question for those who parents with dementia

Sorry if this is hard topic but I am worried about my mum. What were the early signs that something is wrong with them? I'm concerned about some things with my mum. This morning she forgot that her pup destroyed her glasses yesterday. Over Christmas she couldn't remember her best friend's name for over half an hour when she had just spoken to her. She also has no recollection of telling me that my aunt in NSW is dying. She also forgot what day DS birthday is - hence my parents are coming today when his birthday was a couple of days ago - when she spoke to me an hour ago while they are on their way, she kept telling me DS & I were wrong about his birth date.

If it was just one or two of these in isolation I probably wouldn't be so worried but the little things seem to be adding up in my mind.

How old is your mum? My understanding is dementia is memory loss that’s worse than aged-matched peers, and interferes with normal functioning.

But your mum sounds worse than usual aging. Does she live with anyone? Have they noticed any changes?

How old is your mum? My understanding is dementia is memory loss that’s worse than aged-matched peers, and interferes with normal functioning.

But your mum sounds worse than usual aging. Does she live with anyone? Have they noticed any changes?

She is 73. She lives with my dad(75). He was just saying on the phone yesterday that he isn't sure what is going on with her lately but couldn't articulate more than that

Sounds to me like the beginnings of dementia. My mum started forgetting where she put things, was having difficulty signing her name, would randomly throw out forks in the bin and then accuse people of stealing her cutlery, and forget names. Hope this helps. If you need to ask anything else dm me it’s fine.

People who live with the person seem to get used to their 'funny little ways' until more obvious issues arise, and if they are getting older themselves, find it difficult to confront the reality of what might be happening. Is that possible with your Dad?

The denial is a worry, because it's what makes someone adamant that it's the rest of the world that has a problem, not them.

Do you think it will be easy enough to talk to your Dad about it? If he's agreeable, you could call her doctor, who of course won't be able to discuss her with you, but they will be able to listen to your concerns and take them on board when they next see them, and perhaps do a bit of their own surreptitious questioning.

There's some easy online questionaires similar to what GPs use. They have some basic general knowledge questions mixed with ones that ask to remember 4 colours, then 4 or so questions later, they then ask, can you remember those 4 colours now?

The next stop would be the GP to check for any hidden health issues that might be affecting her. Also get them to check any medications she might be on and if they might be interacting with any others, including any supplements she might be taking.

I would then be going over things she is starting to find difficult and that can cause issues. Things like taking meds ( is she forgetting, or taking multiple doses), and trying to find easy solutions ( writing a list for the shopping, a whiteboard calendar to mark off med taking etc).

She will be resistant to admitting that her memory could be failing and sometimes it needs to be a doctor telling them.

I have had 2 grandmothers go through this, one I lived with for 2 years. When they start hiding things and getting paranoid, is when you know it's going downhill.

Early intervention however is better than just ignoring it.

Actually the medication thing [mention]Kiwi Bicycle[/mention] mentions is quite important, if they're taking medication that's important to take regularly. My mother was taking very high doses of blood pressure medication, and only taking it one day in four. Took a bit of sleuthing with the prescriptions written and the chemists records. Then she told me she 'might be going to another chemist', which was 100% impossible. Not taking it at all would have been safer for a 98 year old living alone.

There are also conditions that can be helped with medication, but she does need to be assessed first. Some of the types of dementia show themselves with specific characteristics: for some it's gait, others language etc.

Hopefully you can enlist your dad to help establish some of these things.

I have been told it is very important to not assume dementia. Symptoms of Delirium can be very similar.

You can't 'assume' dementia although it certainly sounds like it.

But you do know that this is very different from normal behaviour and needs to be checked out.

My MIL was suffering for years but was generally vague so we were able to brush it off.

Interestingly we, who only saw her a couple of times a year became concerned far earlier than relations who lived close.

Best of luck, it is a horrible thing to go through

Both my grandparents had dementia in their later years & those were the sorts of things they both did. Close to the end, my grandfather thought I was my mum & my grandmother didn’t even have a clue she had 3 children.

But funny enough, being dehydrated or having a UTI significantly increased the severity of their symptoms.

Both my grandparents had dementia in their later years & those were the sorts of things they both did. Close to the end, my grandfather thought I was my mum & my grandmother didn’t even have a clue she had 3 children.

But funny enough, being dehydrated or having a UTI significantly increased the severity of their symptoms.

So true - many other medical issues can interfere. My mother picked up (still not total clarity) after her cataracts were fixed and her heart issues addressed also.

I should add, my dad has also been diagnosed with dementia, but having previously suffered 2 severe head injuries his symptoms were a lot more subtle - it was when he started forgetting things he previously never forgot (like his coping mechanisms of pen & notebook) that his dr actually investigated things.

that's interesting those who have had another illness that has affected them. My mum does have heart problems & regularly gets UTIs, although my dad has given up trying to tell her she needs to go to her dr she also has dry socket from having a tooth removed that is maybe a problem. Hopefully that also explains her actions over the last few days.

The first thing they do in aged care when a person starts behaving a little differently is test for a UTI. Apparently it can be symptom-less in them, but causes significant behaviour and cognitive deterioration.

It does sound concerning and that it needs further investigation by a doctor. It could be the beginnings of dementia or like BAG said, UTI’s can also cause some brain fog.

My mother had dementia, she passed away in April last year after roughly 18 months of rapidly deterioration. She was 73.

One of the first clues was she would forget how to drive places that she had been to many many times and also forget the names of everyday items. We all noticed little things, but my dad noticed the most from living with her.

Depending on the type of dementia, if it is that, medication can help slow the progress, but other variations like my mum had, there was nothing that could be done.

It is a cruel and horrible disease, more so for the family and friends, to watch your loved one decline to not be able to do anything for themselves.

OP this is a great website, you can do down quite a few rabbit holes on here finding out about the different types of dementia, and how they are likely to present.

https://www.dementia.org.au/

Especially this page:

https://www.dementia.org.au/information/about-dementia/types-of-dementia

thanks for the experiences & the links. She did some other concerning stuff around DS's birthday. I have spoken to my brother (who she is likely to listen to) and he is going to go visit & suss it out more

In some cases, the trigger for dementia can be a stroke, and sometimes it's a silent one. If you know who her GP is, perhaps (as a PP suggested) speaking with them to mention your concerns would be helpful and there are a number of simple tests they can d0 in the office to to start (memory recall, cognitive awareness – date, world events etc.).