Dark humour as a coping mechanism

Our school magazine has just come out, The Yr 12s all get an individual photo wit( an “inspirational” quote they put in. I am potentially a tad old-fashioned, but other than the rude ones that went way over the head of the editor and proof-readers, there were 2 comments that I was surprised were allowed to stay in, given our high school is a relatively conservative, Christian school:

1. “Here I am, with my 2 thumbs, but only 1 ovary” (DS’s friend who survived ovarian cancer last year)

2. “Guess you could say I learnt how to take a bullet” (from the boy who was shot in the stomach by his brother in their family home last year while their parents were away).

DS loved the first one, but even he was surprised by the second one, although said of both of them, “Well, I guess it is their jokes to make.”

DS has another friend who has lost both her parents to cancer and she frequently makes orphan jokes. I used to worry about her, but I know that she has lots of people around her and is doing well.

I don’t think I really have a question, I’m just more thinking “out loud.”

Sometimes you just have to make the joke and laugh to get through stuff...

I imagine he gets lots of smart arse comments about being shot, to me it just seems like he is taking ownership of what happened to him because he will always come up as that kid who got shot by his brother when we were at school.

I get it, I do it all the time.

I laughed at both,

I love dark humor and use it often

With the old fvcked your mum jokes, id respond with ewww you screwed a corpse? you sickp

I found both of them funny too.

Dark humour is the best humour. Silly humour is easy, it challenges nothing, it addresses nothing. Dark humour is a way for people to address things that are difficult in a gentle and often healing way.

I love dark humour and found them both funny.

I guess it is a bit like emergency workers, coroner staff etc. use humour to cope with their work

Both of these kids has near death experiences in their young lives. I think it’s a good thing that they have been able to find some humour in what happened to them and get on with their lives.

I am a dark humour person. I see absolutely nothing wrong with those quotes. I think they are brilliant for those kids.

When my Dad was diagnosed with Leukaemia (chronic variation) and everyone around me was treating it like a death sentence, my response was “at least the bus can still get you” (he had a habit if crossing busy roads not at the lights). The point being; yes he had a cancer diagnosis but that may not be the thing that actually kills him. Oh yeah, it has been 25 years since he got diagnosed.... the busses and taxis have had their opportunities.

Like others have said it is/was my way of dealing with things..... find the dark humour in a situation.

My eldest (15) is also very quick witted and has a very dark sense of humour.

I don't see dark humour as anything 'bad', even in a Christian environment. I'm glad those kids felt confident enough to put in a quote that felt right to them.

Sometimes some of us are just sarcastic in our humour just because.

I see the funny side of everything, not really coping mechanism, just the way I roll.

My late husband used to make loads of jokes about chemo, while he was going through it, because he was just funny. He was funny. He thought he was hilarious! Of course, he only did it if he thought the other person could laugh too.

I love dark humour. DH, being Jewish, is an absolute master of dark humour. And since my family background is German, he refers to our marriage as me holding him captive in a one-man concentration camp....

I love dark humour. DH, being Jewish, is an absolute master of dark humour. And since my family background is German, he refers to our marriage as me holding him captive in a one-man concentration camp....

love it!

Mine used to say he married me to stay in the country...(he was from Nz)

I use dark humour a lot too. For me, thing about those examples is a big thumbs up for the school to allow them to process their trauma in their own way - I can’t imagine many things much more soul destroying than being told as a teenager that using gentle dark humour as your coping mechanism is not appropriate.

Just to clarify, in case anyone is wondering - I should have said "pleasantly" surprised our school didn't censor them. I found them funny, too. And I definitely think it is important for these kids to process trauma in their own way.

Now I do have a question, though..... is dark humour more prevalent now, particularly in our teens, compared to when we were teens? Or was it just not prevalent in my circle at the time? (Or perhaps I was naive and just didn't notice it?)

I think they’re fantastic and very brave kids, I laughed too.

I also use a lot of dark humour, my whole family does and it’s a great way to deal with and relieve the tension off difficult situations.

We have used dark humour to cope as a family and if it wasnt for that outlet, things would have been much harder. Its always been a copnig mechanism for me as I never seemed to respond in emotionally appropriate ways to things and laughter itself is such a release of tension.

I think dark humour has always been popular but I also think that dark hurmour has become more acceptable in the mainstream as the younger generations cope with an increasingly complex and isolating yet virtually connected world.

I think if nurses didn't have dark humour we wouldn't have any humour!

Now I do have a question, though..... is dark humour more prevalent now, particularly in our teens, compared to when we were teens? Or was it just not prevalent in my circle at the time? (Or perhaps I was naive and just didn't notice it?)

My take is that it's more 'allowed' now. I'm sure it always existed, but I think there were times when the Western world was more hung up on 'stiff upper lip' or 'look on the bright side' or 'put that behind you' and unaware of the unhelpfulness of encouraging people to ignore their trauma. I think there is a greater appreciation of letting people express themselves. And also people used to have more fixed ideas on 'proper behaviour' in terms of what would be allowed to go in a yearbook.

Then again humour also evolves. I remember growing up how some (not all) of the English humour on TV seemed much more intelligent than the American humour. Not that the English didn't have the slapstick and basic stuff, but there was a range, whereas the American stuff was very basic across the board. And then I remember a decade or so later there were much more complex American shows, and I was watching Malaysian/Singaporean tv which was still in it's youth (comparatively), and thinking "that's like American shows from when I was a kid". Now there is definitely sophisticated humour coming out of America, and I'm guessing Singapore/Malaysia too (alongside all the basic stuff), but I think it's something that evolves as media does, that complexity and range of humour.

My Dd2 has severe scoliosis, which was controlled 3 years ago with spinal fusion, so she has a back full of metal rods and screws. And yes, she definitely uses humour in regards to it.

Not sure if it is particularly a coping mechanism though, more just the way she is ... she has always has a very dark, quirky sense of humour. Her teachers all through her schooling have commented on it - her art teacher in yr7 loved her, said how she drop comments that would simply go right over the heads of the rest of the class. The class would wonder why he would burst out laughing. And she would do it with a completely straight face. It has resulted in her having some great relationships with some of her teachers, who get her humour, and has has a few friendships die off because people just don’t always get her.

I do think there has been a change in society. Mental health issues have become much less taboo, and more acceptable to talk about and joke about the “darker” stuff in their lives.

Now I do have a question, though..... is dark humour more prevalent now, particularly in our teens, compared to when we were teens? Or was it just not prevalent in my circle at the time? (Or perhaps I was naive and just didn't notice it?)

In my experience, its more allowed now

When my mum died, anyone over 40 didnt appreciate my humor and thought i was utterly miserable, needing intervention. They saw it as a not coping sign yet it was the reverse for me, it helped , i learnt to shut up as to 'not offend' and cop a lecture about being insensitive

[mention]CallMeAl[/mention] my kids love the old Brits TV. Sarcasm, Wit etc. I can’t wait for Shakespeare with them.

Interesting article on humour between USA and UK

https://time.com/3720218/difference-between-american-british-humour/

I was/always have been dark humour, even as a teen in the 80s.

Miss 11 was preparing a body systems presentation for school.... hers was neurological issues.... when she realised that out of the 8 issues my side of the family had half (epilepsy- aunt, brain tumour- grandfather and me, , migraine - me, vertigo - me) so she called out “BINGO” as she completed a line of 4.

There are 2 options in this world - laugh or cry.

With all my husband's medical issues, which seem like we are collecting them, we take most bad news medically with dark humour thrown in ie "yep, of course. I don't just have sleep apnea, I have extremely severe sleep apnea, the worst that you have seen. Hi Five to me for being an overachiever!"

I am so sick and tired of crying about it all. I have had enough. It is a coping mechanism, and it works for us, because crying just makes it worse.

If the editor/school person left it in, so be it. Why should these people hide Their Truth (even with a tongue in cheek)

I married a Yorkshireman so not sure about dark but weird humour definitely, I would probably say I am a bit dark perhaps I guess same as my family