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Five year old acting odd


Yasmine

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Hi everyone,


This is Minnie from Essential Baby. I'm not sure how many people here know me, but I thought I would put that out there, since I changed my username. I just want to put a disclaimer here that I live overseas, so a lot of the details I write here do not apply to Australia.

I need some advice on an icky situation I have with my son. My son is 5 years old and he has ASD/ADHD. He's generally a very happy, animated, loud and cheerful boy. Schools here opened last September after a seven month shut down. I thought he would be upset about going back but he was fine. Then they started Christmas break and he started becoming very very quiet and not like himself at all. I told my husband and he said that it's because he is obsessed with this new game on his ipad and it's distracting him. However, my son has always been obsessed with games and cartoons and he's never gone quiet like this. He didn't come jumping on my bed in the morning, he didn't talk to me. You could almost forget he's at home. After Christmas break, his school gave an optional three week home schooling choice because of corona. We took that option and he continued staying home. He did his school work and everything, but he was still very quiet.

This week he retuned to school and he was very upset. He's not acted like that since nursery. He cried and tantrumed before and after. He refused to do his homework and was sobbing and upset. My son has learning disabilities and is used to having zoom lessons almost daily and usually he's ok with it. He's very naughty during the lessons but is otherwise ok. But this week he cried and was so upset. Then today, when I took him to school, his teacher said, "hello Mr, why are you so quiet?" Then she looked at me and said "he's been so quiet and not himself at all." Ok I'm stumped and worried and not sure what the problem is. He's usually very active at school. Maybe he's upset about going back but this doesn't explain the quietness the last few weeks.

My first worry would be that their is something physical. But there is nothing that I can see. I'm really upset about this. I feel like someone has replaced my boy. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Any advice?

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I don't have any suggestions Minnie, but welcome to new EB!


In your shoes I'd certainly be wanting to work out what's going on there, sounds like the teacher's none the wiser, either.

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That's a pretty dramatic change in behavior, I'd be wanting to eliminate abuse as a possibility (I know it sounds extreme but it does happen and big behavioral changes are a red flag). Any interactions before christmas that might have scared or upset him. There's been a lot of big changes and nt people are struggling, so I'm not sure if that could be exacerbated by his conditions?

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He sounds like he is overwhelmed. I'd take him to your family doctor and kick off a process of getting behind the cause/s. If he is ASD / ADHD it could be that whatever he is dealing with is too much for him to handle organisationally. It could be almost anything. Does he have specialists that know him well?

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Is it possible that he's seen something on his ipad that is not age appropriate by accident and doesn't know how to process it or talk to someone about it?

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Phillipa Crawford

How has he been processing the Covid information?

I wonder what he has heard or seen that makes him feel unsafe?

For neurotypical children there has been huge stress and massive adjustment and I suspect that where you live it is nothing like us in our safe little Aus bubble.

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Welcome back, Minnie! If I had to guess, I’d say pain.

 

Thank you.


Because I am so paranoid about my son's health, the first thing I want to eliminate is the existence of a physical issue. I've been watching him and I don't see any specific issues. He's eating and sleeping normally. He's started doing this weird thing where he bounces from one couch to the other while watching cartoon. It's a very high energy movement and he does it very frequently. I guess it's some kind of stimming. But I think if he is in pain, he wouldn't do that, because the movement is very violent. You never know though. It could be something that comes and goes.

The other thing that I noticed is that he started putting his entire fist in his mouth. I keep telling him to take it out but he will put it back in a minute later. He's never done that before. Never even sucked his thumb when he was a baby.

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Sore tonsils?

Low range UTI?


And does he have a high pain threshold? Some kids with ASD can have higher pain thresholds so you may not realise he's in pain the way you might another child.

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I can't recall where you are overseas but here in Aus there has been a great focus on student wellbeing with the return to face-to-face learning. My youngest probably has ADHD and anxiety (to be confirmed at our next part appointment) and really struggles with transitions. She can't/won't verbalise her feelings and lashes out (usually verbally, sometimes physically) instead. Although she was happy to be back at school after our lockdown last year, she really struggled with the change of pace and being around people again. Our school has appointed a wellbeing officer and that person worked with DD and other kids to help her settle back in and express how she was feeling. It's really made heading back to school after the summer holidays a whole lot easier, as she knows there's other kids feeling the same way, and someone she can speak to. I'd speak to the school and see what strategies and help they can offer as well.

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Around the age of 5 I think there is a bit of a hormonal surge, both my boys (adhd) did experience an increase in anger and odd behavior around then. This is not me saying that what you are experiencing is normal, it does sound concerning seeing the teacher has noticed a difference, cause normally my kids would mask at school, and unleash the behavior when they got home.


I think pain, UTI or tonsils may be a good place to start. Otherwise who do you take him to to diagnose the ASD etc, maybe an appointment there might help.

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Is he perhaps being bullied or targeted in some way at school?

 

He was fine until Christmas break though. Happy and joining in the school play. This behavior started when Christmas break started, around the 20th of December.

Several people have mentioned pain, which really concerns me. I've been trying to think hard about this. When my son was a baby/toddler, I used to feel that his pain threshold is higher than other kids. He was the only kid I know who didn't cry or wake up in the middle of the night when he was teething, including molars. And he would be playing and running around when he had a high fever and inflamed tonsils.

The last few years, he has become much more vocal about any pain and physical discomfort. My neck hurts, my tummy hurts, my feet hurts. I've heard random stuff like that a lot in the last couple of years. Just last week, he pointed to a piece of skin sticking out of his toe and complained that it hurts. If he's experiencing some kind of physical pain right now, why is he not telling me? Especially if it's something that is so uncomfortable that it is causing him a change of behavior? However, he has developed a fear of doctors recently, due to taking several vaccines in a row and may be trying to avoid a doctor's visit. I will try and ask but honestly it's useless because he hates these kinds of questions and either ignores it or starts messing with me ie. "yeah everything hurts haha."

I will try to speak to the pediatrician and maybe see him this week just to exclude any problems.

Regarding corona, my son is detached and unlike other kids, he's never asked me about it. My friends kids are always asking about why school has shut down etc. My son never did. But the quarantine has been very bad for his ASD. We had a seven month shut down where we were stuck at home. Then he schools opened last September. But still we didn't go out or do our normal stuff. He came to my room yesterday and told me that he misses Scotland (his dad's country), which we were not able to go to this year because of corona and that he misses play areas and parks. Poor boy.

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  • 1 month later...

So, my son's school called me for a meeting because they had concerns they wanted to discuss with me. My son has a learning disability, so most of the concerns were academic. The teachers said that he completely changed around Christmas break and has lost motivation and doesn't seem interested in trying. They also said that he is obsessed with death and dying and violence etc. This is in addition to how bad he is doing academically.

This is basically around the same time that my husband and I noticed a change in his behavior as well.

I was very disturbed after this meeting and just not sure what to do. But his teacher offered to talk directly to his specialist and I'm thinking of taking him to a psychologist to see why this is happening.

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That is concerning... but perhaps also reassuring- there’s definitely something going on, you aren’t seeing an issue that isn’t there. Psychologist sounds like a sensible plan.

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tinselfoil hat

Sorry to hear your boy is having a tough time :( anxiety and depression isn’t uncommon in kids. It’s really wonderful when it’s picked up because you can change the entire course of a child’s life by arming them with as many strategies as possible while their minds are so pliable. He’s a lucky boy you’re taking it so seriously. I think many parents ignore the possibility of poor mental health in children.

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