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Friend destroyed an expensive item


Givingitanothergo

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Givingitanothergo

I lent a pair of expensive jimmy choos to a close girlfriend for Melbourne cup this year. I asked if they were ok and she was vague etc and said they needed a small repair. Come last week I was at her place and she showed me and one shoe is completely torn and destroyed. I realise I took a risk lending them but they cost in excess of $2k and she has offered nothing. I thought it would be fair she offered some form of compensation for ruining them..


She doesn’t want to give them back as she is insisting she can get them repaired. What do I do?


I certainly don’t expect the full cost of the shoes

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Givingitanothergo

She said the repair was quoted at $80 but hasn’t done it yet.. they are pure silk and if the repair was so cheap why isn’t it done yet


Edited to add Melbourne cup was nearly two months ago and she’s done nothing about it

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Can you tell a fib and say you’re planning on wearing the shoes for an event on x date so can she make sure they’re repaired and back to you by then?

That way she either has to follow through on her promise to get them repaired (presumably she’s hoping you either forget about it or tell her not to worry??) or else she will have to come clean and admit she can’t get them fixed?

Unfortunately, I suspect LF might be right about how this will end regardless...

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Let it go, I say.


$2000 on shoes is well beyond most people’s budget, so I doubt she can afford to repay even half the cost.

If you can’t afford/don’t want to lose the shoes, you shouldn’t have loaned them in the first place. If you can afford to lose them, then who cares, it’s not worth losing a friendship over.


(Also, where did she wear them? The Melbourne cup didn’t even have spectators 🤨)

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Its a tricky one OP. Good shoe repairers are highly skilled and can sometimes fix things but in your post you say the shoe is destroyed.


I would probably ask her what she proposes to do about the shoes - maybe something like "I know it was unintentional but unfortunately it looks like the shoes are ruined. What are your thoughts? What do you propose is the solution?"


I don't want to sound like a know it all PITA but there is sadly a lot of truth in the old saying from Shakespeare.


Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

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Givingitanothergo

I understand it’s a lot of money on shoes.. not something I could ever afford now. Bought by my ex husband years ago. So the assumption that if I could afford them I could afford to lose them is a bit unfair. I understand the risk in lending things. I guess lesson learnt the hard way

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So sorry that this happened. It’s very upsetting when things like this happen.


I’d ask for the shoes back and say give me the $80 and I’ll take it in for repair. Then I’d take it to the shoe repair that Jimmy Choo store recommends. Sadly I think it’s a write off.


Personally I only lend something out if I can afford to write it off due to mishap or people not returning things.


I’d never borrow shoes from a friend for Melb cup. I’d be too stressed about something happening as the probability of damage is high - grass stains, mud, drinks being spilt on your shoes. Getting scuffed by people standing on you. Very poor form on your friend’s part. She should have told you ages ago and asked you how you wanted it handled - her shoe person or yours? And of course to pay for the repair.

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It is a lesson learnt the hard way for you OP but it's not all your fault. IMO it should be a hard lesson learnt for your friend as well. As in unless it's some sort of emergency don't borrow things you can't afford to replace. Shoes are definitely an item that can get damaged and $2000 silk shoes sound like a disaster waiting to happen.


She is possibly feeling embarrassed about it but she has had enough time to act like an adult and address the situation. Maybe a sincere apology with a little bunch of flowers and a giftcard for some money towards some new shoes.

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Oh boy, I cannot believe your friend asked to borrow something fragile that she could not afford to replace if broken. Given that you are possibly prepared to lose a friendship over it, might it be worth explaining to her how you are feeling? I have a really hard time of it telling people when they have upset me or let me down, so I get it if you don't want to. But maybe someone here on Everybump can come up with some wording for you?

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I'm sorry, what a shame about your shoes, I'm sure they were lovely.


I would take the shoes back and get them repaired yourself (if you want to), as she may get a cheap repair that doesn't really fix things, or doesn't look good (although I'm getting the impression that she doesn't really want to deal with the problem and is hoping you'll forget about it.)


Ideally, she should pay for the repair, but she may not be able to afford to. Expensive lesson learned, unfortunately, never lend her anything again. And a lesson for her, don't borrow anything you can't afford to replace or repair adequately.


As to whether or not this may end a friendship, well, that's a tricky one. She hasn't behaved very honourably, but she is probably very embarrassed about the whole thing. If she is a good friend in other respects, I would let it slide, personally. Just my two cents.

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Oh boy, I cannot believe your friend asked to borrow something fragile that she could not afford to replace if broken. Given that you are possibly prepared to lose a friendship over it, might it be worth explaining to her how you are feeling? I have a really hard time of it telling people when they have upset me or let me down, so I get it if you don't want to. But maybe someone here on Everybump can come up with some wording for you?

 

We don't know if she asked to borrow. The info given was that 'she lent ....'


I've learnt my lesson about something that was definitely asked to be borrowed. It was very special to me, and lent to someone in a very stressful period after being asked (for a generic version). They left it on the train, and didn't tell me until a few months later when I really did need it myself. They couldn't recollect the week, just a vague idea, which didn't help the 'lost property office' who now apparently work on which train the item was left.


I should have given the most basic one we had, instead of the best.


OP if it's a close friend, take the shoes back, get a quote for getting them fixed (you don't want a dodgy job) and then perhaps suggest dinner's on her next time you're out.

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Did she ask to borrow them, or did you offer them up first? Was she aware of how much they cost originally?


Given they were bought many years ago, they aren't really $2,000 shoes and they probably fell apart because they are old and fragile.

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Was she apologetic at least?


If she can repair it then let her but tell her you want it back within 1 month.

 

Let it go, I say.


$2000 on shoes is well beyond most people’s budget, so I doubt she can afford to repay even half the cost.

If you can’t afford/don’t want to lose the shoes, you shouldn’t have loaned them in the first place. If you can afford to lose them, then who cares, it’s not worth losing a friendship over.


(Also, where did she wear them? The Melbourne cup didn’t even have spectators 🤨)

 

I disagree that it’s not worth losing a friendship over. I can afford to lose a $2k pair of shoes but if any of my friends were to ever destroy something I have lent them without trying to fix it or show any remorse about destroying it then I would write off both the item and them as a friend.


What type of friend borrows something, destroy it, and don’t commit to repairing or compensating for it? Not a friend I’d ever keep.

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Givingitanothergo

Did she ask to borrow them, or did you offer them up first? Was she aware of how much they cost originally?


Given they were bought many years ago, they aren't really $2,000 shoes and they probably fell apart because they are old and fragile.

 

Yeah no sorry.: it’s like buying a LV bag or similar. They are lifetime items that have a lifetime guarantee due to their workmanship and quality. Implying they fell apart is just insulting and ignorant. Items like this come with a lifetime guarantee

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Oh boy, I cannot believe your friend asked to borrow something fragile that she could not afford to replace if broken. Given that you are possibly prepared to lose a friendship over it, might it be worth explaining to her how you are feeling? I have a really hard time of it telling people when they have upset me or let me down, so I get it if you don't want to. But maybe someone here on Everybump can come up with some wording for you?

 

We don't know if she asked to borrow. The info given was that 'she lent ....'


I've learnt my lesson about something that was definitely asked to be borrowed. It was very special to me, and lent to someone in a very stressful period after being asked (for a generic version). They left it on the train, and didn't tell me until a few months later when I really did need it myself. They couldn't recollect the week, just a vague idea, which didn't help the 'lost property office' who now apparently work on which train the item was left.


I should have given the most basic one we had, instead of the best.


OP if it's a close friend, take the shoes back, get a quote for getting them fixed (you don't want a dodgy job) and then perhaps suggest dinner's on her next time you're out.

Fair enough. if the shoes were offered, I have a completely different take. I only lend what I can afford to lose. This has included a car that came back to me damaged. I knew the person borrowing it could not afford the excess and never asked for it.

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Yeah no sorry.: it’s like buying a LV bag or similar. They are lifetime items that have a lifetime guarantee due to their workmanship and quality. Implying they fell apart is just insulting and ignorant. Items like this come with a lifetime guarantee

 

Both brands only have a 2 year guarantee that only covers manufacturing faults.

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That really sucks.

I had a friend damage my car and refuse to pay for it.

My parents felt sorry for me and agreed to pay for it if I babysat on NYE.

She didn't even stay home with me :(

Am I still bitter about something that happened 20 years ago... Maybe 😂

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Givingitanothergo

Both brands only have a 2 year guarantee that only covers manufacturing faults.

 

Thanks on fire. I understand i need to take responsibility for part of it. But trying to act like I deserve it is some a new form of low.

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Thanks on fire. I understand i need to take responsibility for part of it. But trying to act like I deserve it is some a new form of low.

 

Where did I say that? I was merely pointing out that items do depreciate over time due to age, and perhaps that's why they fell apart? Silk is so delicate.

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Did she ask to borrow them, or did you offer them up first? Was she aware of how much they cost originally?


Given they were bought many years ago, they aren't really $2,000 shoes and they probably fell apart because they are old and fragile.

 

The shoes cost $2000 to buy originally and would probably cost more than $2000 for a replacement pair. The OP realises they are not new and in her OP she says that she did not expect her friend to pay the full cost.

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