of parenting.

Having a little one after this gap certainly prolongs the dependent stage, on the other hand the older ones are around to watch her so you aren't tied as much as you were. having a shower and popping down to the shops is fine.

We just took her with us on the holidays you start to have as couple again once the kids are independent, so she has been massively spoilt in that in comparison with the others.

It has certainly delayed the empty nest syndrome.


The one thing I would do differently is I would have gone back for No.4, so she had a sibling closer in age during teenage hood of the older 2. She and DD1 are very close now but as I said she was very sad during that natural teenage pulling away period when DD1 had better things to do than hang out with a little sister.

DS loved having a little one to look after and they are also really close now but the sisterhood is a real thing

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I think, if possible, that in your place I would wait 3-6 months before making any firm decisions.


I have had periods of time where I have been preoccupied by thoughts about pregnancy and more babies but I don't actually want any more children and I think it's been my brain and body playing tricks on me.


The biological impulses involved here can be really strong in my experience.

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DH had 6 year gaps between sibs and really it very hard. Having a 5 year around a high schooler didn't really mesh and MIL at 45 had run out of puff for little kids too. My sister is doing a 7 year gap and my older nephew is having none of getting in the car to drive the baby for a nap thing. He often get dropped off at my parents.

Do you know anyone with a toddler you could babysit with test with your family?

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