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seemingly

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Hi all. Growing up, I had no interest in my family history. Now that I am older, I find myself wanting to know more about my heritage. I knew vaguely that half my cousins on my mother's side were half-cousins, but never really cared or understood what that meant.


Only this year my mum offhandedly said, "my father died; he begged for forgiveness, and to ease his passing, I did, but I'll never forgive him". What? I hadn't even known I had a grandfather alive (until recently)? What did he do? etc. Understandably, it is a little awkward for me to now ask my own mother about her parent's details when maybe she thinks she's protecting me? ...


So... The family tree I've put together has "unknown" for my grandfather on my mother's side and has heaps of information missing for estranged cousin's families (Asian politics, amirite?). The family tree put together by an aunt on my dad's side stretches back literally 7 generations (late 1700s) for my cousins with kids.


I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Maybe - any helpful tips? lol. Stories of your own?

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Seayork2002

We went to Ireland so I could see the area where one of my relatives was from and there was memories of her still even though she left Ireland in the 1920's or there about so of course not now because of covid but visiting places helps visualise their lives more.


The trip there for me was like the show Who do you think you are? We were invited into lunch but a neighbour of my relative and they took us to the house it was one memorable trip that one


Another relative I can trace back with his job to Prochorus from 1century just by Wikipedia so you may find easily accessible public records online

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It might be worth doing a DNA test, Seemingly. They have databases of potential relatives who can help you put together the story. A friend of mine with huge gaps in her knowledge did one and located relatives who her able to fill her in.

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Only this year my mum offhandedly said, "my father died; he begged for forgiveness, and to ease his passing, I did, but I'll never forgive him". What? I hadn't even known I had a grandfather alive (until recently)? What did he do? etc. Understandably, it is a little awkward for me to now ask my own mother about her parent's details when maybe she thinks she's protecting me? ...

 

 

In my experience there are never any offhand remarks made about family secrets. They are always made for a purpose. What was your mum's purpose? I'd guess she wants to tell you about your grandfather and what happened that she could never really forgive him.


In our family my MIL's dying wish was to know more about her father's background as he was placed in an orphanage at 5 years old and never reunited with his (at the time) living but unidentified parents. I was able to get some records released for her that gave her great comfort in the few weeks she had left. My daughter is now, a decade on, trying to trace family via DNA to solve the mystery.


We've also had family members who thought their mother was their sister, apparently common in large families a century ago. Many years ago we had a phone call and found that my mother and her siblings had a much older half sister who had grown up in an orphanage and foster home. And just last year we discovered through DNA another half sister, this time belonging to my grandfather rather than my grandmother. She had been adopted into her mother's side of the family and never knew she was adopted and had died as a young mother. Her daughter (my cousin) had been searching on Ancestry for 10 years and when my daughter uploaded her results it connected us.


I always remember my grandfather saying to me when I was young and interested in family history, "Don't be digging up the past." I guess he knew there were a few secrets to find. P.S. Both my grandparents have been dead since the 1970's.

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OscarandTilly

Family history research can be very interesting.


When my nan died and we looked at her death certificate we realised that she had been married prior to my pop. We then found that she had had 2 children that my father and his siblings knew nothing about.


She came to Australia in 1949 and never saw them again..


Just this year after we bought our daughter a DNA test as a gift did we make contact with one of the children’s daughters. Unfortunately they or their father have no idea what happened for my nan to have left them in the UK.


On my mother’s side the DNA test also linked with a lady that is my uncle’s daughter. They are now planning to meet up soon.

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Chicken Pie

over recent years i fell down the family research hole....can be both frustrating and exciting as it takes time


start with jotting down the names and dates and locations of the people you know. is your grandmother still alive or passed? pm me and i can see if i can do an initial search if you like

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I started doing my family tree earlier this year. Fascinating and addictive. I used Ancestry and did piggy-back on other family members who had done the hard yards.

I mentioned to my mum recently that the official marriage date of her parents was only a few months before she was born. Hmmm. (for my catholic family that is a big deal, though it was wartime)


I've found a great great grandfather who died in an asylum. Need to research that one a bit more, though likely he was just poor and a drunk.

I have paid for a few birth/death certificates to help in my research - making the links that I couldn't do.

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I've been researching my family lines for over 30 years! Some of my relations weren't pleased initially, but now their kids contact me for family names etc for their own kids. Do you think you could tell your Mum that you don't want to upset her but that it would be a shame if you couldn't at least get some of the barest details of her line such as names and dates of birth etc. If she gave you that information, you could then go on and research more deeply without upsetting her further.

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I mentioned to my mum recently that the official marriage date of her parents was only a few months before she was born. Hmmm. (for my catholic family that is a big deal, though it was wartime)

 

 

There's an old saying relating to the days before reliable contraception, "Every first baby in a family is premature" :wink:

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I mentioned to my mum recently that the official marriage date of her parents was only a few months before she was born. Hmmm. (for my catholic family that is a big deal, though it was wartime)

 

 

There's an old saying relating to the days before reliable contraception, "Every first baby in a family is premature" :wink:

 

So true...


Apparently my mum was 3 months early. She weighed in at over 8 pounds :lol:

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Not So Retro

My 2 cousins still don't know their mother was previously married to another man, with the same name as their father, who used to beat her. No children, it didn't last very long for obvious reasons. He was the best man at my parent's wedding though and is in the photos of course

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My dad had no idea his 'granny' was the housekeeper and his real granny died after an abortion at age 23 leaving 6 children. It was a complete family secret due to the shame.

He has spent the 4 years since my mum died compiling the Family Trees on both his side and mum's and it is fascinating. He has spent hundreds on getting copies of death certificates which are so very revealing.

We are all so happy he is doing this, it means the family history will just not die out.



efs

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That info about your dad's grandmother is heartbreaking, [mention]STBG +2[/mention]. 23yo and 6 little ones left behind makes me teary.


My great grandfather married the housekeeper after the death of his wife. The housekeeper was younger than his adult children (all sons) who became estranged from him when he re-married. GGF and the housekeeper went on to have 3 sons, one of whom was my grandfather. I was given my middle name in honour of my GGM.

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That info about your dad's grandmother is heartbreaking, @STBG +2. 23yo and 6 little ones left behind makes me teary.


My great grandfather married the housekeeper after the death of his wife. The housekeeper was younger than his adult children (all sons) who became estranged from him when he re-married. GGF and the housekeeper went on to have 3 sons, one of whom was my grandfather. I was given my middle name in honour of my GGM.

I have photos of her, she looks so much like members of our family and it is sad to think she was so desperate to not have another baby that she took these measures. They were a 'well heeled' family so to speak, they sought the help of a well known woman in the Western District who apparently had quite a hit list :(


Dad told me that fathers often married the housekeepers after losing their wives, he said it was definitely nothing more than a business transaction for some enabling them to get back to work and forget they had children.

Dad thinks my great grandpa seemed to actually love ma though, he said they always looked happy and they had another child too.


I love these stories, they give so much insight into life before us.

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Thank you all for sharing your advice and stories. You make me inspired to investigate further and gave me assurance that seeking out history is something I can do, as long as I am respectful. I never intended to dig up hurts or secrets, I just would like to have this information available to my own children one day - they should know their background...


I ended up reaching out to my eldest cousin on my mum's side and she provided a lot of details for her branch. She was also very enthusiastic, which made me more confident asking my other cousins. I avoided initially asking my aunts/uncles because I didn't want to upset my mum if it got back to her - I think somehow it has already got back to her and/or my earlier request to know more has upset her, as she hasn't replied to my latest message... Reaching out to my cousins also opened my eyes to the fact that for some of them, I had never even private messaged on Facebook, or if I had, it has been 5+ years. You never really think about that, when you see updates on your feed and you like posts etc.


How do you go about researching birth certificates? I guess I should Google first off?

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Thank you all for sharing your advice and stories. You make me inspired to investigate further and gave me assurance that seeking out history is something I can do, as long as I am respectful. I never intended to dig up hurts or secrets, I just would like to have this information available to my own children one day - they should know their background...


I ended up reaching out to my eldest cousin on my mum's side and she provided a lot of details for her branch. She was also very enthusiastic, which made me more confident asking my other cousins. I avoided initially asking my aunts/uncles because I didn't want to upset my mum if it got back to her - I think somehow it has already got back to her and/or my earlier request to know more has upset her, as she hasn't replied to my latest message... Reaching out to my cousins also opened my eyes to the fact that for some of them, I had never even private messaged on Facebook, or if I had, it has been 5+ years. You never really think about that, when you see updates on your feed and you like posts etc.


How do you go about researching birth certificates? I guess I should Google first off?

 

For birth certificates, you link up the Registry of Births Deaths & Marriages in your state. Most states have an online database that you can search up first, which outlines the basic details for that person (name, year of BDM, spouse or parents names as appropriate, etc). Then, once you're sure it's the right person, you can opt to purchase the certificate (often online and delivered electronically a few minutes later!), which will give you more specifics, and can be very helpful in further tracing that person.


What state are you in, seemingly?

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overlytired

I’d love to do mine and my Aunty sent me a lot of info but it’s all in Dutch so not much use unfortunately

 

Google Lens is useful, just point your phone to the text and it will translate (won't be perfect but you'll get the main points). You can also run the URL or the text through Google Translate.

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Thank you all for sharing your advice and stories. You make me inspired to investigate further and gave me assurance that seeking out history is something I can do, as long as I am respectful. I never intended to dig up hurts or secrets, I just would like to have this information available to my own children one day - they should know their background...


I ended up reaching out to my eldest cousin on my mum's side and she provided a lot of details for her branch. She was also very enthusiastic, which made me more confident asking my other cousins. I avoided initially asking my aunts/uncles because I didn't want to upset my mum if it got back to her - I think somehow it has already got back to her and/or my earlier request to know more has upset her, as she hasn't replied to my latest message... Reaching out to my cousins also opened my eyes to the fact that for some of them, I had never even private messaged on Facebook, or if I had, it has been 5+ years. You never really think about that, when you see updates on your feed and you like posts etc.


How do you go about researching birth certificates? I guess I should Google first off?

 

You mentioned "asian politics" in your first post Seemingly, so are your ancestors from another country? It is easy to research Australian details as each state has a Births, Deaths and Marriages website that are very usable. However researching in a different country can be quite a different experience. My dad's family are all north German and its tricky, particularly as I never learned to speak the language.


If you know what region your antecedents are from you should start your googling there.

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VeritasVinumArte

[mention]Jerry[/mention] my Italian side had written circa 1905 a family of the current generation (my great grandfather) back to his great grandparents. What had me giggling was the opening of “The family history of the X family going back 4 generations..... there are our Legitimate children” as The eldest was born 8 months to the day after the wedding. That did take on a further funny light as my nephew was born 8m to the day after my sister’s wedding (he was conceived on her wedding night and slightly Prem in ICU).


Using Ancestry I piggybacked others research and found out my 5th great grandfather was an ex African American Slave who came out of the first fleet. Yeah my sister’s “olive” skin is actually Negro heritage. My mum accused me of lying, that it was incorrect (hey mum ever think why your grandmother was called “Blanche” - because she was whiter than everyone else in the family). My Brother did DNA test which came out as 10% sub sahara African. Mum then took up the reigns and actually got the birth and death certificates which proved First Fleet (and Second Fleet) ancestors who were African American.

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I'm in QLD. I will look at the Registry, as suggested. Googling names didn't help, lol! You can tell I know nothing about researching non-famous people.


My dad's side is Dutch Indonesian, though he was born in Australia. Mum's is Filipino, and again, ignorance on my part, I honestly thought she was born in Australia, but maybe not! Would I then be classed as first generation Australian on my mother's side, but second generation on my father's? Any children of mine would be third generation Australian, with an Australian-born partner?


I've visited my second/third cousins in the Philippines when I was in high school, but have no clue how exactly they're related to me (perhaps this is cultural, but all aunts are titas/ates etc, as a gesture of respect). Again, I know this all sounds very ignorant, but it genuinely never factored into my sense of self. Until now.


Thanks again for advice and stories!

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Hmm, tracing Filipino ancestry can be tricky but you can always start here - https://nationalarchives.gov.ph and this article might give you some good tips - https://www.familytreemagazine.com/heritage/filipino-genealogy/trace-your-filipino-roots/


Your Dutch Indonesian history may also be tricky depending on where specifically your dad's family were living. You might be best going through a Genealogical Association. You might come up against the same problem I have if you don't read or speak dutch (I can't read/speak German). This is a link to the Dutch National Archives - https://cbg.nl/

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The Qld Births Deaths and Marriage site is pretty good. Easy to get basic information if you have a name and date of birth. I've bought a few certificates for other details to help in my search, but used the site free for lots of information.

Trove is also good - but tricky to search.

Some family history FB groups can be useful as people will search for you if you want.

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VeritasVinumArte

Other thing to know is that in the “olden days” it was easier to adjust your details. Eg, Great Grandfather is listed as 24 and his wife 22, when in reality he was 20 and she was 28. Tracking down their birth certificates was hard as we were basing it on the dates/ages listed on Marriage certificate..... when we added +/- 10 years to our search, that is when we hit the jackpot.


When we get back to my 4th Great Grandmother (first relative born in Australia) her DOB could be anywhere between 1788 and 1791 as her age changes on different documents. The crazy thing is we know who her father was but her mother is unknown. Is she the daughter of his first wife who died (?maybe post child birth?) or is she the daughter of an Aboriginal Woman and therefore not recorded? We don’t know.

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There was someone on the original EB who mentioned they were. direct descendants of Anthony Rope and Elizabeth Pulley but I can not remember who this was but would love to find out. My dad has managed to conclude that these are great x 5 grandparents of mine.

This couple had the first baby on Australian soil conceiving on the night the convict men and the women finally were permitted to mix.

I suspect there will be many many descendants of these two, they had 8 children.



efs

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