Jump to content
IGNORED

Falling out between colleagues


WaitForMe

Recommended Posts

Just wondering if anyone has experience of dealing with something like this, whether as a line manager or as the employee.


I have two employees who had a big argument, raised voices, witnessed by someone else who said it was pretty bad.


They are now barely on speaking terms. They are meant to work closely together. I've spoken to them both individually and asked for what happened and have an understanding. I've asked them each if we can meet together to discuss and one of them said they'd just put the phone on mute and didn't want to talk (still working remotely), the other practically begged me not to go through with it.


I'm not sure how to resolve it without talking through the problem. I can't see how I can move them onto different work.


I don't want to go into too much detail but there isn't one clear problem person or person at fault, both of them could've behaved or handled things better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 13
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • WaitForMe

    2

  • RynandStompy

    1

  • AweAndWonder

    1

  • MB530

    1

Top Posters In This Topic

acidulous osprey

It sounds awful but surely they cannot refuse to attempt to resolve it? It's a job where they have to work together and separating them like toddlers is not an option.


I am seriously side eying the employee who said she would put her phone on mute. That's not how adults adult.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whatever happened they need to put their feelings aside & do the job. Unless it’s something serious like bullying etc which would be a HR issue. Sure it’s awkward for them, but that’s not really your problem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

RynandStompy

If you are the manager of both, you're not meant to asking them to behave professionally. You're meant to be outlining the expectations and telling them both they have to meet them. I assume they have to communicate with each other so that work is done?

If both or one choose not to, due to personal issues, then unfortunately it's performance managing time. Because otherwise you'd be role modelling to them and other employees that you won't boundary childish unprofessional behaviour. If that occurs, it'll get worse and not better.


Caveat would be IF one was being bullied or harrassed by the other. Or if one was breaking company policies and the other was arguing with them about it but not wanting to dob.

If you know why and it's either of these you need to manage that by managing the offender according to employment rules (warning, or exit depending on offence). And telling the other they're supported but providing coaching/eap on how to react in future (depending what it was obvs).


Also look up and be clear on retaliation policies and protections in your business or industry.


Actually I thought of another reason why one couldn't realistically work with another..if one was having an affair with the othets partner. Something similar happened to my DH's mum a long time ago, where she found out one of her own employees was having an affair with Mil's own husband. She wasn't able to work with her anymore, and the employee ended up quitting anyway. That's an extreme example though, more for small towns etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was also wondering about a possible partner/affair type situation as they were both so against any attempt to discuss the situation together with you and each other.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nope no affairs. I don't feel that there is any bullying either but I can't completely rule it out. Potentially could be a cultural element to it.


Hopefully HR can help...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it’s probably important to clarify they don’t need to be friends.


They do need to get their job done though, professionally.


What that looks like is your job to outline to each person 1:1.


Give it a little time to blow over if you can. A group meeting sounds like my idea of hell so I wouldn’t be advocating for that at this stage.


I’d expect one or both are probably already looking for a new job.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

AweAndWonder

Nope no affairs. I don't feel that there is any bullying either but I can't completely rule it out. Potentially could be a cultural element to it.


Hopefully HR can help...

 


I would definitely involve HR. Perhaps mediation or a professionally facilitated discussion might be appropriate approaches.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

IamtheMumma

Glad you're contacting HR. My suggestion would be to performance manage both of them if they aren't prepared to act professionally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Seayork2002

Glad you're contacting HR. My suggestion would be to performance manage both of them if they aren't prepared to act professionally.

 

This, if there is bullying or other legitimate things that need to be addressed that is one thing, otherwise it is personal and should be performance reviewed.


I am sure we all have had colleagues we find hard to get along with but we don't need to be BFF's with them but work has to be done

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would just focus on the work stuff and let them know what you expect and that you are worried it will impact on their work communication/performance which is why you were trying to get to the bottom of it.


It does depend too what the conflict was around. Was it around something at work, or something in their personal lives? And if there is an element related to culture, definitely get HR involved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
Villamonarosa

Warning - long read ahead!


I have been in this exact situation, except I was the one who blew up. My supervisor had been ignoring me for weeks (as in not even acknowledging me in the mornings when I'd said hello). The only time she would speak to me was if I went to her, and then only in front of other colleagues. If I asked her something when it was just the two of us, I was ignored. She was also trying to cause issues between our other team mate (who I worked alongside, and was quite friendly with).


I lost it when she refused to approve Christmas leave for me, as it would have been two years in a row that she had done that. Our manager tried hard to calm us both down, especially when my supervisor threatened to hit me.


We had mediation, our manager told us her expectations and that if it happened again, we would receive a formal warning and performance managing. I told her she wouldn't need to worry about that, as if it happened again I was walking.


Six months later, sick of my supervisor's quiet but consistent gaslighting and bullying, I quit. Manager and HR were both aware of the situation and did absolutely nothing to help me. Supervisor is still there, causing the exact same issues with another colleague in the team.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[mention]Villamonarosa[/mention] I could have written your post word for word, except that in my case I went on sick leave, lodged a workcover claim for bullying and harassment and was ultimately successful.


I’m now in a different department of my large workplace and the two supervisors who bullied me are having troubles of their own as apparently being asked to actually do the job that they’re paid to do is a bit much, after years of skiving and pushing work onto their juniors....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mum had an untenable workplace situation years back. They were trying to push her out of her admin position and actually openly said to her " we need someone much younger and thin and attractive as the first face customers see". Mum was upset and I was ropeable and encouraged her to go out on stress leave. She did, and she was successful and they had to pay her out a large sum of money. Then she went off to Europe and sent them a postcard lol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Advertisement

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...