Settle an argument - bed times.

You know these threads are always fun.

Seriously, bed time for a nine year old? Let's just say there are two views in the household, and the disagreement is causing tension.

Part of the problem (from one parent's point of view) is that not aiming for an earlier bedtime tends to make bedtime even later than intended, as routine and keeping on track are something of an ongoing issue...

For us we aim for 8.30/9. It’s often 9.30/10 by the time we go through the motions. Melatonin helps, if we can get her to take it. We have ASD and anxiety in the mix.

Ah, bedtimes. DC 1 and 3 it was a work backwards process. We wanted them to sleep until 6am ish. There was a time if we had them in bed before which meant they woke up earlier (this was in bed, still to do books etc). After this time they would still wake at 6ish, before this they woke earlier by huge amounts. DC2 could have done sleep as an Olympic sport till mid teens.

Yeah for ds the earlier we put him to bed the longer he kept him self awake

So for 9 he was probably 9pm (can't remember exact)

I'd be aiming for no later than an 8pm bedtime for a 9 year old, although my children (now grown up) all went to bed very early by others standards.

When my oldest was in prep she was still going to bed at 6.30 pm along with her two little brothers. When the youngest was in prep he wasn't going off at 6.30pm though. It's harder to manage when there are older siblings, particularly if they are reasonably close in age.

7:30pm here for that age.

We are up early though. Kids often awake at 6am, rarely after 7am. On the bus by 7:40.

Our 9yo is in bed by 9, then reads/listens to music til about 9.30 on school nights.

Following.

Our 8yr old (9 in July) currently goes to his bedroom at 7 when I put his brother to bed and plays quietly/reads until 7.30ish. Is usually asleep by 8.

I’m not ready for that to change!

My 8yo goes to bed at 9pm. He has ADHD and struggles to fall asleep so I moved his bed time from 8pm. He will be asleep any time from 9:30pm to 11pm and up at 7am.

I would aim for in bed by 7.30 - lights off by 8.

Does she read to herself at night? Does it help?

I try to also consider the morning. If she wakes at the right time easily and not grumpy, I consider that enough.

Usually 9 pm here, sometimes a little earlier or later. ASD and melatonin in the mix here. A big night's sleep is 10 hours, usually it ranges from 8 to 11 hours, so we aim for 9 pm until 7 am.

We work backwards too, it depends on when they need to wake up. During lock down bed times were pushed back by an hour or two as they didn't need to wake up so early.

DS who is 9 in a few months goes to bed about 8pm to read then lights out at about 8.30, or straight to bed at 8.30 if he's not reading. We keep a similar schedule for school holidays as it's too hard to get them back on schedule.

DS will keep the same schedule for the rest of the year until we notice that he's not falling asleep as easily at 8.30pm.

Just adding, we give melatonin half an hour before bedtime and we stick to a routine with toothbrushing and bed tuck in.

We aim for bed at 8pm, read until 8:30. He's up at 6am usually.

My kids are younger (5 &7), so it’s a 7pm ish bedtime here for a 6.30am/7am wake-up. Can stretch to 7.30pm, but if you push it too much later than that they wake up earlier & are horrid at the moment.

But how early do you guys have to be up to get to school/work on time?

Google suggests 10 hours sleep on average for a 9 year old, so if you have to be up at 6, you’d want them in bed no later than 7.30 pm to give them wind down time.

7;30 - 8:00. Lights out no later than 8:00.

8.30 during the week but can stay up later weekends or holidays.

Not sure if it will help your argument, but try pushing that bed time isn’t sleep time. Bed time is “get out of my face I’m sick of you” time, And they can read quietly until a reasonable sleep time.

So I’d say maybe 8pm “bed time” and actual sleep time would be later, but you don’t care, cause as long as they don’t leave their room, and wake up happy, you don’t care.

I only have a toddler but I’ve taught 9 year olds. Most of them went to bed between 8 and 9. I can’t recall ever having any before 8.

Pretty sure ours were going to bed at 8pm at 9yo. The eldest may have been 7.30pm because with younger siblings it is easier to have them all in bed earlier. Then 20-30 minutes reading time.

I agree with whichever parent thinks you need to at least aim for a bedtime or else it is too easy for it to get way too late. I get annoyed with DH who always starts complicated board games with the kids half an hour before bedtime and then everyone ends up late to bed. Fine for a weekend but why would you do that on a Monday night?!?!

Is the kid super tired in the morning? For me that would guide what I would do.

How much sleep does the child need? What time do they wake up/need to be up in the morning? Work backwards from that.

DD is almost 7 and I struggle to get her into bed at what I would call a proper hour for her age. However she gets 10-11 hours sleep a night and seems to be doing fine on that. So I shrug my shoulders and continue on doing my best.

6 year old has a story around 7:45pm and lights out at 8pm. Almost 9 year old is reading in bed from 8:30-8:45 and lights out at 9pm. Both wake somewhere between 7-7:30pm. Both kids don't have any issue with going straight to sleep. So 10+ hours for the almost 9 year old and 11+ hours for the 6 year old.

our 9 yr old is in bed (give or take) by 9 pm on a week - school - night. that can stretch out to 10 pm on friday/saturday nights and school holidays. the school night 9 pm bedtime is a bit fluid..he’s showered, teeth cleaned, in pj’s by then, we generally get him into bed, but he can be reading or just generally fooling around in bed for an hour. we do occasionally yell down to him “if we can’t hear you we don’t know you’re still awake!”. edited to add - no electronics are allowed in his room tho - so he’s either reading or doing god knows what his pokémon cards or beyblades - but no screen.

Not sure if it will help your argument, but try pushing that bed time isn’t sleep time. Bed time is “get out of my face I’m sick of you” time, And they can read quietly until a reasonable sleep time.

 

I completely agree with this approach. Dropping to rope on the sleeping part if bedtime made bed time sooooo much easier for everyone.

That said, at 9 DD was in her room from 8:30. Almost always asleep by 9.