Parents of large families

Not entirely sure where to put this thread, but just kinda wondered if anyone else with a large family wanted a place for general chat, stories, wisdom, support, whatever.

I have 4 kids, youngest is nearly 4mo, eldest is 5yo. I guess it depends who you ask what qualifies as a large family sometimes, but I'm guessing 4+ would be an average consensus. 3 seems to be becoming much more common

Anyway, I guess why I'm posting today is sometimes I doubt myself on having had this many kids, especially so close. My eldest has a kinder end of year get together at the local park tomorrow afternoon. Dh is at work late for first aid training. I want to take the kids, especially for DC1. But I worry about how i'll keep track of them all, mostly DC3, who's a bit of a runner. I could strap them into the pram, but at 2yo that seems cruel, he'll want to play. It might not matter in the end, if bub is down for a nap i'm not going to wake them. And I tell myself it won't be forever, in a couple of years maybe that won't be so much of a concern. But right now, it sucks feeling like my abilities as a parent aren't enough so my kids miss out.

I’ll come back with a better reply, but just wanted to put my hand up. I have 4, ages 8-13.

When youngest was born I had a newborn, 18mo, 3yo & 5yo. It feels bonkers to have them at the ages they are now, as it felt at times the younger years would last forever, yet here we are. I do miss those times dearly though, despite how hard it was.

Anyway, I’ll come back later to chat, I just wanted to pop in and reassure you you’re not alone, and send virtual hugs

I'm also popping in briefly and look forward to chatting more. I'm also a mum to 4. Things are getting easier as they get older but I still feel like we miss out on so much. I do feel sad for my older kids because there's so much fun stuff we could be doing with them that is just impossible with the younger two around.

I do have a question to start: Do any of you work with 4 kids? I haven't worked since DS was born and the thought of going back at some stage (probably once the twins are at school) feels very daunting.

Also any tips for managing housework? I stay at home far more often than I'd like because a) the effort of getting everything out the door is often not worth it, and b) if I go out and don't do chores it piles up and I might never get to the bottom of the washing pile.

[mention]Leweljocat[/mention] I haven't worked with 4 yet, but did with 3. But I'm lucky that casual teaching isn't long hours. Having three in daycare is expensive, but casual rates cover it pretty well. Downside, of course, casual work isn't reliable, I would've worked until June/July this year if covid hadn't happened, but it did and there goes 5 months income. We also had a pretty good set up for me because dh likes to go in early, so he'd take the kids to daycare and I'd just have myself to worry about in the morning, then I'd get home and have a couple of hours to myself, could catch up on housework or just rest. Pumping was annoying, not looking forward to that again.

Housework, well, take my advice with a grain of salt because my house is always a bomb site lol. But I do try to do a load of dishes and at least 1 load of washing a day (we have 2 washing machines now which is a wonderful thing lol). If I was going out (we don't really either) I'd probably try to do those before we left or do an extra load the day before

When I had my 4th, the oldest had just turned 5 and the others were 3 and 2. We went on to have number 5 when the others were 8, 6, 5 and nearly 3.

I feel really guilty now that the youngest is nearly 3 and the only one at home 2 days each week, we can do things together and I really enjoy it where as when the eldest was 3, she was a big sister twice over and there was a toddler and a new born needing the attention so she missed out on a lot. But then I figure if we hadn't had them so close together, there's no way we would have had 5 kids and I wouldn't swap any of them for the world.

When I had my 4th, the oldest had just turned 5 and the others were 3 and 2. We went on to have number 5 when the others were 8, 6, 5 and nearly 3.

I feel really guilty now that the youngest is nearly 3 and the only one at home 2 days each week, we can do things together and I really enjoy it where as when the eldest was 3, she was a big sister twice over and there was a toddler and a new born needing the attention so she missed out on a lot. But then I figure if we hadn't had them so close together, there's no way we would have had 5 kids and I wouldn't swap any of them for the world.

Yes, that's something else to think about too.

I have to keep reminding myself of how much the kids really love each other and their lives are so much richer for having each other. And as they get older it will be easier to get some more one on one time.

One of my friends has 4. She and her husband both work part time. Their oldest kid is in high school as well so no paying for osch.

Thank you everyone, all these thoughts and feelings are so familiar to me, it's really comforting to know I'm not alone. My friends with kids have 1 or 2, one is going back for number 3, and while I know they're trying to be nice the "I don't know how you do it" comments kind of do my head in and make me feel more alone.

I can handle it, I'm the only one in my group that breastfed too (which is just said as a fact not a judgment). But it's nice to find other people that get it a bit better.

I try to think of the first 21m of my eldest's life as pretty lucky, she was the only one that got me all to herself for that long. And she didn't go to daycare until 15m ish after I was pregnant with #2 whereas #2 and #3 went at 6m. But I still feel bad for her now, she still needs me so much and i've always got other kids to attend to. I've been considering sending the others to daycare on Wednesday a couple of times in Feb when she has a day off for the start of prep so we can have some one on one time. But then I feel bad sending the others away, particularly my youngest as she'll only be 6 months. Can't win either way. I expect I'll have to be working full time or close to it by the time I'd be due for time just with her. Dh certainly expects so. Which I get, he's very focused on his financial goal and I'm with him, but also don't want to lose the time while they're young completely for a future that's never guaranteed.

Lol I think I've started rambling so I'll stop for now

None of the friends I went to high school or uni with have more than two. None of the friends I did post grad with have any.

 

In my circles, I know one other family with 4 (similar ages to mine), a couple with three, most with 2 and a few with only one, including DD1's best friend, who is an only child, and who she always compares herself to - it breaks my heart! So many time she says "why can't we do this like best friend does" and I always have to say it's because her family doesn't have 4 kids.

I'm just curious, did you all plan to have 4+ kids? Or is it just how it worked out? We always said we'd like 4, but I now think if our twins had just been one, we would've stopped at 3.

I have a blended family of 6 and we have all of the kids 80+% of the time.

The kids are 6,9,10,10,11,14

I never thought I would have a big family, and yet here I am

So I can’t relate to you having them close or being so young, but did want to say that it def gets easier as they get older!

We blended when our youngest was 1, and it was hard having a little one and then the older ones, but now it’s evening out. The youngest is well in the mix now and it’s not a them and her scenario anymore.

Cleaning-get the kids to help. I found once they knew how much effort it took to do a big clean up, they would tidy as they go and I find it much easier to manage.

Work-I have just gone back to work this year and am loving it! It was difficult thinking about who’s doing what and going where and needing what, but we all now know what’s happening so on my work days the kids know what happens, I know what happens and can go to work and do my job and not be wondering who’s doing this or are they home.

I pay my girlfriend (single mum who homeschools her 1 child) to pick the younger kids up from school and just wait at my house til I get home. The kids can do their homework, she does arts and crafts with them etc and I get home to a house full of happy children.

She loves it as her son gets to socialise with my lot, she gets a little extra cash, and we often have them stay for dinner as the kids are having loads of fun.

I have 6 kids aged 1year old - 15 years old. We always wanted a large family.

Cleaning - I have no tips there

Work- I am a supervisor for the kids distance education, carer for the kids and self manage the kids ndis plans, no time for anything else right now.

We talked about 4 pre kids but also always went, we'll see how it goes when we have them. I think 2 was always a given for us though. Dh is from a family of 4 so he had some idea coming into it what it's like. When #2 was born I knew pretty much straight away I wanted another and #3 showed up a lot quicker than we expected. Dh said he was done then kinda changed his mind as #3 got a bit bigger and thankfully #4 was conceived not long before my window of willingness to have her was going to close. So planned vs not planned, I guess a mix lol

I have 5

Aged 17, 12, 10, 5 and 2 .

DH and I run our own business together .we function as a tag team in both home life and work life .when one is at work the other is managing the domestics and vice versa .only way we have managed. Just.

Sometimes I do think we are overwhelmed with both and not brilliant with either but I think it's just us being harsh on ourselves .

Other people are amazed how we manage everything but then I feel like a fraud .If only they knew lol .but I think everyone thinks that .

We have 5 - 15, 12, 12, 10, 10 (two sets of twins - eldest set about to turn 13).

We'd thought about having 4, and got a bonus one with the second set of twins. Yes, most parents of fraternal twins stop at that point, but we rolled the dice again and found out how ridiculously fertile we are. Can't imagine it any other way now, but it gets pretty hectic at times.

As the saying goes, little kids, little problems, bigger kids, bigger problems, and that's pretty true of our experiences - when we had 5 under 5, it was very physical, in the trenches and just getting through, now there's a lot more psychological stuff to manage with teens and almost teens.

I used to work in IT, but then retrained as a teacher when the youngest were toddlers, and started working part-time when they started kinder. I went full time 4 years ago, and my husband works full time as a teacher as well. We live regionally in Victoria, so this year has been 'interesting', to say the least, with two lockdowns and working from home with 5 kids learning from home to manage.

Having school holidays together is a bonus, so we really make the most of that, and go camping a lot. The older ones are all pretty understanding about the fact that as a large family, we aren't able to do the same things as some of their peers from one or 2 child families, and they're generally pretty cool about that. I also think that there's lots of benefits that they do get with 4 siblings to share and interact with, and I refuse to feel guilty about it, nor the fact that I work full time.

I have, however, been getting a bit of push-back lately from one of the 10-year-olds, along the lines of "Other mums do such-and-such..." (never "Other dads...", grrr) - I'm normally able to discuss and redirect that line of discussion fairly calmly, but must admit to being rather short with that line of thinking at the moment, after the year we've had.

We have 5 - 15, 12, 12, 10, 10 (two sets of twins - eldest set about to turn 13).

We'd thought about having 4, and got a bonus one with the second set of twins. Yes, most parents of fraternal twins stop at that point, but we rolled the dice again and found out how ridiculously fertile we are.

 

Yup, we are that family that stopped after one set of fraternal twins. I was very surprised that we had twins - I had never thought it would happen - and just the thought that it might happen again and then we would end up with 6 is enough to put me off!

I only have 3 - it was 3 under 4yo. So I don’t really belong here, but I just wanted to mention on the leashes and pram thing -

DS1 broke 3 leashes. Pulling away. I had to use them as a straight safety thing.

It was shocking later to me when DD would still be standing next to you while you paid for something even though you’d let her out of the pram.

And a pram and a car seat are the only 2 socially acceptable ways to tie a kid up. Use ‘em when you need them and don’t feel any guilt !

You are totally welcome with any advice to share!

I'm having this issue at the moment. One of my twins, who has mild CP, has been walking for about 4 months now, and she's getting relatively good - not falling over as much, not as wobbly, but still holds her arms out in front for stability.

She's started wanting to walk by herself when we go out, rather than sit in the pram. I want to encourage her, and it's fine if we're somewhere safe like a path in the park or inside a shopping centre. But if we have to cross a road, or on a footpath that's not safe, I put her back in the pram because physically she can't hold on to anything while she's walking - she'll lose her balance.

I have to keep pushing her sister (who can't yet walk) in the pram, so I can't hold both her hands (which she hates). And she hates being back in the pram. I do have a skateboard attachment for the back of the pram and I keep meaning to try that for her, but not sure if her balance is good enough yet and if she would keep holding on (it also makes the pram a lot harder to push).

I like to look for positives, so even though both twins have CP, at least they're both not running off in different directions at the moment. Hopefully by the time DD3 is walking, she'll be that bit older and hopefully more sensible.

How do/did people deal with the logistics of a big family? You know storage, sleeping arrangements, clothes, getting stuff done?

We've got the big 3 in the same room, but the 2yo is being extremely difficult and not something until 9-10pm most nights and with eldest starting school i'm worried about her sleep. But moving her means losing the playroom which frankly saves my sanity without toys all through the lounge like they were. Another room in this house would be really nice, but not likely to happen anytime soon.

Anyway, that's my current dilemma but any tips on logistics would be helpful, probably not just for me

We're doing ok with clothes worn atm - 1 drawer per kid, separate drawer for pjs, onesies hanging, i've managed to get all 4 in the one cupboard. The uh out of size clothes that are getting handed down, however, big issue lol. Thankfully I can finally get rid of stuff as bub grows out of them, but she's 5 months and just fitting 000s so it'll be slow going

Lol I still have hopes that one day I might be an organised mum

Jeez storage though, our house is terrible. I've been looking at cube storage looking around the house going, big one there, smaller ones there, there, maybe there etc. Wonder whether that'll be enough for all our crap haha. Also slowly trying to get rid of more of the crap, but, you know, need lots of it, takes time and effort lol

I have a large family as I have 4 kids but feel I don't fit in in this thread as I haven't had the same experiences as others. This is because 3 of my kids are the same age..... I have a 17yo and 3x 14yo's.

So while I have the cost of 4 kids, I kinda feel that I have had "2 child parenting" experience in some ways as I have only had kids at 2 different stages/ages, IYKWIM.

The 14yo's are very happy at the moment, they each got their own room for the first time as a Christmas present. We did renovations in 2013 to build enough bedrooms for them all. It has been fun (not) emptying two junk rooms and finding new homes for all of the stuff that came out of there!

OMG, triplets! Are they identical?

Sure are!

If your get together was at Livvi's Place in Lynbrook it would be good for your family.

The whole park is gated and it has toilet facilities. Otherwise dress them as brightly as possible for easy visibility.

Wow triplets! That must have been full on. Absolutely welcome here, multiples still count

Wow triplets! That must have been full on. Absolutely welcome here, multiples still count

OMG, triplets! Are they identical?

 

Sure are!

 

I couldn’t imagine dealing with two at once, let alone three. It must be exhausting on steroids.

Full on and exhausting certainly are words that describe my parenting experience! But, my life also has been full of love and fun too

I only have 3 (the last 2 are very close in age, consecutive years) but when we went out to crowded places I dressed them in the same colour

Triplets definitely count as three individual kids! I'd say my twins are definitely more than twice the work of having one baby at a time (or toddler plus baby).

Organisation, logistics - it's full-on. We have 4/5 bedrooms (one is a formal lounge converted to be DH's study), so the two older kids each have their own room and the twins share. I have a problem at the moment that, while they go to bed at the same time (and thankfully mostly sleep through the night) one wakes at the crack of dawn, and often wakes up the other, who would prefer to sleep in a lot later, so I then have a cranky toddler for the whole day (sometimes she has a nap, but not always). I don't really want to separate them, because logistically it makes most sense for them to share while they're little. I'm hoping my early bird will eventually get back to waking a bit later.

I've toyed with the idea of giving the twins the study room when they're older, as it's a fair bit bigger than the bedrooms, but it doesn't have built-ins. As it is, they share the one built-in cupboard in their room, but they're the same size and share clothes, so it's fine. One side of their cupboard is full of hand-me-downs waiting for them to grow into, so that will free up as they get older.

We don't have a separate playroom, but the big kids keep their toys in their own rooms, and just the little kid stuff is out in the living room. We also have an enclosed patio which is like their outdoor playroom, so a lot of stuff ends up out there.