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School friendship issues.


VeritasVinumArte

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VeritasVinumArte

DD has been at her school since grade 3 (Prep - 12 school). She is now in grade 6. She has had one girl who was good friends in grade 3, but I would have probably called them frienemies.


Now in grade 6 other girl makes comments like buzz buzz buzz it is that annoying fly whenever DD is around. I have told DD not to engage and enjoy the company of others.


Yesterday DD came home and said there was a dead bee in her locker. Lockers are inside the school, actually in the centre of the building. I said to her maybe it was carried in from outside (ie on the bottom of her bag), but DD then continued with she was WARNED by another friend that someone had been lurking by her locker and that there was a dead bee in there. Bee was on a high shelf in locker positioned centrally on the book shelf.


Now I am trying to work out what to do. I feel like putting things in lockers is an escalation of playground.


I want to ask the teachers just to keep an eye out for behaviour or DD not being herself.

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I'm easy going to the point of being almost comatose...but this I would be into the school like a bat out of hell. What the hell is this, the baby Mafia? A primary school version of a horse head in the bed? Not on...

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VeritasVinumArte

Luckily parent teacher is Monday so I can talk to her homeroom teacher and also the positive education teacher.


DH was on the leave things alone side andI am more yeah nah I want to flag it.

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I’d be inclined to have a chat to the school, that shows a level of maliciousness that doesn’t sit right. By and large I try not to get too involved in kids friendship issues, but will absolutely do so if necessary, most recently by requesting that certain girls not be in DDs classes if possible due to friendship issues and bullying.

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Misspent Youth

I'd say something to the teachers as well. Kids saying random annoying things is one thing, but planning and executing is where I'd draw the line.

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I would raise it with the teacher and ask that things be addressed with proper consequences. My thoughts are that this child is now willfully out to cause harm to someone else because of what ever friendship issues might occur. It is bullying and is not a form of physical bullying. If your child was anaphylactic to bees and she did not know it could of cause dire outcomes. In which case you can charge the other child. It is a mindfield when it comes to charging kids in this instance and is an extreme example but the reality is that it could have occurred and maybe the bully isn't aware of the full consequences that could occur. Educating them is the best option

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Agree about raising it. Sometimes new social connections can be subtly assisted by the teacher even in late primary by how they assign seating, group work etc and it will help in class groupings for next year.


DS is in Year 5 and this is the first year I have had to put in a list of who he ‘did not work well with’ for class considerations. One of the girls on the list is a school leader this year but she was quite persistent in getting in my son’s space and annoying him so I did not want them in class together.

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  • 5 weeks later...
Spidey_Senses

Ah man. Thats tricky but I would probably err towards saying something to the teacher. Because its crossing a line IMHO to touch someobdy elses personal stuff.


I have a 10yo and 8yo and Im really amazed at how girls in that age group behave sometimes. One of DD1s friends who was always nice to her has been going through her bag and taking her stuff out. DD has a fiddle toy for anxiety and a couple of times she caught the other girl playing with her fiddle toy at lunch time. Another of DD1s on again off again friends has been threatening kids in DD2s year. I had to report that to the teacher, even though I doubt the girl will actually do anything.


Even DD has done a couple of ridiculous things that Im a bit ashamed of (made up a rude poem about her friend, dd though it was just a joke, but friend was upset about it). I was suprised she could be so tone deaf as she is usually a kind kid.

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StillFreddiesMum

I would definitely raise with the teacher / school. Making an annoying "buzz buzz" sound around your child? Not cool but as an adult you tell your kids to "just ignore the bully". Putting a dead bee in your child's locker? This has upped the ante - please tell the teacher / school just so they can be aware of what's going on.


I know these threads can sometimes turn into "oh I would go in all guns blazing" type thing - but that's not what I would do - if you are already seeing the teacher next week, just raise it with them, tell them you are concerned and you want the teacher / school to be aware that it's upsetting your child.

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VeritasVinumArte

Mentioned it to the teacher but teacher was DD needs to bring it up with him herself (school trying to empower the grade 6 kids). DD doesn’t want to. I did though manage to get onto school psychologist and she had a first session with DD before school holidays. DD enjoyed the session so will be happy to delve more into issues next term.

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I'm not sure I would be happy with that tbh. What if like you daughter a kid isn't comfortable talking to the teacher about bullying and needs parental help? Might be fine for some kids, but does that mean the less confident kids are going to miss out on help with bullying issues.

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It doesn’t really empower people to force them into a position where they are uncomfortable. It’s a bit like throwing kids in the deep end and saying now learn to swim.

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That's really not a good enough response for the teacher. If your DD was comfortable telling the bullies to back off she already would have. That makes me angry actually.

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I can see both sides in some ways. The teacher is aware and I am sure that he will now be keeping an eye on the situation but if the incident is going to be followed up and students questioned (and potentially disciplined) about the incident then I can understand wanting to hear what happened from the student directly, rather than second hand from her mother.


It seems pretty likely that the girl doing the bullying will deny everything, if there is a group they might then try to pin blame on the girl who hung around the lockers and warned the OP's daughter. Nothing would necessarily be resolved by it. If there is a specific allegation about a patten of behaviour from a student then it's something for the school to follow up but I can understand not wanting to start the process without that.

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What awesome access to the school psychologist. At our school, unless there are very major issues they don’t even meet with the child. We got a referral from the teacher and all that resulted was a phone call and then referral to private psychologists (expensive and long wait lists but good). Getting an appointment for your child at school in almost unheard of, let alone more than one.

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Chicken Pie

I wouldn’t be happy - yes the teacher needs to hear it from your Dd but he could approach her to talk - my DD hates bringing bullying up so needs support and she will engage and frankly the other child needs to be spoken to etc

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We got a book about friendship issues to help dd in grade 2. It helped her to see how the others kids behaviour was a problem. I can see the teachers point of view... it is important that kids can ask for help when they need it, and my uninformed opinion, it seems like a good thing to practice in grade 6 before highschool starts. I'll see if I can find the book.

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VeritasVinumArte

Thanks [mention]Hmmmmm[/mention] i have purchased some books on friendships for DD. Also trying to make her more self aware of things she does that others may not appreciate.


[mention]Grumbles[/mention] I had already been talking to school psychologist via teacher referral (from term 3/4 last year) as DD is very chatty and doesn’t pick up on social cues. I think potential borderline ADHD or possibly ASD (our family has many borderline traits), unfortunately she (like my eldest) doesn’t tick quite enough boxes for overarching Dx (according to school Pysch from screening questions. Eldest we did see Paeds with).

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