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Behaviour issues at school (6yo girl)


reneegibson85

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reneegibson85

Hi guys,


I have been separated for 2 years and successfully co-parenting during this time on alternate weeks. In September 2020 though, my kids Dad had to move interstate for work leaving me with the kids 24/7. Its been tough but manageable and he tries to visit at least once a month for the weekend. I don't have access to any other immediate family or friends to help with the kids.


Recently, my 6 yo daughter who commenced Grade 1 at school very successfully receiving loads of praise, awards and recognition started to display reluctance to follow directions and do work. Over the past 2 weeks its escalated to property destruction, meltdowns and suspensions due to the violence and risk to safety. Her last full day of school was over two weeks ago and we are now attempting to attend school for 2 hours in the morning then being picked up which often doesn't happen.


All strategies and attempts to help understand what's going on with her aren't working. I'm feeling frustrated, emotionally drained and losing the juggling game. I've engaged both a child psychologist and family counsellor to try and get to the bottom of whatever is going on. We had a great session and I sent the school some insights - basically she isn't feeling safe and some potential triggers to manage but nothing developmental. Regardless of this effort, there is still no improvement in my daughters behaviour and I feel like to school is inconsistently trying new things, not really following a plan or guidance from our psychologist. I'm concerned that the longer this goes on, the worse things might get and the more reinforced the negative becomes.


Right now though I'm lost on what more I can do, feeling belittled by the constant calls to pick her up and trying to manage. I'm after feedback on how I can best handle / influence the school to get a better outcome? What worked didn't work for you? What questions or direction did you ask psychologists for?

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That sounds really rough. I have a 6 year old Year 1 student and it can be a bit of a step up from FYOS but I would be really concerned at such a big change in behaviour if this school environment is not new and she coped with FYOS well.


If a child is unsettled and is taken out of class and eventually sent home then there are likely to be a few teachers/school leaders that are interacting with her. It sounds like the class teacher starts off the day but then she is spending time in another area of the school when distressed. Is your concern that the classroom teacher is doing things that are a trigger or that the school is not following recommendations to de escalate the situation? Are all these people aware of your psychologist’s recommendations? Maybe ask her who comes to the classroom (in our school it would probably be the executive teacher or even the principal) and try and get a meeting with them.


I know you have said that you have been told that this is not developmental but it may be worth getting on some waiting lists for a developmental paediatrician in case you need a more thorough screening. Some things you can do are to check hearing and vision to rule out any difficulties that might be affecting her learning.


Keep posting - there are lots of parents with experience here that can give you ideas and support.

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Kiwi Bicycle

Would it be worth talking to the prinicipal/ deputy principal about whether you daughter is in the best fit class? Would another teacher be better/ more open to things? It's still early in the school year, they may be able to switch classes?

And third seeing a developmental pead.

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reneegibson85

Thanks everyone.


You are 100% right - this is our second year at this school and we didn't have these issues last year so the sudden change in behaviour is very alarming.


So far we have engaged with the classroom teacher, Deputy Principal and School Principal all on a single daily email and additional support during the day in attempt to de-escalate from the school Chaplin, special needs support officer and guidance counsellor.


My gut-feel is that there is no other support in the classroom like a Teachers Aide as well as my daughter and her teacher not gelling well personality wise (both possible triggers). I suspect when things go wrong, the teacher can't de-escalate it and so she calls in the deputy principal. My daughter now is not trusting the deputy principal who she used to love because every interaction now is negative.


I have suggested getting a teacher aide like last year for my daughter and also potentially changing classes. The school doesn't seem keen on either and is recommending we just keep trying the 2 hr blocks. Can I actually push this point though?


It's a great idea to check with the developmental pead - put it on my list to do. Thank you!

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Princess Peach

I’m assuming each state is the same, but in Qld, Schools funding for teacher aids past prep in classrooms is usually linked to a diagnosis.


But if the teacher isn’t a good fit, I’d be pushing for her to change classes, it’s something easy for them to try whilst you are waiting for an appointment with a developmental pead.


There isn’t a remote chance that she is misbehaving now simply because she knows she will be sent home & home is much more fun that school as she can do xyz all day instead of waiting for the weekend?

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Has something changed at school? Is she being bullied or targeted in some way? It’s odd for there to be such a substantial change in a short period...

Does she attend any out of school activities? If so, how is she behaving there?

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Many kindergarten classes have a teacher’s aide but a Year One class will often only have one if there are funded children but even then might not have one full time. Did your daughter need the aide to support behaviour or learning last year?

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Lizzybirdsworth

I have written this pretty much word for word last term of last year. We are seeing a psychologist for his behaviour and emotion regulation and she says he has O.D.D. (Oppositional defiant disorder) and anxiety and depression but is hesitant to formally diagnose him because she feels the school will just use this as an excuse and reason for everything and not look for triggers.

It is so hard and so isolating. I spend my whole day on eggshells waiting for the call he has hurt someone or having a meltdown and to come pick him up. I found out from ds2 that the principal carried ds3 into the office today crying and yet I have been told nothing! The communication from the school has been shocking in some ways and fantastic in others. He is 6 and in yr 1 as well. We have an appointment in July 🙄 for development paed. Feel free to pm me if you want to chat and not feel so isolated

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Guest BusbyWilkes

Your poor little girl (and you too!) She has been dealing with a lot of change.

I would be cross with how the school is supporting (or not) your DD. What state are you in (there are some differences in how supports work from state to state).

Has the psych out a plan in writing? If so, I would request a meeting at the school. Ideally with psych too if they do visits.

It seems like lots of people are involved. It’s likely she is getting mixed messages. Request that they follow the plan for a length of time (eg 2 weeks) before they make any other changes. I would also think about saying that you won’t be picking her up when they call. At the moment they don’t need to find a solution because they are sending her home. I know of kids who started in this pattern and have ended up not returning to school. While this is less likely at your DDs age, it can be a real issue (particularly if there is underlying anxiety).

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I'm not sure if this is a stupid question and I apologise in advance if it is, but the possibility of a physical cause been discussed with a GP?


I've read about post-viral illness leading to behavioural changes (I'm not sure whether that's even a possibility here) and my six year old still struggles to differentiate between emotional and physical issues when she doesn't feel well. An undiagnosed ear infection or UTI would make things pretty tough to manage at home.

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Fruitmincepies

Year 1 was really difficult for my DD. FYOS had been very play-based, and the move to desks and lots of written tasks was very very difficult for her. She found it particularly hard when the other kids found the work easy and she didn’t. We didn’t have big behavioural issues, but she had a lot of trouble regulating her emotions and was often very upset in class when she couldn’t do her work, or did badly at something.


Anyway, halfway through the year she got reading glasses, which have helped, she certainly has more confidence with regards to reading. And we saw an educational psychologist, who did various testing and says we should see a dev paed about ADHD (she was so helpful and I’m really pleased we saw her).

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reneegibson85

Feeling so reassured that I'm not crazy - thank you for all of your responses.


We are in QLD and my daughter did utilise the teachers aide quite heavily last year so I received a letter from the school stating that she was being given additional support. Now we are in Grade 1 that's all disappeared.


I'm concerned that this pattern of outcome she's seeing (i.e. ok then cranky then principal visit then home) could be reinforcing the wrong behaviour. Now that I have school material to work from, I'm basically home schooling her so she won't fall behind her peers and trying to make home as boring as possible.


I've asked and so has the psychologist about potential bullying and she mentioned some 'mean boys' in class but no specific incident. She doesn't do activities per se but she doesn't act like this at all outside of the school environment (friends parties, play dates, weekends and home).


Our psychologist is developing a plan after meeting us and reviewing all the material I provided including incident reports, plans from school and my own notes. I agree that the 'stabbing in the dark' inconsistency at school and changes everyday would be very confusing and I'd like to see something attempted multiple times before we change tact...how do I suggest that because their 'plan' (if you can call it that) seems like it wasn't well thought out and rushed?


I did see a GP because initially she had a 'sore tummy' regularly so I wanted to rule out anything physical. After a swag of tests she's physically healthy as a horse.


I certainly noticed a big increase in the expectations on the kids between FYOS and Grade 1. The classrooms were quite spacious, play based as you mentioned and loose structured learning. Now the kids look squished in like sardines, asked to sit in desks and write a lot. My daughter mentioned feeling 'squashed' even when people weren't near her and the general noise level in the classroom made it hard for her to focus.....maybe sensory issue not helping on top of everything else?

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Lizzybirdsworth

Being sent home every time something happened, then trialling partial enrolment did not work for us last year. He was only going until 11 and we trialled until 12 for 2 days and ended up with another suspension. It was a habit for him. He preferred to be home, ended up putting on 3kgs in that 3 months because he was boredom eating and no longer getting the physical activity he would get at school.

He refuses to do any school work and is violent at school and at home. The psychologist we see does not recommend partial enrolment for these reasons and thinks it’s a major step backwards for child and the school get away with not dealing with the actual issues.

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