Tetchy Teenager

I am a very helpful and hard working person. But I bristle if someone asks me to do something that they could easily do themselves. Also I am happy to help but want to be able to choose my own time frame. Being asked to get up to make a cup of tea is one example I would dislike. . Hence I have never asked my kids to randomly get or make me stuff because I hate having it done to me.

I agree with others your DH's entitlement is harmful to his relationship with his son.

A lot of people have weighed in on this, but thought I'd throw my two cents in. Tea/coffee in the evenings was a thing for our family. It's sort of an expectation that someone will make it. If everyone was sitting down in front of the TV, anyone is liable to be asked to make it (though turns are usually taken). My sister, even now 10 years later, would just pretend she wasn't there, so it'd be up to anyone else to go and make it. She literally pretends she's not there when all sorts of chores are being done. Whereas if I see chores being done, I go do some chores too. I think there are people who have limited ability to care for others beyond themselves and/or couldn't care less what others thought of them. Making tea/coffee is a kindness, a chance to show you care and value a relationship - it takes effort to do and you go out of your way to do it suited to the person you're doing it for. Not sure where I'm going with this, but I guess, if someone you loved asked you to make you a tea, even if you're doing something you wanted to do, you'd make it for your loved one. And that's what your son did. I don't know, this was a rambling response.

Seemingly, my husband doesn't drink tea. ever. So I make tea and never even think of him, but nor would I ask him to make me one unless I was very ill, in which case I probably wouldn't want one.

If i am making coffee, a much rarer experience, I will ask him and he might say yes 25% of the time.. he still would never think of making one himself.

Making tea and coffee is a kindness, but it shouldn't be an imposition. An able bodied person shouldn't be asking someone to make them a cup of anything in a home.

Whenever I have a less than ideal interaction with my child, I come away thinking of ways to handle it better next time. I look at my own role in it and whilst it is often the other person involved in the wrong, I also look at things like how me being in their space or something I said could have contributed or escalated it. And what behaviour they are having trouble with.

Teens are hard, I value engagement too. I would not expect someone to make me a cup of tea when I ask. Though I do not drink tea. But if I have been doing a lot for my kid, running them around, buying the, stuff or have gone out of my way to help them, I would expect the, to do something I asked. I do tend to tell the, if they choose not to help me, not to expect me to help them back when they need clean school gear or whatever.