Poll: Does pornography have a place in a healthy relationship?

This is very true. There are sites where men leave reviews of the sex workers they've seen - I won't link them - and they are the most soul-destroying sites I think I've ever seen. Men who are clearly aware that some of these women are unwilling, in pain, or likely trafficked and take great pleasure in that. Or are outraged that the woman they're paying for sex appeared to just want to get it over with and punish her as a result.

Germaine Greer comes to mind: "Women have very little idea how much men hate them."

Never been to these, but I've seen reporting on them (and frankly kinda wish I hadn't). They're exactly what I've been thinking of throughout this thread.

Also, I've met several women who were most definitely not the receptionist. I have no reason to assume the woman I worked with was lying.

Also also, I'm vaguely amused that certain persons on this thread have automatically assumed that people would be against the model of regulation that is most helpful to the women involved. You really think some of us hate women don't you?

There’s a receptionist job for an escort agency going on Seek now

Where abouts? If I didn't just get a job I would apply.

There’s a receptionist job for an escort agency going on Seek now

 

Where abouts? If I didn't just get a job I would apply.

Pyrmont in Sydney

Wow. What a thread to walk in on! Are things usually so hostile here? I was told at bubhub to try this forum, but yikes!

 

 

Curious - for what reason where you told to try this forum?

 

For somewhere to talk. I was told it’s a great community. I was an EB member years ago when my older kids were babies and now I’m expecting again and went looking for Essential Baby and eventually found the new you!

Thats cool.

But curious why on bubhub you were told to come here vs there?

I assume because they were an old EB member.

I'm sure there is a lot of complexity that I haven't thought through, but my opinion is that porn doesn't have a place in a healthy society. Here I am referring to the plethora of internet porn now available. I don't have much of an issue with the old style Playboy magazine type porn.

I think porn creates and normalises the view that women are objects to be used for male pleasure. Even in the cases where the women have consented to be in the porn, the viewers of the porn see them as objects. I think this then affects the way they treat women in real life - expecting the women to do whatever they want, not caring about what the woman wants ...

If you read a lot of the articles currently going around about the Sydney private boys schools at the moment, I think the boys treatment of the girls has been hugely influenced by internet porn. I moved in these circles 30 years ago and whilst there was the odd issue, there was never anything like there is now. The only thing that I can see that has changed is the access these boys have to porn and the normalisation of treating the girls as objects for their own pleasure.

I'd agree, except it was a lot worse for us before there was much porn. We were owned.

Porn is part of the backlash against the loss of actual power.

One of my favourite song lyrics in the last few years:

All the women

That you wanna f**k

On the internet

Wouldn't give you a second look

Did you fool yourself?

That's privilege

That's power without power

That's a business

(I get overwhelmed by Dark Rooms)

Well,this didn't happen when I was young because the internet didn't exist.No mobile phones and cameras to upload from.

Huge difference in access to porn for teenagers and the type of porn as well.

WARNING!!! Unpleasant content.

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/school-life/sexual-assaults-and-rape-in-australian-schools-chilling-story-shows-dark-problem-with-porn/news-story/b3fbd23c5b49c2a1756e3ad53483bc6f#.r1h6s

Yes. I really don’t know why under 16s are given so much unfettered internet access.

We can control what happens at home but not what happens elsewhere. Our children spend many hours away from us in their teenage years.

Friends and peers are a major part of their lives.

Since it's a given that most teens will see porn at some point, there should be programs to explain that porn and real life sex are very different things. Of course there'd be enormous backlash about such a program in schools because so many kids "would never access porn". We need to get real about teaching our kids some important facts. Just as they now talk about consent at school but didn't when I was a teen, the should be addressing porn.

To answer the original question, in my relationships I don't think it would be a healthy relationship if there was p0rn use, largely because I find the whole industry and idea of it off putting as a personal thing. I don't think a relationship where my partner knew my feelings and watched it anyway could, by definition, be healthy.

As for the industry in general, I don't have anything against SWs, I don't assume they're dirty or wrong or empowered or abused necessarily, there are too many different situations to make any assumptions. I would prefer it didn't exist if I were truly honest, I mean I enjoy sex but I wouldn't risk SW because too many men are dogs. That's not to say that it's wrong for someone else to decide differently, but I do think it's an inherently dangerous industry by nature of the world we live in. Maybe in a non capitalist non patriarchal world SW would be less dangerous, but, by the same token, I imagine there would be much less demand for it too. I've doggedly avoided p0rn, when it started being shared around at school (probably the first generation to have mobiles at school) I didn't want to see because of what was going on at home. Haven't seen much positive about it since.

Discussing the porn industry is a great way to talk about consent since the porn industry as a whole has a major problem with that. The problem is that there are so many adults who'd rather call other people names than acknowledge the complexity of the issues involved.

I have done some minor editing, please refrain from using the term TERF (and similar) as per our rules. Thank you.

We can control what happens at home but not what happens elsewhere. Our children spend many hours away from us in their teenage years.

Friends and peers are a major part of their lives.

Yes, I was thinking that if all parents actually monitored their children's internet use and limited their smart phones internet access, the world would be a better place.

Porn is certainly not going to go away, but it would be great if there were an under 18's version of the internet.

They definitely do need to have a consent element of sex ed, because parents seem to fail there too. And always have. When I was growing up, if you 'led a guy on' it was your fault, not his, if he went too far. Some things never change.

(I mean, just have a look at some of the comments about Brittany Higgins. That is actually the long term attitude of the Western World at least, and probably many other worlds, given that women come second in almost all of them)

I don't see why not.

Before ds2 was born, we would watch it together, some of it was truly funny other stuff we learnt from which made us try different things.

df would often get more aroused watching how aroused the people in the videos were, which in the end for us made for even better sex.

I agree it can have a negative effect on a relationship if only one person is using it. For me, it's best enjoyed together.

On 26/02/2021 at 7:49 AM, pelagic said:

 

Yes, I was thinking that if all parents actually monitored their children's internet use and limited their smart phones internet access, the world would be a better place.

 

I'm surprised at how few parents actually do this. I'm not strict, but when it comes to things like internet access, screen time etc I'm "accused" of being strict by my kids. Their phones and Ipads are very limited and they don't have apps like tiktok. I just don't understand the rationale behind giving a teenager an internet device and expecting them to have the maturity and discipline to self police what they do and don't access. 

22 minutes ago, Dadto2 said:

I'm surprised at how few parents actually do this. I'm not strict, but when it comes to things like internet access, screen time etc I'm "accused" of being strict by my kids. Their phones and Ipads are very limited and they don't have apps like tiktok. I just don't understand the rationale behind giving a teenager an internet device and expecting them to have the maturity and discipline to self police what they do and don't access. 

I think it's like taking them to a seedy nightclub and leaving them there alone. 

4 minutes ago, pelagic said:

I think it's like taking them to a seedy nightclub and leaving them there alone. 

haha I like that analogy. Perhaps more parents need to get on snapchat, tiktok etc I went to check out titok, my 13 year old was nagging me for it. The video on the front page was of Afghan people falling to their deaths from US planes that they had clambered on. It's not just kids dancing in the kitchen.

d