DD and friendships

DD has a closest friend (S) she plays netball with. She also has other school friends and still primary school friends. She introduced a primary school friend (M) to S a couple weeks back. I was a bit apprehensive (2's company, 3's a crowd) but the girls got along and she seemed happy

They all caught up today to go swimming and she was very quiet when I picked her up. I pressed her what was wrong and she said that S & M ignored her and left her out. She was pretty upset.

I said she could keep the two friendships separate but she said S & M exchanged contact details. I said well she could talk to them and explained she felt left out, but she doesn't want to do that either - DD is very non-confrontational.

What other advice can I give her? She's quite upset.

It's very hard navigating friendships.

I feel sad for your daughter, but my advice would be to go with the flow. I would also say that friendships morph and change and that you can't control another person. I would help her connect with her longterm friend on a 1 on 1 basis but I would also encourage her to build new friendships and have a wide circle of friends.

I personally don't think it is healthy to have just 1 "best friend".

In saying that, my DD has great trouble in finding good friends like her She is pretty isolated socially sadly.

Hope your daughter cheers up soon.

I would just listen. She feels hurt and that is okay. You don’t necessarily need to solve it for her. It sounds like her two friends found a great connection and probably enjoyed getting to know each other and may not have been aware they were leaving her out. I would just tell her it must have been hard to have that happen and it is okay to be upset.

I’d give it some time.

It’s great that the two friends got along. It’s a new friendship for them, with all the excitement that comes with that. Hopefully, it will level off once the newness, the novelty of it, wears off a bit.

Unfortunately, as a mum, there isn’t a lot you can do except offer a hug. Maybe suggest some one on one get togethers, so she still gets that connection, as well as together as a group.

I do tend to want to "fix" things when my kids are upset. She's still a little unhappy and won't speak to her friends, although both have messaged her. I think she needs to bite the bullet and just speak to them but I can't make her!

She has a lot of different friends and usually keeps them all very separate. She only considers her high school friends acquaintances - been a bit of a weird year for new school and new school friends though!

Unfortunately, if she isn’t returning their messages, that is just going to push her further out - kids that age aren’t going to keep trying for too long if they feel they aren’t wanted, But I know how hard it can be to try and push past that hurt,

Friendships are so hard ... if she is used to keeping friends seperate, then it can be a huge adjustment to have to share or combine those friendships. It creates a new dynamic.

Hopefully going into the new year at school, things will get better with the high school friends. It’s been a crappy year for new friendships, and on top of that, I found with my girls that it was really the second year of high school that friendships tended to settle in better.