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Returning from personal leave


BornToLove

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I have taken last week off after a number of issues boiled over (lockdown 3.0 didn’t help and mentally I just needed a break). Some issues are work related, but that’s not the point of my post.


What do I say to people when they ask about my leave. It was very unplanned and left some teams I work with hanging. The people who need to know about the work related issues are in the loop and support is being actioned.


I’m more wondering about those small talk questions on what I got up to last week. What do I say? It was not ‘enjoyable’ or ‘relaxing’ time off. I didn’t do anything productive other than weight up the pros and cons of leaving my job now or after I have a new one lined up. Ugh, I don’t even have a clearer idea on that. 😞

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“Just needed some time at home for a few things, how was your weekend?”

Or ‘sorry I know I left you guys hanging just had some personal stuff I needed to address. - have you been up to anything exciting lately/how are your kids settling into school this year/how’s that hobby of yours going etc’


I’m not very good at social stuff - too honest - so it’s taken me a while to work out the formula for deflecting but I’m pretty sure it’s a one sentence reply that gives nothing away then question back to the person to change the subject.

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Last year at my old job I took a fairly last minute week off on stress leave. I didn't want to share the reason with anyone so just said that I had something medical to attend to and didn't go into it further.


Everyone assumed I was having a gynaecological procedure of some sort! When people asked how I was when I got back I just replied "all sorted" or "fine thank you" and noone pressed further.

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If it was for mental health, I view it the same as physical sickness 'wasn't feeling great last week, but much better now' 'a week resting was just what the doctor prescribed (if i want to sound like my mum!)' 'Feeling awful, could barely get out of bed but much better now'.

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Those vague suggestions seems solid - A few things came up suddenly and I was able to take some time away from the office. I'm all for demystifying mental health issues, but I would want to protect my privacy to some extend.


I am really sorry you are having such a difficult time BorntoLove. The workplace can be so difficult. I'm spending my Saturdays applying for new roles. It's hard to know how to transition out in this competitive job market.


I hope your management is helping you with implementing strategies so you can complete "good enough" work or delegate some of it. I need to self isolate for a range of family medical issues, and that leads to spending way too much time ruminating on work and work issues. I plan virtual coffees with friends a few times a week and keep my work hours in check.

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Thanks all. I will work with DH to come up with some one liners that help deflect to other topics.


Thank you [mention]verucasalt[/mention] for your kind words. It’s such a difficult time to be looking for work.


The job market is very competitive and I lack a key certification that would help me stand out. I have heard back from some applications, but it’s almost a step down from what I have now (same work, much smaller scale). Management and HR are taking the issue seriously (to the point of reassigning my role to another manager), but I’m not sure how it will all pan out you know.

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I like the PP suggestion.

Also "I had some urgent family issues to sort. It wasn't a holiday." And move on..


If anyone wants to dig further respond with "I'm not going into it."

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You know your workplace better than us but looking at it from the other side when someone returns from leave I may ask 'was it an ok break' or something like that and would move on and no offence to anyone I work with i usually enough work to get on with without wanting to know full details of what they did.


If I knew they were off for a wedding or amazing round the world trip sure I want to know more but we would all know this was going to be happening beforehand.


So maybe they won't be that interested? I mean that in a factual not a rude way

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All of the above suggestions are perfect. If people know that it's personal leave, aka sick leave, they are unlikely to ask questions like "did you have a fantastic holiday?"

I wouldn't go with the "few things to do around the house" line though - if people were left hanging at work they'd be pissed off (or I would anyway) if you made it sound like you took last minute holiday leave to potter round at home.


"I had a last minute health/medical/family issue" is all you need to say. Makes it clear you didn't ditch work for a last minute holiday, plus no one will press you further for details.

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In my experience having to take late minute sick leave for IVF, most people were asking because they were genuinely worried and wanted to help.


So I used to start with: thanks for asking, I'm ok now, but had to "sort something urgent out/important appointment/minor but serious medical needs". That usually covered it

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I'd probably just say I was on sick leave, which you were. For me at least, I don't find people do much digging when it comes to sick leave other than saying things like "nothing too serious I hope" and "all better now?" to which I'd respond "nah all good now thanks" and "yes thanks" respectively.

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Thanks everyone for your help. I was able to use a line of ‘everything is good, just need to catch up on what I missed so if there is anything urgent please flag it’.


My manger is a bit of an asshat though. We had a seperate catch up and he kept associating my time off as ‘enjoyable’. I finally got blunt and said that a week’s worth of mental health days isn’t particularly enjoyable so please don’t bring up my leave. Ugh 😔

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Oh Borntolove, I am sorry everything has just been a bit much, it's overwhelming at times when everything gets on top of you.

Just say I had some personal matters to deal with... let's just leave it at that.

I took flexible arrangements for my mum, and some people noticed, others did not. Usually when something became urgent, or had taken a few days longer, it was noticed. And that was my response to many of them, and some got the whole story (friends).

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