Baby-sitting/Hospital Dilemma

A hypothetical for you, and I'm curious for an EB perspective.

Say you agreed to baby-sit your friend's child on a day when your friend has to work - not one of their usual days - and they don't have any other childcare for their child.

A little while later, you find out your own child needs a specialist appointment - not anything too serious, but something that obviously needs attention.

The hospital offers an appointment which is on the same day you've agreed to baby-sit. You can't take any extra children to the hospital, so you would have to cancel on your friend. The next available appointment is a month later.

What do you do?

I would communicate with my friend. Let her know the situation and ask if she has any other options for babysitting but also make it clear that you would stand by your original commitment if needed as you can go again in a month. (Unless you really really want the spot)

Not enough info to decide sorry. It would depend on the problem of my child.

Not enough info to decide sorry. It would depend on the problem of my child.

This.

I think it would really depend on what the specialist appointment is for, but given you said “not urgent” I would err towards keeping the obligation and taking the later appointment.

However, the person who gets to decide its urgent or not is the parent, not the friend. I’d be extremely pissy with anyone who tried to know better about my child than me.

Also, and I’ve only just thought of this, dd had a specialist appointment postponed in September due to COVID. It was due to be rebooked in the month after, which hasn’t happened. I called in December to check and they said I’d get a letter to confirm an appointment for the end of Jan. Which still hasn’t happened.

So, in the current climate, I’d be more inclined to say sorry to the friend and take the appointment. At this stage, it might be a year between her being seen.

I'd probably take the appt at this stage in Covid times. You cannot rely on the next appointment being in a timely manner. I'd talk to the friend and see if she has other options.

Not enough info to decide sorry. It would depend on the problem of my child.

The issue is enlarged tonsils - just noted by the GP (not apparently causing any problems at this stage).

With your update, I'd do the babysitting. Only you will know of course if the person has the option of not working that day - without losing anything workwise (pay and/or reputation).

Not enough info to decide sorry. It would depend on the problem of my child.

 

The issue is enlarged tonsils - just noted by the GP (not apparently causing any problems at this stage).

In that case, I'd take the appointment. While the tonsils aren't apparently causing issues at this stage, that may not be the case next week.

The only sort of specialist appointment I would consider postponing is the type my premmie SN DD used to have with specialists on a semi-regular basis to confirm she was developmentally on track (and then I would only have postponed if I had no concerns).

I would keep any appointment for an illness / potential surgery.

Can your child’s father take them to the specialist and you babysit as agreed?

I would keep the appointment. Whilst you have another date in a month there is no guarantee it will occur given the covid situation. Plus once you see the doctor then you will have the wait for a surgery date which could be very lengthy. Yes you have committed to your friend but your 1st priority should be your own child.

Are you the one working or the one who offered to babysit?

Is it a hard and fast rule that no extra children are available to attend the medical apt? I would contact the clinic directly to check.

It’s also worth thinking about what would have happened if the babysitter or their child was sick on the day. Presumably they would have to cancel then?

Are you the one working or the one who offered to babysit?

Is it a hard and fast rule that no extra children are available to attend the medical apt? I would contact the clinic directly to check.

It’s also worth thinking about what would have happened if the babysitter or their child was sick on the day. Presumably they would have to cancel then?

I reckon it would be because of COVID

Are you the one working or the one who offered to babysit?

Is it a hard and fast rule that no extra children are available to attend the medical apt? I would contact the clinic directly to check.

It’s also worth thinking about what would have happened if the babysitter or their child was sick on the day. Presumably they would have to cancel then?

 

I reckon it would be because of COVID

I assumed so too. Not sure if there are state variations though. At the last outpatient clinic apt at a children’s hospital i went to recently, there were 2 parents/1 kid or 1 parent/2 kids.

Or would the parent want their kid going into a hospital as an extra for the apt, even if it was allowed?

Not enough info to decide sorry. It would depend on the problem of my child.

 

The issue is enlarged tonsils - just noted by the GP (not apparently causing any problems at this stage).

Other posters have a good point re rescheduling due to covid. I’d definitely take the appointment in these circumstances but ENTs are notoriously difficult to get into around here.

Is it public or private hospital appointment? If public, I'd take the appointment, as in my area, it was many months on the public waiting list (18+ months) and changing the appointment could see your child bumped to the end of the list again. We used to wait about 1-3 hours in the waiting room, so we didn't take our other kids with us.

If it's private, there might be some flexibility.

My DS was due to see the ENT this week, as a private patient, at the ENT's office. As a private patient, it is about a 3 month waiting list. Unfortunately our DD recently told us about an extremely important life event, that both DH and I need to attend. DH realised last week that the date clashed with DS's appointment, so he rang up to change it, and we were prepared to wait a few more months - DS currently is well, but it could easily change, but in this instance, DD had to come first.

The ENT receptionist offered DH a different appointment a couple of days earlier, so DH accepted that. They rang back later, and had a cancellation for the next morning - so DH accepted that. This wouldn't have been possible in the public system. The ENT would have only just gone back after Christmas, so we were lucky there was cancellations.

So, if I were you, I'd ring the ENT office tomorrow, and see if you can change the date to a similar time frame, if it doesn't interfere with the rest of your life.

Can your child’s father take them to the specialist and you babysit as agreed?

Even better, the father of the child could take time off work rather than the husband of the friend.

I would definitely go to the appointment. Your child’s health is more important. It sounds like you agreed to help, probably because she asked. I work part time and I have no desire to baby sit other people’s kids on my day off, just as I have no desire to ask a friend to look after my kids for the day. There are other childcare arrangements available to your friend - they just cost money or may not be the desired choice of your friend or her child. Just tell her you have an appointment and get her to look after the child for this time. Depending on where you live, it might only be an hour or two.

There;s no guarantee the other child has a dad in the picture though.

There;s no guarantee the other child has a dad in the picture though.

Then why is it assumed that the OP’s child’s father is in the picture?

Thank you everyone for your responses, I appreciate it! I'm sorry for being sparse on the details but hoped it would help you give an unbiased answer.

This is the story: I am the baby-sitter (of a 2-year-old), and it's my kid with the tonsils. It's a private clinic, and I rang up to make the appointment. When I was told the date and saw on my calendar that I had the baby-sitting, I immediately said, "no, sorry, can't do that date" so they offered me the appointment a month later, which I accepted.

DH then told his mum about it, and she was appalled that I put someone else's child ahead of my own. It honestly never occurred to me that waiting a month would be a problem, and I knew that my friend was pretty desperate, so I was surprised at her response.

Some of you have made good points - like could my DH take our kid? Or baby-sit instead. He'd have to take time off work (while I'm a SAHM) in order to take kid. When I do take my kid, I will have to leave my other kids home with DH (he can work from home) - as someone said, it is a COVID regulation, 1 kid-1 parent. Now I don't mind leaving my own kids home while DH is working, but not sure if someone else will be comfortable with that, because I know DH will just park them in front of TV (it also actually didn't occur to me that it would be an option).

And mum of kid is finishing up her job before mat leave, dad is starting a new job. Both are teachers, so no flexibility on changing days (and mum's days have changed because of the way public holidays are). I;m sure there are other options but at this stage it would involve finding someone the child doesn't know, so not ideal.

So this has all given me things to think about, like is it really important for my kid to see the specialist sooner rather than later - what if there wasn't an earlier appointment, and the soonest was in a month? I'm sure if it was urgent the GP would have specified that. (and they didn't).

Thank you EB! If anyone has any further thoughts I'd love to hear them.

Teacat, I think that’s the right call for you. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re doing a good job.

You need to do what feels right. I get where your mil is coming from. A month is a long time to wait for an appointment. I get they are stuck for babysitting and one has a new job. You also have a child that has been referred from a specialist and the condition could be worse is a month.

If you felt obliged to carry through, I would do the DH looking after them whilst working from home. If they don’t like this, they can always make other arrangements. If they are that desperate for care that you reschedule a medical appointment for it, they are not in the position to be fussy.

Are you the one working or the one who offered to babysit?

Is it a hard and fast rule that no extra children are available to attend the medical apt? I would contact the clinic directly to check.

It’s also worth thinking about what would have happened if the babysitter or their child was sick on the day. Presumably they would have to cancel then?

 

I reckon it would be because of COVID

 

I assumed so too. Not sure if there are state variations though. At the last outpatient clinic apt at a children’s hospital i went to recently, there were 2 parents/1 kid or 1 parent/2 kids.

Or would the parent want their kid going into a hospital as an extra for the apt, even if it was allowed?

I'm in SA and before our last outbreak/lockdown when restrictions were at their most relaxed I tried to book a double dentist appointment for my two DDs. They wouldn't allow it because they did not allow siblings to attend appointments and technically while one DD was with the dentist the other DD that would be waiting for her appointment would be classed as a sibling, not a patient.

[mention]TeaCat[/mention] even before your update I would have done as you did and take the month later appointment.

Opinions will obviously differ, but I think you’ve made the right call in your circumstances.

Many of us can’t or won’t drop every other commitment for something non urgent.

I’d be livid with my MIL for judging my choice on something like this - she is terribly out of line. And I don’t understand how her opinion was communicated to you either? Did she tell you herself? Or did DH relay it to you?

Is he annoyed with you also?