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How long did it take your kids to get the hang of undies?


Beanette

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I have a DS wh0 will be 4 in April, and we transitioned him into undies at the start of the month.

He had a gross motor delay as a baby and didn't take his first unassisted steps until he was 22 months. He was under a general paed for that time, and she discharged him from her care after he turned 2.5 as he had caught up enough to no longer need specialist oversight. He is still a bit uncoordinated but runs, hops, jumps all as other kids his age do. He is also very tall (>98th percentile).


He has never shown any interest in the toilet, was never one of those kids who used to hide to poo, and was basically unfussed by the whole thing. We waited to see if he would show any interest to start training him (no) so initiated it ourselves in August last year. We stuck with using pull ups until this month because he was very resistant to sitting on the toilet, and I didn't want to force it and traumatise him. In the pull ups he would probably do 80% of wees on the toilet.


Now that he's in undies, I have to initiate him going to the toilet 99% of the time. If I don't coax him to sit on it, he won't and will eventually just wee everywhere or poo in his undies. So now I essentially just force him to sit on the toilet every hour to 90 minutes which works fine for wees. But the poos are an absolute nightmare.


The whole month of undies we have had two poos where he self initiated to sit on the toilet, and maybe around 12 that have actually been in the toilet. The rest have been straight in the undies. The ones that were in the toilet, a few have only been because I have given him a glycerol suppository right before and made him sit on the toilet (after not pooing for 48 hours).

When he poos he doesn't seem to react, doesn't seem to notice anything is going wrong until a few seconds after he goes into his undies. After the fact he will tell me that he's pooed in his undies, but there's no urgency to get to the toilet or concern about going in his undies, if that makes sense.


Each time he doesn't poo in the toilet we talk about listening to your body telling you it needs to poo, going on the toilet now that he's a big boy in undies, etc etc. Always positive and never in a shaming or angry way.

I was worried he was "holding on" to the poo at the beginning so I started him on a sachet of kid's movicol daily, and he's been having that since 4/1. His poos are textbook Bristol 4 and I don't believe he's constipated.


Daycare have been really great about everything (he is there 3 days a week) and have one educator who will take him every hour or so like I do at home. But he will still poo in his undies almost every single day (often more than once a day)




I am just really at my wit's end and don't know if I should be being more proactive and looking for medical help for this? Is this within a "normal" range? I just don't want it to get to the point where he starts feeling stressed or ashamed about it, or the other kids notice


(And thank you for reading my essay on poo! :oops: )

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As a mum who's kid had an overactive bladder, who I couldn't TT for peeing I would ask for a referral to a paed who specialises in incontinence and rule out any issues.

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I’d say he isn’t ready yet. After a month of trying, you’re still taking him to the toilet every hour, which is usually only what you need to do for the first week or two. I’d go back to nappies for a while and try again later.


Not all kids are toilet trained easily or early. My second son still has night nappies and even after he was day trained he would have a lot of accidents until he was 4 and a bit.


Talk to your GP if you’re worried. But I think just wait a while longer and then try again.

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tinselfoil hat

DD wasn’t completely TT until almost 4, which I don’t believe is that unusual. Girls often also train earlier than boys. I ended up booking her in with an OT who specialises in toilet training but she came good whilst waiting for the initial appointment so we didn’t end up needing to go.


If you have to do toilet timing, my opinion is he’s not ready. I’d put him back in nappies, wait a month or so and then speak to a paed or an OT.

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Fruitmincepies

The best timing for poo is shortly after a meal. My DD was terrible for poo accidents, despite being TT from 2.5yo. I think she was 4 and a bit before she really got it.

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It's so reassuring to hear that it isn't unusual for his age to not be toilet trained - he is the last one in his room at daycare, and it seems like my friends all managed it much earlier (before 3!) and it was easy for them.


When I was picking him up from daycare the other day his educator gave me his dirty clothes and made a joke apology about giving me more smelly clothes to wash after his accidents, and this other mum was right by us and said "oh yuck, how gross" to her own child which just made me feel like absolute crap.


My main concern (and reasoning for wondering if involving the GP might be a good idea) is how he doesn't seem to realise that he needs to poo 95% of the time. And even as it's happening he doesn't seem to realise what's going on until after the fact.


Unfortunately I really don't think he will go back into nappies. He was extremely proud to be wearing undies to daycare and wouldn't stop talking about them for days. He still wears nappies for sleep overnight but even that is a struggle to get him to wear them.

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OP, unfortunately it is normal. He is likely not ready. Yeah, I know. Keep doing what you are doing. The fact that he can do it in the toilet is very encouraging.

Mine was 5.5 ( right before starting kindy) when he decided he was ready overnight. And he was under paediatrician’s care who was saying this is still normal as many kids start kindy and only do poo at home after school ( in their undies/ask for nappies/hide behind sofa etc).

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I'd pop him back in pull ups and have some time out for both of you for a while. He is not out of the realm of 'normal' which of course does not mean there may not some issues that need to be addressed so I would speak to the GP and perhaps seek some support from Incontinence Australia.

Good luck.

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If he’ll agree to go back to pull ups I’d pop him back in those (or even training undies, just to take the pressure off you) and see your GP. While 4 isn’t unreasonable exactly it’s the later end and if you have a feeling all is not 100% well with him not being aware etc. then your intuition is likely serving you well. Perhaps ask to see an OT or continence nurse.

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OP, my DD2 was similar and at about 4.5 I took her to the GP only to be told that they can't do a referral to the continence clinic until they turn 5, and he can't see anything wrong. She got better for a while, but is now 6.5 and worse than ever. So back to the gp again who reckons she's constipated, but he did send a referral to the continence clinic and we have an appointment now in June. And told me to give her osmolax and it should get better. Well now we just have multiple poos in her pants a day instead of one, its not any better. And she's been on it for a month.

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OP, I assume you have tried bribery? Only thing that worked to get DD to poo on the loo at just turned 4.


We made her sit on the loo after breakfast and dinner watching a show on iView on the tablet (something about 5 minutes long), but were also battling constipation. Even with the tablet we needed Lego bribery to get her to try even sitting for a poo the first week.

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