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How often do your kids see their school friends outside of school?


Everlong

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DS is in year 5. He never sees his school friends outside of school. Last school holidays I did ask if he wanted me to contact his friends parents to organize a catch up but he kind of just shrugged . I wasn’t contacted by any of the parents either .

He does talk to them online sometimes (they play roblox together) and he gets invited to birthday parties . But other than that it’s pretty much just see them at school only.

Is this normal? I sometimes wonder if his friends are meeting up and having sleepovers and stuff and he hasn’t been invited - maybe I’m paranoid due to my own social insecurities. He seems happy to me , but he’s at that tween age so again I worry that there’s things going on I don’t know about (yes , I’m a worrier).

I’m not friends with his friends parents which doesn’t help. The few mums who I do socialize with , their kids aren’t friends with mine.


Edited to add - he is obviously well regarded by his peers as he was elected student representative for his year group this year . He’s also a confident kid , he has already said he will run for school captain in year 6. So I guess my concern is more around close friendships and whether he lacks that ?

Edited by Everlong
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  • LemonMyrtle

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  • Basil

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  • Lesley225

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  • Sincerely

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DD pretty much never sees friends outside of school either. And most kids don't seem to have parties(or she's not invited?) but she's fine with it. She's 5th grade this year too.

She, like her parents is an introvert and likes staying home.

I've put a bit of effort into teaching her some people are more social, some people aren't.

I don't like sleepovers much unless I know the parents REALLY well so there's not many places I'd feel comfortable with her having a sleepover anyway.

She even declined having a birthday party this year (lasts years was cancelled due to covid) which was a bit of a surprise but maybe she's like me and hates crowds and large groups of people now?

So to me, it's only an issue if HE feels it is.

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LemonMyrtle

Never, so far, but, to be fair, my kids are in prep and grade 1, and due to lockdown and covid they haven’t had school friends for very long.

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Seayork2002

DS13 does sometimes but not often really, he does do scouts so has some school friends do that with him so sees them some weeknights or weekend events most of his friends have strict study schedules and extra curricular set things they do.

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LemonMyrtle

I wonder if people are too busy and over scheduled these days?


When I was in school our weekends were free, no sport, no activities. So we rang our friends for a play now and then. Even after school was pretty free except for dancing, I usually had one parent at home after school most of the week (maybe 1-2 days a week we went to a babysitter)


These days no one is free on a weekend or after school. School holidays are filled with holiday programs and going to grandma’s house because both parents are working. Play dates are hard to manage.

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Pigeonpairplusone

My kids are older (15, 13 & 11) they each see 1-2 kids outside of school pretty regularly & that often includes sleeping over. I organise for the 11 year old but the older two organise it themselves & just ask for permission.


Term time can be tricky due to sport on weekends but we try to work around it.

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riotproof

He doesn’t really. He has Minecraft sessions with a friend and they talk in the phone at the same time. Hilarious.

Also he talks on discord to friends and occasionally play roblox together, though I think they are outgrowing roblox a bit. Ds still likes the stupid bee game but I don’t think his friends do.

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I agree with being busy and possibly over scheduled as well as personality all playing a part.


My DD loves sleepovers but my boys don’t. I have a general rule of no sleepovers during term time because I find it disruptive for school. I’ve had that rule from primary age right through to high school.


In primary, my kids saw friends at club sports and also school extra curricular activities. Then add on birthdays parties and it felt like we saw their friends all the time.


We’ve generally holidayed away from the popular places so we didn’t run into school families. My theory is that I see them enough during term time, I don’t want to see them during our family holidays too. My kids have missed out on that social catch up but I don’t think it’s been detrimental to them.


Last year with covid, we went to a popular holiday town along with (it felt like) most of the school. The kids got to see each other everyday and ran as a pack. I didn’t see any great social benefit for them and the same school rubbish played out among the girls.

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ClaudiaCosette

Not as much as they'd like, in part due to my own social insecurity and anxiety in being responsible for someone else's child, and partly due to busy schedules (both for us and their friends). DS has now made a very good friend who is free on Saturday mornings, so they've had a few playdates every couple of weeks now and it seems that will continue. DD also plays with them if she's around and they seem to get on really well, but she does ask about having her own friends over. I hadn't felt very comfortable enough in inviting friends over because of my younger kids who have needed a lot of my attention, but now all the kids are getting older it's easier, so it might happen more often.

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We usually have a play date with one or two of his friends once a week, and then there are birthday parties a couple of times a month, and the odd weekend catch-up with a few families from school for a pizza night or BBQ etc.

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TheGreenSheep

Our DSs sound the same - DS2 he is year 6. He feels connected through online chatting and playing. Similarly he is well liked at school, is a school rep position and teachers are always complimentary of his school behavior. I noticed with DS1 that at this age playdates dropped off and birthday parties were rare.

DS14 sees them more frequently, but this is out and about, he doesnt want them at home, he meets them out and I drop and collect at the shops.

Last school holidays neither of them were fussed to have friends over, DS2 had a mate over eventually, but he wasnt fussed if he missed out.

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Not a lot. Pretty much at school or out of school activities. We are pretty busy and so are most of the kid's friends and their parents. I do the odd playdate when I remember or have time to actually get organized. We had new neighbors moved in who are same age as the kid's so there might be more play going on during the weekends/holidays. But honestly? We often don't get home until 4.30 at the earliest, more often then not it's 5.30-6pm. I just want to make dinner, supervise homework and go to bed. The kids are home 1-2 times a week at 3, but as I'm not there to supervise they don't get to go out. Technically I don't work full time, but I work 2 shifts that finish at 5pm (I might get out at 5.15), and the other days I finish "earlier" have therapy appointments, and activities the kid's signed up for. Next term we add in sport again. (Who ever said it's less busy and easier once kids are in school obviously didn't do any of the running around or organizing of kid things outside of school).


Actually, the last playdate got organised because I ran into the oldest kid's parents at the shops and organised it off the bat knowing H was home with the kids and it was the holidays. Weekends, well frankly the last thing this introvert wants to do is leave the house. Especially as it usually requires significant cleaning at this point in the week.

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ABabyPlease

A couple of times a month, usually because we encourage it. Also at sport 3 x a week.


DS doesn't have siblings so we want to encourage social skills. As he gets older, he may have to rely on friends rather than family so this is ver important for us.

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Not Escapin Xmas

Just asked DD10 who is home sick on the couch next to me. She says seeing them at school every day is enough. Aside from her bestie and a few other kids who she had play dates with maybe fortnightly - that is, one friend per fortnight.

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My 2 DD are the opposite. My DD13 sees her friends at school and most afternoons and weekends. My older DD is doing Year 12 so we have scaled it back a lot but she also has a boyfriend who she sees at school and a few afternoons a week and then they facetime ALOT!

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HypnicJerk

DD: 1 friend at least 3 times a week. Same sporting club. She comes home to our place after school and I or DH take them to training. Plus her mother and I live in each other's pockets so there's often more going on. They were at the same primary school but are in different secondary. It's nice.

Friends from secondary? Never, though still early days as DD is yr7


DS - rarely. He is autistic and almost non-verbal and doesn't do friendships in the traditional sense.

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Lesley225

I don't have children. When did it change from children being in sole charge of their social life?


My only question was can i go out and when can i come back, not that often during the week but certainly on the weekend.


In high school the only input would be can i get a lift it was so far i couldn't ride my bike.


I am talking of the 70s in the south western suburbs of sydney for primary school.

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I don't have children. When did it change from children being in sole charge of their social life?


My only question was can i go out and when can i come back, not that often during the week but certainly on the weekend.


In high school the only input would be can i get a lift it was so far i couldn't ride my bike.


I am talking of the 70s in the south western suburbs of sydney for primary school.

I think it depends on what’s normal for you/your family.


I have similar rules to my parents, my DH had relaxed parents like yours. Assessing our own experiences and adding in the challenges of modern day parenting, DH and I are happy to be more involved. We’re not as involved as some parents but we’re happy with our balance.

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VeritasVinumArte

My kids are in grades 6/8/10. The grade 10 usually organises a group catch up once per holidays. Grade 8 usually gets 1 play date invite per holidays. Grade 6 has no invites.


We are an introvert family so don’t like people in our space. Happy for the kids to go out but not so much for others coming here.

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Julie3Girls

Think it depends a lot on who is local, and everyone’s lifestyle.


We have gone through different stages, with different girls. The older two spent more times with friends over during the early primary years, they just had those kinds of friendships. Very much led by them, I just had the advantage of knowing the mums, so it was easy to go along with. Dd3 spent less time with friends, maybe because she had her older sisters for company.

Once they hit mid high school, you are throwing parttime jobs into the mix.


But really, they spend 6 hours a day with their friends, as their friends tend to be in their classes. Then they have afternoon dance with friends (either the same as school, or other friends). So weekends are really relaxing down time. Yes, the occasional going out for the day or sleepover with a friend, but for the most part, they get enough friend time without needing it.

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DS is in year 5 and rarely sees friends out of school. Parties have become smaller therefore rarer, and there are activities on so many days. He sees some online.

I think it's fine, they see each other all day. He has asked to go to after school care one day a week to hang out with one of his favourites.

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A letter to elise

My oldest (11)maybe a couple of times a term. My middle usually 3 or 4 times, plus a catch up in the holidays. She asks more proactively, which is why it’s more often.


We go to the park to playAfter school 3-4 times a week though. So they get a Lot of time with friends

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Sincerely

He doesn’t really. He has Minecraft sessions with a friend and they talk in the phone at the same time. Hilarious.

Also he talks on discord to friends and occasionally play roblox together, though I think they are outgrowing roblox a bit. Ds still likes the stupid bee game but I don’t think his friends do.

My DS used to do this - play online games with friends and chat via mobile. I think, for DS & his friends, this form of socialisation is enough because when they have the rare sleepovers that’s mainly what they do - play video games and chat. DDs and their friends seem to prefer doing activities which are just not the same when done by video link (baking, painting nails, dancing etc). My DDs and their friends would ask/beg for as many sleepovers as we can accommodate, whereas DS will sometimes agree to birthday sleepovers, but was never enthusiastic if I offered one just as a get together in school holidays though he has plenty of friends.

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ImperatorFuriosa

DS11 had a good friend at school last year who is autistic as well and they were friends for a couple of years and I tried to organise out of school stuff and the parents weren't even interested. Fair enough. It just sux he could only hang out at school.


DS1 had a friend at school and his parents didn't want him hanging around my son at all. (He's autistic). He used to sneak over to the park near us and DS used to meet him there. Lol I would keep an eye on them.

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