At the end of my journey with own eggs

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marymaryquitecontrary
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#1

Hello! I’m trying to be a single mother by choice and am almost 42 years old. I have just had my third round of IVF in 3 years, with donor sperm. However this time I got PGD testing which showed only one of the 6 embryos which made it to day 5. I am having the FET in 2 weeks. I am thankful I got the PGD testing as transferring 5 embryos which had no chance would have been emotionally difficult.

My 2 other cycles
1) Aged 39 10 at EPU, 8 fertilised, 7 made it to day 5, all transferred over 12 months. 1 miscarriage at 6 weeks (no heartbeat), 1 chemical.
2) Aged 40 8 at EPU, 7 fertilised, 4 made it to day 5, all transferred over 8 months, 1 chemical.

I am a scientist. It is obvious to me that at my age and after 3 cycles I am unlikely to get pregnant with my own eggs. My specialist suggested that I look at egg donors in South Africa or Greece after cycle 2 but was willing to try one more time when Covid hit as I couldn’t travel.

However now I am thinking about embryo adoption. I am single anyway. Quite a few families in Australia hoping to donate excess embryos. It seems a good way to become a parent. I don’t mind if the child is not genetically related to me. I mean after all my genes aren’t that incredible! We have obesity, heart disease, depression and T2D in my family so really perhaps it’s for the best :)

Had anyone looked into this? Or perhaps should I accept that the universe is telling me I need to leave this desire for motherhood behind and enjoy fulfilment in other areas of my life I have neglected these last 3 years?
I watched a documentary on Australian story a few years ago and it sparked my interest.
https://thebabyproject.com.au/2018/12/l ... nsfer-day/
https://www.abc.net.au/austory/lexies-village/7202730
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Greenbean
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#2

Hi there

I'm sorry you are going through this. I looked into this as my plan C after I turned 40, but I was a lucky one who got a baby to stick.

Have you had an ERA test? They usually recommend this if you are doing donor embryos, but also if you have had 3 failed transfers. I did an ERA for a different reason (I only ever got one embryo after many cycles) and it said I needed 12 extra hours of progesterone. I would do the ERA and if there is a receptivity issue, you could consider another round with your own eggs if you are up to it.

I know a little bit about donor eggs in Greece (because I did an IVF cycle there) and South Africa (because my friend went and that's how she got her twins), but as you mention the covid situation means this is likely a couple of years away.

For local embryo adoption I believe there may be some Facebook groups you could join. Otherwise ask your clinic for more info (if they are a big clinic).
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nomviv
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#3

Wow I had never heard of embryo donation before, what a wonderful concept. Thank you for sharing this.

It was a good thing you did PGD to save yourself the heartache — were they aneuploid? I had 21 embryos with only 7 making it to day 5 and after PGD only 1 viable. Am now 5+3. I am wishing you the best of luck with your next FET.
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marymaryquitecontrary
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#4

Thanks for your replies and thrilled IVF has been successful for you both!
@Greenbean yes I’ve had an ERA test, no concerns.
@nomviv yes, including some very bizzare ones I had never heard of. The age of the eggs I suppose, they never would have been successful pregnancies.
I am leaning towards not having another IVF cycles. I am not particularly attractive, and besides intelligence my genes are not particularly boast worthy so if I do truly want to be a mother I think embryo donation is the way to go. Creating embryos with donor eggs and donor sperm when I really only want one child seems incredibly wasteful and I worry about the ethics of creating a child for my own selfish desires who won’t know their biological parents.
Adopting an embryo within Australia and the child knowing their biological parents seems the most moral option left to me.
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Dusty
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#5

I’ve PM’ed you xx

Edit I’m not sure my PM worked 🙄
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Ozgirl
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#6

Dusty, when you PM it sits in the outbox until the recipient 'reads' it. Then it moves to the sent items.

Weird, but im hoping that answers your 'not sure it sent' part.
First EPU Aug 2017 - 4th FET was BFP Feb 2018
Stillbirth 40+3 October 30, 2018

2019 IVF with Donor Sperm, 1 Fresh | 3 frozen - all BFN
2020 3rd EPU, 1 fresh (BFN) | 4th EPU, 1 fresh, 1 FET (BFN) 2 in the freezer.
2021 - ???
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Dusty
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#7

Thanks @Ozgirl it wasn’t sitting in my out box either which is why I thought I fluffed it up.
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Froyo
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#8

I used two egg donors after it became clear my eggs weren't up to the task. I know people who've used egg and sperm donors rather than wait for embryos.
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Dusty
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#9

I tried again @marymaryquitecontrary I hope you receive my PM it’s a wonderful story.

MY DD, her full biological sibling and 1/2 sibling and myself have been panelists with VARTA’s Time to Tell

Xx
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marymaryquitecontrary
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#10

@Froyo was it successful?
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marymaryquitecontrary
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Dusty wrote: Mon Feb 22, 2021 5:37 pm I tried again @marymaryquitecontrary I hope you receive my PM it’s a wonderful story.

MY DD, her full biological sibling and 1/2 sibling and myself have been panelists with VARTA’s Time to Tell

Xx
Hello, no i did not get the PM. That sounds very promising though!
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Froyo
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#12

marymaryquitecontrary wrote: Tue Feb 23, 2021 2:26 pm @Froyo was it successful?
My road wasn't successful. But I'm in the very small minority. Nearly every person I knew during my just under 10 year ART journey had success, especially once using donor gametes or embryos.
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Dusty
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#13

I agree @froyo I believe our success was only because we sourced a top shelf embryo and combined our treatment with the Colorado Protocol, which was cutting edge ART about 19 years ago.

@marymaryquitecontrary Seems my third attempt to send you my PM worked

All the very best xx
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Ozgirl
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#14

Im on the colorado protocol (called bondi protocol in australia) and havent had success in australia.

Im very very close to then end of my journey.
First EPU Aug 2017 - 4th FET was BFP Feb 2018
Stillbirth 40+3 October 30, 2018

2019 IVF with Donor Sperm, 1 Fresh | 3 frozen - all BFN
2020 3rd EPU, 1 fresh (BFN) | 4th EPU, 1 fresh, 1 FET (BFN) 2 in the freezer.
2021 - ???
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Froyo
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#15

Dusty wrote: Tue Feb 23, 2021 4:18 pm I agree @froyo I believe our success was only because we sourced a top shelf embryo and combined our treatment with the Colorado Protocol, which was cutting edge ART about 19 years ago.

@marymaryquitecontrary Seems my third attempt to send you my PM worked

All the very best xx
I started Colorado (Bondi is a variant, not identical) back in 2012 and got some excellent quality embryos thanks to my donors. It didn't work for me. I also did more recent immune protocols, SCUPE, LIT etc, etc, etc. Nothing stopped my body from killing every pregnancy I managed to achieve. For a small number of us there is no key to success.
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marymaryquitecontrary
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#16

Ozgirl wrote: Tue Feb 23, 2021 8:29 pm Im on the colorado protocol (called bondi protocol in australia) and havent had success in australia.

Im very very close to then end of my journey.
Will you be considering donor eggs or embryos?
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marymaryquitecontrary
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#17

@Froyo i am so sorry. I fear that I will spend another 3-4 years of my life chasing the elusive goal of motherhood. Maybe it is time for me to focus on new goals, and be thankful for a healthy life, lovely friendships, beautiful family members and nephews and my fulfilling career. And post COVID, travel!
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#18

@Froyo might not have been successful, but her courage and resilience helped many of us on the old EB. I am still grateful for this and think of you often Froyo.
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marymaryquitecontrary
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marymaryquitecontrary wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:58 pm @Froyo i am so sorry. I fear that I will spend another 3-4 years of my life chasing the elusive goal of motherhood. Maybe it is time for me to focus on new goals, and be thankful for a healthy life, lovely friendships, beautiful family members and nephews and my fulfilling career. And post COVID, travel! I am lucky in a way that I am asexual so I don’t desire a romantic relationship, I see single friends who struggle much more with being single than they do with anything else in their life and I want To shout ‘but you have an amazing life! It’s not half as good because you don’t have your ‘other half’ but I suppose that is just my view.
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marymaryquitecontrary
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#20

Well somehow I have quoted myself instead of editing myself. Oh well I’ll leave it up.
Froyo thank you for being so vulnerable. I appreciate how it may still hurt so much yet you can support others.
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Froyo
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#21

marymaryquitecontrary wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:58 pm @Froyo i am so sorry. I fear that I will spend another 3-4 years of my life chasing the elusive goal of motherhood. Maybe it is time for me to focus on new goals, and be thankful for a healthy life, lovely friendships, beautiful family members and nephews and my fulfilling career. And post COVID, travel!
If the thought of going through it all again is more painful than the thought of stopping then it's time.
It took me a couple of years of wanting to be done to actually get to that point. There are no easy options, that's for sure.
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#22

Greenbean wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:58 pm @Froyo might not have been successful, but her courage and resilience helped many of us on the old EB. I am still grateful for this and think of you often Froyo.
Thank you so much. It's very comforting to know that my experiences did achieve something positive, even though it wasn't in the form of a child.
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#23

Froyo wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 2:17 pm
marymaryquitecontrary wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:58 pm @Froyo i am so sorry. I fear that I will spend another 3-4 years of my life chasing the elusive goal of motherhood. Maybe it is time for me to focus on new goals, and be thankful for a healthy life, lovely friendships, beautiful family members and nephews and my fulfilling career. And post COVID, travel!
If the thought of going through it all again is more painful than the thought of stopping then it's time.
It took me a couple of years of wanting to be done to actually get to that point. There are no easy options, that's for sure.
This is where I am at.

Money is becoming an issue for me.

@marymaryquitecontrary I will never say never, but not contemplating it right now.

I dont look to far ahead. right now I have one embryo left. I'll worry about the future after that.
First EPU Aug 2017 - 4th FET was BFP Feb 2018
Stillbirth 40+3 October 30, 2018

2019 IVF with Donor Sperm, 1 Fresh | 3 frozen - all BFN
2020 3rd EPU, 1 fresh (BFN) | 4th EPU, 1 fresh, 1 FET (BFN) 2 in the freezer.
2021 - ???
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#24

Froyo wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 2:17 pm
marymaryquitecontrary wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:58 pm @Froyo i am so sorry. I fear that I will spend another 3-4 years of my life chasing the elusive goal of motherhood. Maybe it is time for me to focus on new goals, and be thankful for a healthy life, lovely friendships, beautiful family members and nephews and my fulfilling career. And post COVID, travel!
If the thought of going through it all again is more painful than the thought of stopping then it's time.
It took me a couple of years of wanting to be done to actually get to that point. There are no easy options, that's for sure.
This is where I am at.

Money is becoming an issue for me.

@marymaryquitecontrary I will never say never, but not contemplating it right now.

I dont look to far ahead. right now I have one embryo left. I'll worry about the future after that.
First EPU Aug 2017 - 4th FET was BFP Feb 2018
Stillbirth 40+3 October 30, 2018

2019 IVF with Donor Sperm, 1 Fresh | 3 frozen - all BFN
2020 3rd EPU, 1 fresh (BFN) | 4th EPU, 1 fresh, 1 FET (BFN) 2 in the freezer.
2021 - ???
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Ozgirl
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#25

Froyo wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 2:17 pm
marymaryquitecontrary wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:58 pm @Froyo i am so sorry. I fear that I will spend another 3-4 years of my life chasing the elusive goal of motherhood. Maybe it is time for me to focus on new goals, and be thankful for a healthy life, lovely friendships, beautiful family members and nephews and my fulfilling career. And post COVID, travel!
If the thought of going through it all again is more painful than the thought of stopping then it's time.
It took me a couple of years of wanting to be done to actually get to that point. There are no easy options, that's for sure.
This is where I am at.

Money is becoming an issue for me.

@marymaryquitecontrary I will never say never, but not contemplating it right now.

I dont look to far ahead. right now I have one embryo left. I'll worry about the future after that.
First EPU Aug 2017 - 4th FET was BFP Feb 2018
Stillbirth 40+3 October 30, 2018

2019 IVF with Donor Sperm, 1 Fresh | 3 frozen - all BFN
2020 3rd EPU, 1 fresh (BFN) | 4th EPU, 1 fresh, 1 FET (BFN) 2 in the freezer.
2021 - ???
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