Moving and starting over?

Anyone moved away from all their family and friends with kids (primary school) in their 40s to start over? Permanent move not temporary.

How far away did you move? Did you love it? Hate it? Regretted it and moved back?

Did you make close friends again?

We did and are again moving further

We left adelaide for country SA

Now we leaving here for Ipswich in Qld

We dont hate our choice to move here, its more lack of stuff for dd to do, lack of transport for me as i dont drive. Both me and dp born and bred in SA and just so over it, it just feels stagnant

Qld has so much more to offer us all in every aspect of our lives., hobbies, entertainment, weather, work/education for dd and me

Ive never made friends in country SA, everyone is born n bred to their group, if your not married or born to a farmer, your nothing here

Im hoping to make some friends once we move

We were actually thinking Tasmania or Adelaide. Adelaide was winning because it is bigger and would have more things to do without being as big as melb or Sydney!

DH is all set to move but I am hesitant. Leaving all our family and friends. Worried about the kids having to start over. But the lifestyle is appealing.

With family we looked at it this way..

We were the only ones to ever go visit them, they never came here, to the extent we have dont 2 christmases for last few years cos we hated having to leave home at 9.30am to make lunch on christmas day

We havent even left yet and MIL is planning her breaks to Qld, FIL dreaming of the fishing he and dp will do, so it seems to make them want to come visit

Moving to country SA made us a tighter unit of 3 cos its just us here. Its easier now dd older

How kids settle into school depends on the school and the kid, dd takes it in her stride, like me as a kid, we moved a lot, always in a new school

Is a trial year an option? Like for all the faults i can list of SA its only cos ive been here whole life and we bored. It is a great family city, slower pace of life, bit cheaper, better weather than Tas,

We were actually thinking Tasmania or Adelaide. Adelaide was winning because it is bigger and would have more things to do without being as big as melb or Sydney!

DH is all set to move but I am hesitant. Leaving all our family and friends. Worried about the kids having to start over. But the lifestyle is appealing.

Flippin nora we are twins , DH and I have had that same discussion on Tasmania and Adelaide over the years and we both applied for jobs in the two places on and off, DS in year 8 so now will wait now till he finishes Y12 but we were going to when he was in primary, Sydney is tiring

Ds1 was about to start yr 5 when we moved from Adelaide to Newcastle. It’s very hard leaving family and is expensive to visit as a family, but it’s the best thing we ever did.

For us we find Adelaide so boring and sleepy so it always amuses me when people say there is so much to do there .

It depends on your relationship with each of your parents. I haven't lived near my parents, in another country, for over 10 years. I miss them dearly and Covid makes it even harder. My mum really misses being with DS. For DHs parents, distance is a good thing.

One thing about Tasmania, a family friend took his family and primary aged kids there from Sydney, to have a cheaper life.

It became a problem when the kids finished school. Not being university minded they were very lost. Eventually dad nagged the son to join the Navy ( but of course was posted elsewhere) and the daughter drifted into being a chef but working in hotel kitchens and cafes really didn't extend her plus wages being so low. She of course left for overseas. Then the weather and old age hit and they have moved to Central coast and are much happier, and not having to pay huge airfares to see familiy. I would really look hard at Tasmania and whether it would suit you in the future...

We were actually thinking Tasmania or Adelaide. Adelaide was winning because it is bigger and would have more things to do without being as big as melb or Sydney!

DH is all set to move but I am hesitant. Leaving all our family and friends. Worried about the kids having to start over. But the lifestyle is appealing.

 

Flippin nora we are twins , DH and I have had that same discussion on Tasmania and Adelaide over the years and we both applied for jobs in the two places on and off, DS in year 8 so now will wait now till he finishes Y12 but we were going to when he was in primary, Sydney is tiring

Oooohhhh let’s move to Adelaide and open our dream cafe!!!!!

We did this seven years ago, we moved an hour's drive away from my family and further away from most of DH's family. DS hadn't started school yet and it's not permanent, but it's been seven years so far and we'll probably stay here at least another three years (NRAS rental.)

We moved because we needed more space, DH wanted a double garage, I wanted a dishwasher and we both wanted a third bedroom. No regrets, except that I have a longer work commute, which I knew about from the start.

I am conscious of being the one to move, so make an effort for everybody to catch up with DS. Luckily my sibling lives between my parents and I, so we generally meet up there and one of DH's parents ended up moving closer to us anyway.

I guess in terms of family, it depends on the sort of relationship you and your kids have with extended family and how you want to facilitate that (and how they facilitate that in turn.) Sometimes the right opportunities mean moving a long distance away.

Is a trial year an option? Like for all the faults i can list of SA its only cos ive been here whole life and we bored. It is a great family city, slower pace of life, bit cheaper, better weather than Tas,

We have talked about moving over for a year or 2 first. Main thing is to not move kids once they are in high school.

I suppose I also worry about kids not having jobs in Adelaide or Tas. So much more to factor in with kids. I admit the slower, less crowded and just the smallness of the cities really appeal to us.

About to. A bit terrified. A bit excited.

We won’t be any further from my parents but obviously will be from our friends

I have, 3 times in the last 5 years. They were all supposed to be permanent moves but fell over for one reason or another. I'm now only a few hours away from family and I'm happy with that. I'm starting to make close friends. I could have a better career option if I moved to another place but its a 2 day drive from family so its a hard no.

It depends on your relationship with each of your parents. I haven't lived near my parents, in another country, for over 10 years. I miss them dearly and Covid makes it even harder. My mum really misses being with DS. For DHs parents, distance is a good thing.

One thing about Tasmania, a family friend took his family and primary aged kids there from Sydney, to have a cheaper life.

It became a problem when the kids finished school. Not being university minded they were very lost. Eventually dad nagged the son to join the Navy ( but of course was posted elsewhere) and the daughter drifted into being a chef but working in hotel kitchens and cafes really didn't extend her plus wages being so low. She of course left for overseas. Then the weather and old age hit and they have moved to Central coast and are much happier, and not having to pay huge airfares to see familiy. I would really look hard at Tasmania and whether it would suit you in the future...

This is the main reason I am leaning towards Adelaide. I am trying to think not just for now but for the next 20-30 years. Opportunities for kids and us in old age.

About to. A bit terrified. A bit excited.

We won’t be any further from my parents but obviously will be from our friends

How much further from friends will you be? What about siblings and extended family?

I am terrified of moving away from all the people

About to. A bit terrified. A bit excited.

We won’t be any further from my parents but obviously will be from our friends

 

How much further from friends will you be? What about siblings and extended family?

I am terrified of moving away from all the people

Four hours from friends. About the same as we are now for most siblings.

Currently about 2.5-3hrs away.

I know I don’t meet your criteria, but we move regularly for dh’s work. Three interstate moves in the last 5 yrs and potentially again at the end of this year.

The hardest part for me is making local connections. We don’t have friends or family within 3000kms, so I do try really hard to build a village for the kids wherever we go.

New schools can be a challenge, Ds1 is on his third and has just started yr3. But I would take it slow, visit them all and find what fits your family. We just had 18mths of hell in one where ds was the proverbial square peg.

It is fun though, there’s nothing quite like a fresh start.

Is a trial year an option? Like for all the faults i can list of SA its only cos ive been here whole life and we bored. It is a great family city, slower pace of life, bit cheaper, better weather than Tas,

 

We have talked about moving over for a year or 2 first. Main thing is to not move kids once they are in high school.

I suppose I also worry about kids not having jobs in Adelaide or Tas. So much more to factor in with kids. I admit the slower, less crowded and just the smallness of the cities really appeal to us.

It does depend on what they wanna do jobs wise but it's also not unusual for kids to move for work

We also looked at where did me and dp wanna be once dd left home, it wasn't in SA, so while dd job wants played into it, it wasn't everything, just so happens they land in same type of place at this point. Who knows dd may do something else and leave QLD in general.

Something to take into account @Mocha is there is no guarantee that your family and friends (unlikely to be all of them) wouldn't move away from you. I don't mean that as an insult at all. I wasn't born in Sydney, but did grown up here and still live here almost 60 years later.

None of my 5 surviving siblings live in Sydney. First one moved overseas 50 years ago as a young adult, last one left 15 years ago on retirement I'm the only one left in the big smoke.

Do what's best for you and your family - your extended family members and friends will likely do the same for their's.

I am not the type to easily pick up and move as evidenced by the fact we have recently moved from our first home we bought together and lived in for 40 + years.

I liked being near to our community, children, friends and work and I did not want to uproot the children from their schools, their jobs, their sporting teams and their friends.

We are still within 45 minutes of our furthest child and that is far enough.

It worked for us, it will not work for everyone, there are so many variable.

Something to take into account @Mocha is there is no guarantee that your family and friends (unlikely to be all of them) wouldn't move away from you. I don't mean that as an insult at all. I wasn't born in Sydney, but did grown up here and still live here almost 60 years later.

None of my 5 surviving siblings live in Sydney. First one moved overseas 50 years ago as a young adult, last one left 15 years ago on retirement I'm the only one left in the big smoke.

Do what's best for you and your family - your extended family members and friends will likely do the same for their's.

Thank you, it’s definitely true what you say... it’s more me actually. I am an introvert who finds it hard to make new friends. I have a very small but super close set of friends, they are all hardcore melburnians who will never leave. Honestly. They have their businesses and life here and even when we were younger, I was the only one in the who did the whole travel and work overseas.

It was easy moving when I was younger and single knowing it is temporary. So much harder now because the older I get, the harder I find to make new friends and I am worried I will end up very lonely.

On regards to making friends, it deoends if you have some anchor/ hobby/ sport. I know some people who use their church/ religion to make new friends in new places. Sport can as well. But also it depends on the place. I moved to Singapore for a couple of years and the expat community, being transient, were all for making frkends. I just joined the Australian and New Zealand Asdociation and through their cycling club, DH and I made lots of friends.

But coming here to Melbourne, it's been much harder as everyone seems friendly but not inclusive. We couldn't find a cycljng club that suited us ( it was either hardcore road warriors or slow going ramblers) where in Singapore and NZ we had clubs for everyone inbetween. Most of my friends here in Melbourne are from my mother's group or DHs work collegues that we clicked with.

Thank you, it’s definitely true what you say... it’s more me actually. I am an introvert who finds it hard to make new friends. I have a very small but super close set of friends, they are all hardcore melburnians who will never leave. Honestly. They have their businesses and life here and even when we were younger, I was the only one in the who did the whole travel and work overseas.

It was easy moving when I was younger and single knowing it is temporary. So much harder now because the older I get, the harder I find to make new friends and I am worried I will end up very lonely.

Given you find it hard to make friends, I'd suggest stay where you are. Out experience moving away was that it was no easier for us to make friends in a new setting. This despite it being a very easy place to meet friendly people. It takes people a long time to get to appreciate me for all my quirks and although I am happy with my friends, it took a long tome to find tham and this was the same for the other members of my family who are slow to form friendships.

If you do go for just one or two years, don't let people in the new town know this as it puts up a barrier to forming relationships. People are less likely to bother if they know you will move on. I learned this the hard way, which is ironic as we have been here almost a decade now, with so many others long gone.

Regarding Tasmania, if any of you have health issues, it is worth finding out if you will need to go to the mainland for treatment/ specialist visits.

Anyone moved away from all their family and friends with kids (primary school) in their 40s to start over? Permanent move not temporary.

How far away did you move? Did you love it? Hate it? Regretted it and moved back?

Did you make close friends again?

Moved 900km away from family. Kids were 2.5yo and 6 months old. Have been here for 12 years now. Wouldn't go back. Never regretted it. Haven't made a huge number of friends, but the friends we have made are pretty damn good.

I found it hardest making friends with people who come from the area, who already have family/friends here and who have lived here most of their life. It was much easier to make friends with other people who have recently moved to the area and didn't have much social support (because they weren't already committed with family/existing friends). We have become the social support for each other.

Yes a few times but admittedly none of us have lived near each other for years so we were quite used to it. My parents moved away from Sydney in 2000, sibling lives in Qld, I've lived in nz, qld and stuck on the coast atm (back to nz when i can) , 2 siblings in Sydney, one is talking about moving away. People do their own thing so I do mine..

Oh and I've never regretted a thing..maybe my qld move as I didn't enjoy that 2 years but still an experience