Content Warning: Deathbed regrets

I come across these articles from time to time, and sit there nodding along to them, but in reality nothing really changes.

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-deathbed-regrets-you-can-avoid-by-making-changes-now/

Have we been fooled by the notion that a successful career is somehow life-improving, other than by increasing our bank balance?

Well I am not going to say 'I wish I worked more'

I have a 16 month old and work 3 days a week. Success for me on a daily basis is that we both have "full tummies and clean bums".

I have a 16 month old and work 3 days a week. Success for me on a daily basis is that we both have "full tummies and clean bums".

My definition of a successful day with both kids at home is no trips to hospital

Unlike the author, I would love to stay in my comfort zone. I'd say right now it's my life goal. I would have no regrets if I could say from now on I achieved that.

I read a book called “the Top Five Regrets of the Dying” about 8 years ago and it had a big impact on me -I devoured the book in a day and gave it to DH to read. We both made significant changes to how we lived our lives after this and the decisions we made about the work we did.

It also led me to start reading a lot more about death and life, causing me to completely revise my spiritual beliefs but that’s another story.

I read a book called “the Top Five Regrets of the Dying” about 8 years ago and it had a big impact on me -I devoured the book in a day and gave it to DH to read. We both made significant changes to how we lived our lives after this and the decisions we made about the work we did.

It also led me to start reading a lot more about death and life, causing me to completely revise my spiritual beliefs but that’s another story.

Here are the five regrets:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

I think there are many, many women who regret never having the opportunity to have a career. My own mother is one of them.

The old 'nobody dies wishing they'd worked more' is total bullshit.

But I spend a lot of time with people who are dying and loathe the suggestion there are common themes - actually people tend to die as they lived, and there's as much variety in thought and feeling as there is about everything else.