What am I doing wrong?

Hi chamomile, I have an almost 14 month old so solidarity. Some things that may (or may not) help you are-

Have you tried showering together or bathing with baby? You can put a non-slip mat down with some toys (we have beach toys and she happily plays while I shower). My SIL used to put her kids in a washing tub in the shower to contain them. Have a bath robe for yourself so you can quickly slip it on then get bub out and dried/dressed before getting dressed too

I have an annual pass to the museum because my baby also doesn't wear a hat and I live in Melbourne and 40 degree days are the worst for staying indoors. It's a good place to meet other mums for a coffee or lunch too and they have child friendly toilets etc

If bub won't wear a hat, pram with the sun cover over it and stay mostly in the shade. Meet another mum for a walk and takeaway coffee (I did this a lot during covid)

We are also struggling with the transition to one nap. I have found on the days she does 2 naps sometimes bedtime is closer to 8.30/9pm. On the days with one nap, it's about 7pm. So I play it by ear. I also sleep soon after she does so I can function

I will just echo that waking every 20 mins doesn't sound like a sleep school problem, but an ear / tonsils / adenoids /etc problem. Does baby snore? If you share which city you are in maybe someone here will have a referral to a GP who listens

Lastly, adding that I have turned the cot into a toddler bed and securely attached it to my bed. The mattresses align (I took the legs off my bed) so it's one huge sleep space. I sleep with a jumper on so I only have the quilt up to my waist and only one pillow in the corner away from her sleep space (no partner). That's helped immensely with the stretches of sleep

Gree bean, that also reminded me that I had also set up a sidecar arrangement with the cot and our bed for #2 and #3. It made cosleeping much easier.

I also purchased a piece of foam wedge from Clark Rubber and put it under the mattress in the cot when #1 had reflux. It helped to keep them elevated while they slept.

Our pead mentioned that the constant feeding was likely the baby’s way of easing the reflux pain by swallowing but unfortunately being over fed caused pain too. My baby was younger when reflux was diagnosed (I’m thinking it was around 4mths) but we still remember when we started on medication, the poor Bub finally relaxed and settled in for a big long sleep.

I second showering with the baby. We started at around 12 months, when I realised that I needed to prioritise me getting a shower daily for my mental health (and for the sake of everyone else around me!)

Non-slip mat, couple of toys, and only bothering to crank out the baby soap every couple of days has been a game changer here.

I received a text from Karitane to call their intake line. I called constantly on Friday but no one answered.

Last time I went to the GP to ask about reflux, they gave me a printout that said silent reflux doesn’t exist.

I think my file has been marked ‘nuisance’. They just do not help me. Might be time for a new GP.

My DH can’t/won’t do nights. That’s a whole separate argument and won’t change unfortunately.

I received a text from Karitane to call their intake line. I called constantly on Friday but no one answered.

Last time I went to the GP to ask about reflux, they gave me a printout that said silent reflux doesn’t exist.

I think my file has been marked ‘nuisance’. They just do not help me. Might be time for a new GP.

My DH can’t/won’t do nights. That’s a whole separate argument and won’t change unfortunately.

Maybe find another gp? My middle son was a terrible sleeper. He would wake constantly too and need a breastfeed to go back to sleep.

The way I got out of that habit with my oldest was when he woke in the night I would give him a drink of water. Soothing enough but stops getting used to food at night.

My middle son this didn’t work. Turned out he had reflux and was crying from that. A drink (breastmilk or water) would sooth his throat temporarily. He was a chucky baby. Even after he started crawling I would find puddles of vomit after I fed him.

You could try slightly inclining his bed. Is he in a cot? Put books under the legs at one end so that he is not sleeping flat. That was one thing recommended to me to help with reflux.

I second showering with the baby. We started at around 12 months, when I realised that I needed to prioritise me getting a shower daily for my mental health (and for the sake of everyone else around me!)

Non-slip mat, couple of toys, and only bothering to crank out the baby soap every couple of days has been a game changer here.

I third showering with baby! I can't remember how old my kids were when they started showering with me or DH, but DD1 would've been around 12 months (once she could walk by herself). The shower at our old house was over the bathtub, so it was easy for me as I just put the plug in and let the bath fill up and the kids would splash around. If your bathtub is big enough, you could even get in the bath with your DS (he would probably find that fun!) It really makes such a difference to be able to feel clean and refreshed, especially if you're not sleeping well.