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3yo wrecks everything


Kallie

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Someone please tell me it's not just him, my 3yo destroys everything. My eldest wasn't like this.


It's like he just tried to push everything he plays with as far as it will go. He's ripped up books since he was 1yo, not overtly, but if one got left in his room it'd be in tiny pieces in the morning.


He's broken a door, pulled the curtains down, wrecked the toilet seat, broke their wooden kids chair, so many toys...


I don't think it's malicious, most of thr time he seems genuinely upset when stuff breaks, and i know he's too young to have the foresight or impulse control to, I guess, help himself. But it's getting so frustrating... and increasingly expensive.. trying to keep my house intact.


Any tips, or even just solidarity. I feel like he's on an extreme end with this behavior

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I didn't have this experience, but obviously every child is different and it is the age for such things, given there are terms coined for two and three year olds?


Good luck.

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Is he strong? Or just rough?


I think I’d try to channel the curiosity with how things work, maybe a marble run? Or those quadrilla gear sets? Do they still have Jnr Meccano?


I knew someone who’s kids were like this, and tbh I think it was a case of undiagnosed adhd. They didn’t really grow out of it.

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I have known kids when I was younger do this when I babysat, DS did not but not because of us being great parents he was just too lazy too.


I beleive the parents of the kids I babysat eventually took them to be assessed (I am not sure how it all worked out I lost touch with them over time)

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Strong and rough lol, I just got a marble run! I've been thinking he might like that pull apart put together thing. See how it works. He doesn't mind blocks. I dunno. There's certainly none of the classic signs of asd, he's very social, very articulate, normal milestones, he's fine in new situations and has no issues at daycare.

He does remind me of my cousin in a lot of ways, who also happens to have adhd, but i'm not sure if it's adhd behaviors or just similar personalities

I've wondered if it might be a sensory thing with the ripping maybe.

He also seems to like mess. I'm pretty sure he's the one that instigates when they tip all their toys out of their boxes into the floor 😑 they don't play with them. Just fill the floor with mess.

He's very defiant though, if I was going to amateur diagnose it'd be ODD, the kid loves to say and do the opposite of whatever he's told, but even that, I think is on the extreme end of normal, there's plenty of times he's compliant with requests and helpful. He's very similar to his father there, likes to make his own rules and decisions. Just unfortunately for him, he's 3


I dunno, maybe there's something I'm not seeing. Dh gets frustrated but isn't concerned. We've both worked a lot with young children, I'd like to think if they needed diagnosis we'd pick it up, but I guess there's always that, maybe we're too close to it, as parents

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I think giving him the opportunities to get his sensory and destructive fix might just help.


You probably are too close to it. I didn’t notice my daughters lazy eye for months. And in the end, I didn’t even notice it, my husband did. Looking at photos was how I knew how long it had been there.


Kinetic sand might be a good thing too, but kept under lock and key. :lol:

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I agree with [mention]riotproof[/mention] - would it help to set aside an area where he can destruct to his heart’s content? Use old boxes, packaging, paper etc and just let him go to town?

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Too tired to care

Riotproof's idea of giving him a sensory outlet/ fix is great, I also think it might be worth seeing an OT for a sensory profile.

This has helped my children immensely as it helps you work out what sensory needs they have and how to meet them in different scenarios (school, home, grandparents house) as trampolines are not available everywhere for us and ripping things will not always be the best thing to do in every scenario . The OT sensory profile will also help you work out what is not helpful and things to avoid for over stimulation.

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Guest BusbyWilkes

It’s hard to live with the mess and chaos!

Given your backgrounds and what you post, I’m sure your kids have lots of play options/variety.

I would think about seeing a good paed OT for an assessment. Might be sensory issues, might ADHD behaviours (but wouldn’t get diagnosed at 3 anyway), might be difficulties with emotional reg.

In the meantime, try lots of “heavy work” activities - digging in garden/sandpit, climbing, jumping on tramp, carrying stuff (washing out to the line, shopping bag inside, shopping basket at the shops), wiping blackboard after drawing, rolling/throwing/kicking fitball at the wall or to an adult (don’t let him take out the little ones with the ball!)


Others posted while I was still writing - agree with ideas upthread

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I have a near 3 year old (next month!) little boy who loves mess, chaos, noise. If I let him out in the garden at 6 am he will find mud and come back covered by 6:30am. He is strong and rough too. But he can be compliant, he can also not follow instructions, but I think that's toddlerhood. He can appropriately play with toys. So I have no idea if it is just a personality thing or something else.


My older DS has autism. I had no idea. I am a teacher too. I have worked with kids with asd, but still had no idea. I think I was too close to see clearly.


So I would be interested to know more.

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Oh I forgot one... water! If he loves water, give him a bucket and let him “paint” the backyard.

I think that my dad was that kid - rumour has it that he started walking at 7 months and running not long after.


My grandparents put him to work - from the moment that he got up he was a very busy boy - so they channeled that as much as they could.


He was once so annoying on a car trip at about age 8 wondering about "Uncle George's new tractor" that he got to plough a whole paddock when they arrived.


Doesn't help you much, OP.

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PocketMacrophobia

[mention]Kallie[/mention] It's interesting that you mention ODD along side the making mess and shredding stuff. There's PDA (pathological demand avoidance) which is an autistic presentation/profile. Often misdiagnosed as ODD so if you're already thinking in that direction it may be worth having a read about it.


DS is/was the tipper outer, DD is the shredder. They do play with the tipped out stuff, though it's usually as scenery for a bigger game. DD's shredded stuff tends to get put in bags and purses and unceremoniously dumped out at a later date.

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