Women do more around the home

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nom_de_plume
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#1

I thought of EB as soon as I saw this article on The Guardian website ...

https://www.theguardian.com/business/gr ... npaid-work

So WDYT? Did 2020 change the (im)balance for you?
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Tiara
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#2

Nope, no changes in our household. Hubby's work wasn't affected by lockdown as he provided an "essential service" so continued to work throughout. My workload went up as I kept DD home most of last year so the house was a pig sty most of the year. I can imagine if hubby had stayed home then that would have just been one extra person to clean up after.
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Seayork2002
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#3

DH is working from home more so is able to do more
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Karlee99
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#4

My DH's work has not really slowed down - he is more than capable of doing more round home but that doesn't mean he does or will. I will add our kids (now teens) are great at mowing and outside stuff but also hopeless at inside stuff
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LemonMyrtle
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#5

We match those stats. We both did more due to lockdown and work from home. But I think I still do a bit more house work overall. But when DH is working long hours it evens out. (It evens out in a bad way though, we both end up working 10-12 hour days and we both get grumpy about it, but, it is even)
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JomoMum
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#6

No change in our house. DH was unaffected and still had to work onsite, and I am the SAHP. I do more based on being in the house for more hours per week.
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MintyBiscuit
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#7

If anything it got worse in our house, but that’s more about DH having some shit to sort out rather than covid. What annoys me with these surveys is they rarely take thoughtload into account. Start factoring that in and I’m willing to bet the difference would be even more pronounced
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Jane Jetson
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#8

Not really, we've always been pretty close to 50-50 and I think last year we hit equality! After he went back to work at the office (he's still working from home a couple of days a week) it made more sense, given the location of his new job, for DH to do more school dropoff and pickup, so that's a win for me. It's given me time to do things like attack Mount Washmore.

I will admit to doing a lot more of the thought load, but I'd rather do that than the washing up so I can live with it. That said, I did shunt a few chunks of it totally onto him, and now I have no idea what the kids have for school lunches and have no input into either their orthodontics (except paying the instalments) or their ADHD stuff. This is quite nice.

We also decided to revise the Jetsonistan child labour laws and now the kids have a few more jobs to do, which is excellent.
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Kadoodle
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#9

DH has been unemployed until recently. Therefore I’ve been his employer as well at dealing with remote learning. I don’t regret never wanting to work in management.
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MsLaurie
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#10

Working from home and remote learning actually evened us up a little, as he took some extra days off, going from 9 day fortnight to 4 day week, while I was doing a 3 day week. My work was super stressful and intense (related to covid) and thankfully he could truly see that my work had to take priority and mostly stepped up.
I still do 90% of the thoughtload and planning though. And 100% of the NDIS and therapies wrangling, boooooooo.
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TeaCat
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#11

I'm a SAHM, so naturally do most of the housework because I'm here more of the time. But I'm pretty sure that even if I did go back to work, I would still do just as much. DH did help out more when he was WFH. which I appreciated. He hung the washing out during his lunch break, and he was able to do the school drop off and pick up (taking the little ones with him) which gave me a few precious child-free minutes to do vacuuming or something. I don't actually mind doing housework, but it's impossible to do much with toddlers underfoot or constantly wanting me to pick them up.

I agree on the thoughtload too, though. I deal with all the kid stuff (and there's a lot of it) and also pretty sure that would not change if I worked outside the house.
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Twin2
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#12

Im not sure to be honest. DH did most of the remote learning stuff as we have additional needs kids who needed so much support and I was still going into the office early on By the time I had to work from home he had a great routine going. Having said that I did all the cooking/cleaning/zoom therapy/vet visits etc and I also would take over helping tve kids after I got home so DH could concentrate fully on work. So im not really sure as we both just stepped up and did what we had to do to get by
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Silverstreak
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#13

DH and I both worked throughout 2020, so not much change. I did homeschool for a good portion of the time though, so I did have that extra thought load (used most of my long service leave to do it.)
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Winter frost
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#14

Yes covid has changed the dynamic.

Initially it didn’t, I worked from home and then just added home learning to my list of things to do. And then 1 week turned into 19 and I stopped coping and just stopped doing things, it wasn’t a deliberate move. I just lost capacity and motivation to cook and wash and clean. And my husband would come home from work and ask what’s for dinner and I would say I hadn’t thought about it. Or our dd would cry because her Monday clothes weren’t washed and slowly my husband started doing more until suddenly, he is cooking and washing without prompting,

I am starting to pick up a few more things as I think the pendulum swung a bit far given I am not full time. But it will never go back,

It is really interesting.
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Spidey_Senses
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#15

It hasnt really changed things for us. DH is full time and I am part time so I do more cleaning, washing, cooking and school runs. But he does quite a bit when he is home. When we both worked full time it was pretty equal.
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Kiwi Bicycle
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#16

With WFH permanent, DH now cooks 90% of dinners as he's not communting anymore. However I am doing everything else as per normal as SAHP. But DH 's work is getting value for money, DH starts work somedays at 7am goes to 6pm and then continues on at 10pm to 12pm. Not every day, but quite a bit. Sometimes I have to make his lunch and give it to him mid Zoom meeting and he's back 2 back calls.
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Okelydokely
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#17

Sigh. I dunno. Topical for me at the moment.

I definitely am and probably always will be the thought load manager of the house. I am ndis case manager, home handy woman, cleaner, gardener, head chef, homework helper, and manage to hold down a part time job in a fairly stressful but nonetheless enjoyable area of health.

Dh predominantly worked from home for most of 2020, and chipped in with the odd dinner (never as an independent thought, though, always needs to be told what to cook 🙄), most of the kid pickups and drop offs, but rarely did any homeschooling with them (kinda fair enough, he was still being expected to work)

I recently offered him to swap and him go PT and me full time (I would earn more than him by a fair whack) but when i mentioned he would need to be ALL the things that I am, he suddenly wondered if it were the best option. Funny how that happened... he has recognised that his wavery mental health would probably be even worse if he worked less, but took on the thought and work load I have. Funny how I manage to do it, also with a mental illness.

Sorry, not trying to have a “woe is me” moment, just frustrating that we take on so much because someone’s gotta do it. I probably will start pushing back a bit with that, because I think he needs to pick up his socks. And I would like to earn more superannuation by going ft...

I always wonder what would happen if I had to be in hospital for a month or two... what would I come home to? Le sigh. Lucky I love and am proud of my home, I probably wouldn’t trust him to do things to my standards anyway. But it would be great if he would try..
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123tree
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#18

DH got the shock of his life during covid as I think he just thought I was grumpy. Plus they are older now.

I do more but he has picked up a lot of slack.
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Kallie
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#19

Increased my workload. Dh still onsite full time, suddenly I had the kids full time with no daycare for 6m. Not fun, still struggling with the fallout, thank god daycare is back. Dh is good when he's home and I think he'd manage fine if the roles were reversed, but he doesn't seem to know how to work 8 hour days 🙄
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Emissary
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#20

I’d like to think we have a pretty even distribution of work.

I take care of the mental workload and general life admin and a decent chunk of the cleaning. DH has been taking care of the cooking, laundry and is very hands on with DS2.

The pandemic didn’t really change anything for us.

I am in the more demanding role at the moment and he’s very understanding about it.
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The 3 Monkeys
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#21

Well we had always been pretty 50/50 when both working full time and ferrying 3 kids around. If anything I think my DH may even nudge ahead of me in terms of housework. He cooks pretty well all the time too. I am more his assistant in the kitchen haha. This has not changed in covid, we're both WFM full time at the moment. I tend to do most of the taxi service to activities, my kid to work, and multitude if medical appts. So it feels kinda even I think.
I like to think I do a lot of the emotional thought load though, which is full on as all 3 kids have mild disabilities. I also do more of the 'deep cleaning' - (yeh thats a thing haha).
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Sincerely
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#22

DH & I were both regarded as essential workers and had to go to work as usual throughout COVID (I did take some time off towards the end of the year to care for Dad in his last days but that’s another story). Domestic work has always been about 80:20 reflecting thought load (if one doesn’t think something needs doing, one is unlikely to do it, so routinely he does the mowing, half the laundry and cooks once a week). During lockdown, the kids got through their assigned schoolwork much faster than at school (so much time wasted in class), so they voluntarily took on more chores (including all the cooking & laundry). It was great (the kids loved it too). Although DH & I sometimes wished we could have worked from home, overall everything was actually easier for us during lockdown and we were a household that would have been happy to continue with school closure.
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WaitForMe
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#23

During the big vic lockdown it became pretty even, DH reduced his hours so we could balance everything. Outside of that, I work 4 days a week so theres always going to be an imbalance. I quite enjoy a 4 day week and don't plan on going to 5 days next year with both kids in school.
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Sancti-claws
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#24

Ha.

I have always done the majority - me working from home merely = me being around to also supervise the home education too, it seemed.

But oh, he bitched and griped about the loss of his alone time.

Sometimes I think that my control issues are at play but then I realise that if I don't step up there would be fallout and I don't want to witness it.
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Gracie1978
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#25

I was chatting to my neighbour and she loved it. Her husband took on 100% of the child pick up/drop off. Now he is going back into the office,it's now all fallen back on her, and she's wondering how she ever fit it in.
Apparently being able to focus on something at work and stay until 6.30 to finish it, and then come home to dinner and clean kids was a game changer for her career. Go figure...
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