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Division of responsibility - eating


Daffy2016

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Thanks to tips from a very helpful member, we’ve been working on implementing the process from Kids Eat in Colour, which is based on division of responsibility. So we provide the food and it’s DD’s choice as to what and how much she eats.


Only she still will not try anything new or different. She sticks to the safe foods and will happily fill up on those but not touch anything. Even if I manage to get her to try it, she ‘doesn’t like it’, even though it’s something she used to love.


What am I doing wrong?

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Probably nothing.


It can apparently take up to 10 tastes of the same food before a child will like it.


What kind of things will she not try?

My kids eat broccoli raw but not cooked. Same goes for carrots. Dd does it with cauli and mushrooms too. Also capsicum.


Some things they’ll eat in a sauce but not all.

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Do her safe foods give her a reasonable spread across the food groups?


If so, I don't thing you're doing anything wrong.


One of my children was a very selective eater and I just refused to fight about food and he is now quite adventurous.


I tend to stick to what I know and feel safe with and my parents were quite happy to indulge that. My brother had a very limited range of foods as a little one. He pretty much had a bowl of rice, sugar and milk for many months/years as a littlie.


My father, as a child, was forced to eat everything on his plate and that plate would keep coming back for each meal until he did eat it, even if it was covered in mould. That experience shaped the way he approached our limited food choices as children in the 60's and 70's, a time when most parents were not usually anywhere near so liberal about food.


If you want to pursue it further you could seek out a speech pathologist/occupational therapist who runs a SOS/Fussy Eaters program and see if that helps. It's very intense though and quite expensive.

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I doubt you’re doing anything wrong. Not all methods work on all kids.


I roughly do a similar thing. But I also tie it to dessert as a reward, and DS must at least try 2 veg (or whatever I say he must try, sometimes it’s just “eat two pieces of sausage”) or no dessert. He doesn’t have to finish his plate though or even eat a great quantity. I just ask him to try it.


Does she eat a variety of food? How restricted is her eating. If it’s really restricted, then see your GP or a dietician, a kids one. Or an OT, the Dr can point you in the right direction.


Other things that helped me but might not help you

- get her to help prepare dinner. My kids eat a lot of carrots and raw veg when they’re helping me cook. I don’t care when they eat them, as long as they are eating them.

- look at the whole day, not just one meal. My son rarely eats dinner, but will eat a variety of food during breakfast and lunch, so dinner doesn’t bother me much.

- offer new food when they’re most hungry. This may mean they’re eating dinner foods for lunch or breakfast, doesn’t matter as long as they’re trying new things.

- add flavour, my son is a salt addict, a bit of salt goes a long way to getting him to eat something, and I don’t mean just sprinkle salt in stuff, I mean a bit of seasoning on the potatoes, maybe some cheese on his pasta, gravy on the veg, etc. My other son loves sweets, so he loves teriyaki fish, and boiled carrots, sweet potato, etc.

- vege and dip as snacks (and popcorn, it’s a vegetable ;) )

Edited by LemonMyrtle
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I doubt you're doing anything wrong. It can take many, many exposures for a child to try a new food. Have you tried presenting old favourites in new ways? That can help with their willingness to try new things.

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ClaudiaCosette

I agree that you're not doing anything wrong and would probably suggest just to keep trying. My older kids had a pretty limited diet when they were younger but as they're getting older they're branching out a bit more.


I also find that they will eat just about anything if someone other than me has cooked it (admittedly I'm a pretty basic cook). So if we are at someone else's house, they'll have a much wider variety of food. Could that be an option for you? Do you have friends or family who could sometimes prepare food and offer it to your DD? Just as a way to get to try new things.

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We just leave DS13 to it, we just and have meals that we know he will some of so eg we will have peas and broccolini a few nights a week as he eats those, we can sick of peas so we have spinach once a week but we put carrot and potatoes with it so he may ignore the spinach but eat the rest.


We don't see a point with fighting so for breakfast and school lunch and snacks it is all boring to us we just work with the choices he makes.

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I am a raging fan of kids eat in color.


I suspect the only thing you’re doing wrong is trying to get her to eat it.


Serve it then pay no attention to the food.


She can politely decline if she doesn’t want anything. She can explore if she wants to. But focus on enjoying the meal with her. Talk about something exciting that happened in your day. Talk about something exciting that happened in her day. Laugh. Enjoy each other. You enjoy your food.


Let her choose what she eats from what you serve.


Continue to serve the foods you would like her to try so she is exposed to them. But don’t provide any pressure to eat them. She’ll smell that pressure a mile off. Even if you don’t think it’s pressure.


Been there, done that. I promise most of them don’t stay fussy forever. Second half of kindergarten was a very significant turning point for both my kids in accepting more new foods.


Edited to add - it was very necessary for my children to feel safe that there would be enough food of at least one thing they like at a meal so they wouldn’t be hungry. When they trusted that would be the case, and trusted I really meant they could choose and were in control we made progress.

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Thanks to tips from a very helpful member, we’ve been working on implementing the process from Kids Eat in Colour, which is based on division of responsibility. So we provide the food and it’s DD’s choice as to what and how much she eats.


Only she still will not try anything new or different. She sticks to the safe foods and will happily fill up on those but not touch anything. Even if I manage to get her to try it, she ‘doesn’t like it’, even though it’s something she used to love.


What am I doing wrong?

 

I am also a huge fan of Kids Eat in Colour.


My son sounds exactly like your daughter - will happily eat all his safe foods and will very, very rarely try anything new..... but then you have a random breakthrough! He randomly started eating canned beetroot, roast chicken, pumpkin seeds, and blackberries all in the space of a month. Keep exposing her to new foods, and remind her that she doesn't have to eat it (that's my favourite part of KEIC's advice because it completely diffuses any arguing)


Stick with it, and keep the pressure off. So long as you are happy with what is served (and there is a "safe" food for her to fill up on if she doesn't want to try anything new) then you're doing everything right. You can't force them to eat or try new things - once I realised that and let go of the control our meal times became so much less stressful and I could actually enjoy them again!

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I have a very fussy eater but I'm also a fussy eater. I grew up in a household where I was expected to eat every single morsel on my plate which I absolutely loathed so even though DD is fussy, I refuse to stress out about it bc quite frankly I would have pulled my hair out from frustration many times over. DD and I have an agreement, she has to try a large bite (equivalent to 2 small bites) of whatever I cook, if she doesn't like it only then can she have her safe foods. It reduces the stress and anxiety for both of us. Once in a blue moon, she will like something new that I have cooked and then I do a happy dance that I can add one more item to her very limited safe food list. I'm just glad that she is trying it in the first place and hoping that over time, she will eventually become more adventurous and expand her food list.

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KeIC had a post today about ‘one bite’ strategies.


If it’s working for you, go for it.


But for many kids it can be problematic. OP if you’re considering going down this path have a look at today’s post first.

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You're doing nothing wrong! Of my 3, one has always been a pretty good eater who happily tries new foods, the other 2 were/are incredibly fussy. One of my fussy eaters (who had a very restricted diet for many years because of it) has, of their own volition, become a much more adventurous eaters whose diet has expanded dramatically in the last year, and it's been amazing for me to see it happen. The other remains incredibly fussy - it's not unusual for a meal to be plain pasta (maybe with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese). For all three, I've just provided them with food and given them the opportunity to eat it. I will often put platters of food on the table so each person can choose what they want to put on their plate, making sure that there is a 'safe' food for all of them.


We were reassured many years ago by an occupational therapist that although fussy, my kids diet did cover their nutritional needs, so if you are concerned about your DD's current diet perhaps talk to a dietitian or someone similar. Having the reassurance that they are meeting their dietary requirements meant that we could relax about food and give our children the freedom to explore new foods when/if they wanted.

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Thanks everyone. I’ve posted about my DD’s diet and it narrowing down here before. DH and I are trying the neutral approach and division of responsibility for a bit before we decide whether to seek further advice.


For background, she will eat plenty of what she likes but it’s very limited. Vegemite or peanut butter sandwiches, milk, yoghurt (only two flavours of one brand), chicken nuggets, ham, chips (only shoestring), pork sausages (only oven cooked, not from bbq), apples, grapes, blueberries, cheese. Sometimes a bit of carrot or corn. The one saving grace is she’ll eat my bolognese sauce with grated veggies in. Oh, and sometimes eggs but mostly just the toast they come with.


I worry she’s not getting enough iron in particular. She will of course eat ice cream, chocolate, biscuits etc, sigh.


I try to involve her in food prep and her grandparents grow veggies with her but that doesn’t extend to eating unfortunately.


I honestly feel that if she has enough of the things she likes she just doesn’t see the need to eat anything else. She’ll happily go without lunch at daycare and then have a hangry meltdown when I pick her up.

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Fruitmincepies

Look, that list of foods sounds amazing to me. My 3yo DS eats no meat (has never let any enter his mouth ever), no vegetables and no fruit. He eats bread (one brand), vegemite, peanut butter, butter, vanilla yoghurt (one brand), a variety of crackers and biscuits, chocolate cake, Cheerios, milo, and occasionally cheese.


I make zucchini chocolate cake, and brownies full of almond meal and eggs. He gets fibre and iron from the bread (whole meal with chia).


I keep offering a variety of foods and so far it’s made no difference. 6yo DD has always been a restricted eater (but likes raw fruit and veg, so it’s less of an issue), but I look at what she eats now compared to what she ate at 3yo and she has certainly broadened her food list.


With the range of foods your DD is eating I would just keep plugging away at what you are doing.

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Guest BusbyWilkes

Milo is great for iron (though obviously not super healthy). If she likes milk, ice cream and chocolate, Milo might be accepted. Try it in different ways - hot, cold, sprinkled on ice cream, blended/mashed through ice cream, eaten straight from a spoon.


With your update re the foods she does eat, it seems a much wider list than some 3 year olds. That doesn’t mean don’t continue to try to broaden the range. I wonder if a 1 session consult with a dietician would be useful - not to come up with strategies, just to analyse what she does eat and where (if any) the nutritional gaps are.

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The list of food she eats is fairly good, I’d keep doing whatever it is your doing.


Having said that I found the division of responsibilities approach absolutely unhelpful, my kids actually reduced the foods they ate using it it was a much smaller list to start with then yours. I’m waiting for the phase to pass before I seek another dietician appointment

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I think that sounds pretty good for iron, doesn’t it? Is there anything in her behaviour that makes you think she’s not getting enough?


You could try some baked meatballs since she likes sausages. Easy to hide veg in there too.

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I have no idea what 'division of responsibility' is with regards to food so we provide variety and he eats what he likes, same as I feel I do as an adult, your list seems fine to me

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Her safe foods are pretty good for a 3 year old. Forget my suggestion of SOS/Fussy Eaters, you'd be wasting your money when she already eats the variety of food that she does.


Hopefully as she gets a little older she will broaden her range again and perhaps you can speak to childcare about an alternative for her if she doesn't eat anything at lunch time, for example one of her yoghurts and some fruit that you could leave in their fridge,

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You could pack a basic cheese sandwich or a box of blueberries for her to have the moment she gets in the car after daycare if that’s the real pain point. I don’t really like eating in the car but sometimes it’s the lesser of the hangry evils!

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My kid ate no meat or meat substitutes for 2+ years and is still doing well. She’s restarted eating a number of meats recently.


OP your child sounds like they have a good number of foods to me. I would not be concerned unless there is another serious indicator of concern (lethargy, illness, behavior issues).


One of my biggest regrets is how stressed I was about food with my eldest. If I knew then what I know now and how it would all turn out I could have saved myself a lot of heartache, stress and frustration. From one mum to another, you sound like you’re doing GREAT.

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I agree with the above posters OP. That seems like a really good list of foods. I would just keep feeding those with some extras presented with no pressure.


Division of responsibility doesn't work here, having non "safe" foods on the plate causes so much stress that DD further restricts her eating. But we are battling other issues too.


Honestly, if she eats peanut butter, pork, ham, chicken and Bolognese her iron is probably fine, so long as there are no absorption issues. We need to supplement iron for DD but her total meat intake over 5 years is probably less than 1 sausage worth, sigh.


You could boost eggs through baking as per fruitmincepies above, lots of good nutrition and some iron.

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Thanks everyone! I don’t have anything to compare it to so her foods seem very limited to me. I appreciate the advice that they may not be too bad after all.


Gosh it’s tough, isn’t it?

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Her food list is short, but, it covers a lot of food groups! So that’s a saving grace. And there are several textures in there. So I think if you persevere with the division of responsibility thing, that it may work.


Have you tried expanding with similar things? So from chicken nuggets try to introduce “giant chicken nuggets” (store bought chicken tenders or schnitzels) instead of ham try salami or chicken loaf. Instead of peanut butter try biscuit spread. Under ripe pears taste a bit like apples. Etc etc. Make a subtle change to a different food.

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