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Parenting a 3yo with a migraine


alchetta

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So this is primarily a vent because I have to get it off my chest.


After battling migraines all through my 20s and having a decent reprieve when DD age 3 was born, I've recently been getting increasingly regular attacks again. There is basically no warning unless it's a period migraine, but I had one of those a week ago, and today I have another one - considerably worse - totally out of the blue. It came on so quickly that preventative medication was totally useless, and no treatment works on it once it arrives. My GP literally started me back on the pill yesterday to try to combat the period migraines, which leaves me wondering if one little tiny pill was enough to trigger a fresh attack today, although I'm more inclined to blame the gross weather.


The real vent part comes in relation to trying to parent with a migraine. I have been the worst mother today. Screaming, yelling, losing it, generally taking out my misery on poor DD. I couldn't even turn off my swearing, which I could blame on my severely impaired judgement but instead just feel awful about. I hate that these things just take over my life suddenly and render me entirely nonfunctional to the point of being incapable of parenting. But DD is so full on, she doesn't stop whingeing, whining, ordering, demanding and yelling for one minute of the day. I suffered through a playground visit, but nothing calms her down except crap on the iPad and even then she gets bored of it. She's ultra hyper and ultra high maintenance.


The icing on the cake is that DD told me after her bath tonight that her bottom hurts and is resisting doing a wee, so now I need to get her cleared for a UTI and deal with that tomorrow when I'm likely to be worse, migraine wise, on day two.


I have a DH, who cares but doesn't know how to show it and just gets so exasperated at the whole situation that he too starts yelling and screaming when DD understandably acts up. Not what I need. But at least he took over bedtime so now I can try my luck with codeine. I'm just praying DD doesn't have a UTI and doesn't wake in pain when she wees in her sleep :( :'(


That is all.

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VeritasVinumArte

Yes I get it. My sympathies. My migraines got so BadI was non functional. I tried all medications both accute and preventative. I ended up at the Neurologist to get botox for migraines. To qualify under Medicare you need at least 15 headache days per month of whichat least 8 are migraine from memory... lets just say I was well over 20 days by then..... plus I had 3 kids.


I have been known to cuddle up in bed in a dark room with a toddler attached to a phone/ipad. What ever gets you through the day. I have also taken kids to school/preschool, gone home, died in bed and set alarm to pick them up.


Best thing though about the botox is that not just that it helps minimise the number of migraines but also allowed the accute medications to do their work. So rather than being at an 8/9 for pain going down to a 7/8 with medication, I am now a 3/4 going down to a 1/2 so totally functional. About once a year I get one which requires me dead in bed.... ratger than at least once per week.


Good Luck.


My kids are 11/13/15 but I do remember those days. Worst was after my youngest was born and I lost my vision..... yeah 8wko, 2yo, 4yo and migraine where I couldn’t see.

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Oh I hear you - when they are little they cannot cope when you cannot cope either.


I remember being a solo mum going through this (not to one-up you - hell, when I was partnered it was worse because there is someone who SHOULD be able to help but CAN'T for a myriad of reasons) and the television and videos being a firm friend to my parenting.

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Parenting with a migraine is one of the hardest things. I’ve been there so I totally get it.


My advice would be for DH to take over parenting when you have a migraine and explaining to your DD (in age appropriate terms) what you are dealing with.


You are no use if you’re in so much pain all you do is yell and swear. Remove yourself from this situation by having your DH take over. Talking to your DD about what is going on with you will take more time to sink in, but will hopefully trigger a little more cooperation for giving you the quiet you need.


Rest up and don’t feel guilty. You aren’t alone.

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You poor thing! Please be kind to yourself.


Agree with pp that having your DH take over is the only way. Go to your room, take whatever medication you need, take snacks/drinks with you (I get ridiculous sugar cravings when I have migraines).


If your DH is at work then there is absolutely nothing wrong with a device/TV day for your little one.


Being unwell when you are a parent absolutely sucks. 🤗🤗🤗

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ClaudiaCosette

I sympathise. I don't get migraines often, but have other health issues that leave me feeling pretty terrible a lot of the time. It's so hard, especially with young kids who are full on. My twins are 2 and a half and they just have to be with me all the time.


If your DH is home, absolutely get him to take over. Ideally he could take your DD out of the house so you get some peace and quiet.


The worst for me was when I was pregnant with my twins and had horrendous all-day sickness and the worst exhaustion, so I just wanted to stay in bed all day. My DS was 5 and DD1 was 3, and they had way too much screen time, but that's what got me through. And they have turned out fine now.

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Thank you all so much for your kind posts. I was thinking a little straighter this morning so organised some friends to come over and keep DD entertained, and DH did the morning while I slept after realising how bad it was. Lesson learnt to always always always stop and assess an extreme emotional feeling of overwhelm as it's a very sneaky, but oddly specific warning sign - really bizarre but I just lose all ability to think!


DD didn't appear to suffer any adverse effects from my crankiness yesterday and was very loving and sweet to me today, so I'll try not to beat myself up too much, but gosh they suck. I want to have my weekend now and can't believe I just have to take her back to childcare tomorrow and get on with work! So much for going to the beach two weekends in a row now!


Thanks again!

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Parenting with a migraine is one of the hardest things. I’ve been there so I totally get it.


My advice would be for DH to take over parenting when you have a migraine and explaining to your DD (in age appropriate terms) what you are dealing with.


You are no use if you’re in so much pain all you do is yell and swear. Remove yourself from this situation by having your DH take over. Talking to your DD about what is going on with you will take more time to sink in, but will hopefully trigger a little more cooperation for giving you the quiet you need.


Rest up and don’t feel guilty. You aren’t alone.

 

Sage advice - when I'm fully better I'll have to think of a creative way to explain migraines to her. If you have any experience in this I'll gladly hear it!

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Sage advice - when I'm fully better I'll have to think of a creative way to explain migraines to her. If you have any experience in this I'll gladly hear it!

At that age, I would have kept it very simple - Just like how your tummy can feel upset, sometimes adults get an upset head. And just like when her tummy is upset, when my head is upset, I need to rest so my head can feel better.


As DD has gotten older, we have talked in more detail about these not being a typical head ache and how they impact me personally. We also listen to the impact they have on her and try to limit the disruption the whole house feels when I get one.

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