Jump to content
IGNORED

Content Warning: Your own funeral?


Darryl

Recommended Posts

My great Aunt passed away yesterday after having been given 6 months to live 18 months ago. She chose to forgo treatment and instead opted for pain management (which thankfully wasn't an issue until only very recently) and enjoyed a good quality of life for the most part.


Her wishes were that she did not want a funeral/service/memorial . She wanted to be cremated and her ashes scattered over her favourite beach in Queensland, which is what she is going to get.


This is the first time in my experience that I've known someone to not want any kind of farewell at all. It's got me thinking about what I'd like for myself ... or perhaps more accurately for those who might wish to mourn me. The only thing I "worry" about is that my non-verbal autistic son won't understand where I've gone.


But it makes me smile to think of my family and friends sitting around taking the piss out of all the stupid things I did over the years (there are many) - a roast instead of a wake, so to speak.


What would you like for your own final party?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 97
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Alta Gaudia

    9

  • Bornagirl

    9

  • Ozgirl

    6

  • STBG 2

    4

Top Posters In This Topic

Cremation, no religion.

A wake afterwards with good food and drinks.

Urn placed in a wall or whatever at the crematorium.


Though we're supposed to be getting a new cemetery built soon that has natural funerals, so I'd be interested to see what they entail. I might change my mind!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Trigger warning






My mum has always been vocal about her wishes my whole life.


So I kinda always thought about it too. I was pretty adament that those left behind decide.


After losing my son I am even more in that camp. I dont care what 'they' do. Whatever gives them comfort.


Some people take comfort in having somewhere to go. I take comfort in knowing that I can take my son's urn anywhere. He will never get left behind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alta Gaudia

Personally, I'm not a fan of the trend of avoiding funerals. I think it doesn't help people to grieve, or to have that sense of communal support as they do.


I'm ambivalent about what I want, partly because I've never been able to get a straight answer from DH about what he wants. Ideally I'd like our remains to be together, but given the closest I've got from him to an answer was "shoot my ashes into space" I might have to make those decisions later. (I do expect to outlive him).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that I don’t really care and don’t personally think I need a funeral. However since loosing my mum I have really given thought to whatever they do I want it to bring my boys some sort of comfort or closure. So up to those left behind to what they do.


However my kids think I am a terrible singer. Sometimes I think I’d love to record myself singing some of my favourites and play it at my own funeral.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MintyBiscuit

I’d like to be a tree.

https://soultrees.com.au/


As far as a service goes, I don’t mind what happens, the service is about those left behind. My only request would be nothing religious, but beyond that whatever those left want to do is fine, it’s not like I’ll know.


My grandmother was extremely clear in her wishes through the years, to the point that when I arrived at the funeral directors to finalise things (she’d prepaid everything) there was a letter in her file to be opened when needed, spelling out exactly how things should go. Cracked me up, it was so perfectly her. I treasure that letter

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would have said cremated and remains in the garden where they can (hopefully) do some good.


Our daughter though, wants somewhere she can visit. Maybe she won't when the time comes, I don't know.


One of the advantages of having crap parents is that you have no desire to 'visit' them, so I can't put myself in her shoes.


I don't know about Qld, but in some states it's not permitted to scatter them on beaches etc - you have to a certain distance out to sea, but if our experience in NSW is anything to go by, the rules are there to avoid distress to other people, and if that's carefully avoided, then all's good.



ETA: Nothing religious and my husband in particular has asked that one family member have nothing to do with his funeral. If he goes first, I will have to request this person not bring religion in to any eulogy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that I don’t really care and don’t personally think I need a funeral. However since loosing my mum I have really given thought to whatever they do I want it to bring my boys some sort of comfort or closure. So up to those left behind to what they do.


However my kids think I am a terrible singer. Sometimes I think I’d love to record myself singing some of my favourites and play it at my own funeral.

 

Our daughter was almost never able to stay angry for long, and we had this ritual where I'd say I'll bet you can't keep that angry face until I count to tell. Used to annoy the hell out of her that she couldn't. We've joked about my voice recording from the coffin saying 1,2,3 ....


Actually I don't want a coffin at any gathering. Both of my PIL had small ceremonies at the funeral home, then cremation, plus a celebration of life at their church. I quite liked that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[mention]Ozgirl[/mention] like you I have my sons ashes in an urn and I can't bear the thought of leaving him somewhere. I'm not sure why exactly but it is what it is :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Ozgirl like you I have my sons ashes in an urn and I can't bear the thought of leaving him somewhere. I'm not sure why exactly but it is what it is :)

 

Yeah,


My aunt wants to move to QLD, but her husband is in a wall here in sydney and she cant leave him behind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never thought of the idea of 'leaving someone behind'.


I guess at least the idea of shooting a rocket into the sky means you can feel they're all around you all the time.


I probably wouldn't be able to leave my daughter behind either, but again, some things you just don't think about because you've never been put in that position.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like the idea of (my ashes) being loaded into a big firework shell - but I'm not sure it's something that is legal in Australia.


Hmm, I think I just like fireworks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, I'm not a fan of the trend of avoiding funerals. I think it doesn't help people to grieve, or to have that sense of communal support as they do.


I'm ambivalent about what I want, partly because I've never been able to get a straight answer from DH about what he wants. Ideally I'd like our remains to be together, but given the closest I've got from him to an answer was "shoot my ashes into space" I might have to make those decisions later. (I do expect to outlive him).

 

Yeah I hope it doesn't become such a trend that actually having a funeral seems over the top.

Personally I don't care what happens to me, just whatever comforts the bereaved, that's what they should do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

squeekums-the-elf

I like the idea of (my ashes) being loaded into a big firework shell - but I'm not sure it's something that is legal in Australia.


Hmm, I think I just like fireworks.

 

thats why me and my FIL want

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would like to be cremated and thrown into the ocean where my husband and I got married. Would prefer to not have a funeral, but a party.


I just hope that when I'm thrown into the ocean, the thrower isn't too close to the shore (I don't want to wash up onto the sand!) and it's not too windy (I definitely don't want to end up blown into someone's face!). These are the practical yet slightly twisted considerations that come into my head.

 

They're not twisted at all, that actually happened to people I know (the wind blowing the ashes back in their face) and they can laugh about it now, but at the time it was quite upsetting (younger person).


I think that's the reason for the rule about how far out to sea you have to be - they don't want people's ashes washing up on the sand. I'm guessing if it's far enough out, it's dispersed enough to not matter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When mum died I was happy to provide her with the funeral she wanted. We brought a triple grave and my father and brother will get the other 2 spaces. I will be cremated and get a small plark on the side of the family grave. I don’t want a fuss.


When mum died my autistic brother went with dad to the funeral home for a private viewing and that showed him mum was dead. I don’t think he understood the big funeral

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven’t decided anything yet, beyond having “See ya later, alligator” or similar played as they lower me into the ground.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stuffed Olive

My mother spent the last decade of her life in Australia, with no visit home to the UK because "it would make her homesick"

She asked to be cremated and her ashes scattered "somewhere suitable - but local - don't go to any trouble"


In the end I took her ashes back to Derbyshire and scattered them on a moor in the Peak District, which was an area she knew well and loved. It's a beautiful spot that I can only visit during trips to the UK, (Ha!) but I keep a dried sprig of the heather that grows there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lucrezia Borgia

my mum was cremated (her wish) and her ashes have been scattered on a beach in QLD - in the Daintree - which is where she wanted her resting place to be. we had a funeral and wake for her in sydney and then we went up to Port Douglas about six months later - we held a little ceremony when we scattered her ashes. it was nice - nice for my kids i think, and we felt a connection. I’d like something similar.


interestingly, when you are given the urn you get this little silver plated plaque with the deceased’s name, DOB and date of death - and when we were on that beach, we noticed these plaques everywhere - tacked onto tree branches, resting against rocks. i had never noticed them before but now i do see them frequently. i think some form of ritual is nice, and is what makes us human - in a way. like the story recently that got archaeologists very excited about finding the earliest known burial site in africa - a two year old child carefully (and deliberately) laid to rest.


https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2021-05-06/oldest-human-burial-site-in-africa/100065050

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chillipeppers

I must be strange because I want a traditional funeral in a church where hymns are sung and a slideshow of me with my favorite people. I also want to be buried, not cremated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kiwi Bicycle

I have mentioned before both my parents are anti furneral and don't even want their ashes scattered or buried somewhere.

I don't really care about the furneral part but it upsets me that they don't want a respectful scattering and are just happy for the ashes to go to landfill. I get what they say, my body is a husk and not important.

I told them I would like to have a gathering and have drinks and nibbles and reminisce about them. They are not impressed, but as I said, you will be dead anyway, so what dies it matter what my sister and I do?

I watched on Youtube a furneral mortician and director talk about what happens to a body when it is embalmed, and stuff that for a joke!. Pumped full of chemicals, plastic contacts to keep your eye lids closed and all that. Just refrigerate me and then straight to cremation. I'd like ti be scattered somewhere and if it really is important for my family, they can make a diamond or jewelry from part of my ashes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, I'm not a fan of the trend of avoiding funerals. I think it doesn't help people to grieve, or to have that sense of communal support as they do.


I'm ambivalent about what I want, partly because I've never been able to get a straight answer from DH about what he wants. Ideally I'd like our remains to be together, but given the closest I've got from him to an answer was "shoot my ashes into space" I might have to make those decisions later. (I do expect to outlive him).

 

I don't want or need a funeral either, but after DH just passed, I saw that those around him did. Friends wanted to pay their respects, and it was helpful for DS & DD to have closure. Maybe because of his age (49), but there were over 250 people in attendance even though I had notified probably 20 of our closest friends & family only 48hrs prior to the funeral. Having just experienced it I will leave it up to my children what they wish to do. I want to be cremated, but if they want to have a funeral for me, it's up to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Advertisement

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...