Are family holidays relaxing?

DS whinges sometimes so we have him pick some things he wants to do ie miniature golf, go to a gift shop, have a swim and we fit this in with dragging him around a gallery or going to a antique shop, bribing him with cake

the touristy things he seems to like

lol you know a 'family' holiday is never about you right! Book the kids at a club or nanny and do the stuff you want to do. that's how you do it properly

lol you know a 'family' holiday is never about you right! Book the kids at a club or nanny and do the stuff you want to do. that's how you do it properly

Yep My most relaxing ‘family holidays’ have involved nannies, and other staff to do all the drudgery.

When the kids were little, I remember a holiday at a resort where we had the nanny do all the boring stuff like dressing and sunscreening the kids for swimming. I would stroll off and go via the gift shop/bar/gardens and meet the family at the pool. I would get to read on the sun loungers while the nanny was in the water within arms reach. I could look up and wave or answer questions as needed but essentially get to read guilt free. Afterwards, the nanny would dry them off and take them back to our room for a bath and get dressed. Again, I could laze by the pool and take my time getting back.

Even sending the kids to kids club, having a nanny meet us at breakfast meant that I didn’t have to rush eating or deal with impatient children. The nanny would take them to kids club and stay with them.

It all adds to the cost though.

Our camping holidays are relaxing because we are so removed from ‘civilisation’ and life is simplified but it is a lot of work. I don’t find it relaxing because we are still doing the never ending cooking and cleaning, but they are worthwhile trips. I carve out time each day to be alone and read because the quiet nourishes me.

We generally organise our family holidays to include either my parents (and often my siblings and their kids), or DH's parents.

That way there's extra hands and people to pass the kids around to so that everyone can get some sort of break. This only work because we all have generally good relationships and boundaries though. And by the end of the holiday we are all ready to separate again

I don't find travel relaxing, and I don't even have kids! It's fun and exciting and exhausting and memorable, but it's not relaxing. Like a PP said, when you've spent thousands of dollars on something it's hard to put that out of your head, and when you're tired/sunburnt/hungover/sick of rich food then you either whinge, and get accused of whinging, or you chill out back at the accom, but then you sit there thinking "I could do this at home for free".

If I want to relax then I take time off work and hang out at home, go to movies, museums, day trips etc. If I want to experience the destination of a holiday then I travel, but I don't expect to relax much.

I find them relaxing but with the caveat that I've always refused to do most of the work, DH is not the sort to pout and expect it of me, we've never been on a Big Proper Overseas Holiday (we were working one out, then you-know-what happened) and they've all been at caravan parks or MIL's timeshare, and we factor in loads of takeaway.

I'm not bloody cooking and DH knows that if he wants a cheaper home-cooked meal, he'll be the one BBQing it (and he does a great job). Jetsonistan child labour laws mean salad-making and washing up fall to the children. I tend to organise stuff, and know what we can and can't afford. It helps that our idea of a good time is to pootle off to the local markets, return home laden with smallgoods and evil cheeses to dine on (and junk we've all bought, lol) and then laze about reading in the afternoon. If I do want to go to a museum the kids tolerate it for a while, then DH tends to take them to the park so I can keep looking around (occasionally vice versa).

When we went to MIL's timeshare it was far less relaxing as she had to come to everything and that woman never stops talking, including about how expensive it is to eat out (at all) and how the food is all bad for you and will give you diabetes.

Anyway, here's a term I found in the Atlas Obscura (which DH got me for Christmas, 10/10 would recommend) in a section on constructed languages:

"Leadan is American science-fiction writer Suzette Haden Elgin's experimental answer to the feminist hypothesis that existing languages are inadequate for conveying the breadth of female experience. The language, created in 1982, includes words like radiidin, defined as "a time [that is] allegedly a holiday but actually so much a burden because of work and preparations that it is a dreaded occasion; especially when there are too many guests and none of them help".

First thing I thought of when I saw the thread title!

With 5 kids we have kept our expectations very very low and it seems to work .we know it's going go be same shit different location ....but with a twist .

Last holiday was a holiday house near the Murray with a pool .we don't have a pool and the kids love it . The are happy to stay most of the day in it .small local trips about looking at the attractions ( most free) we make sure the houses we rent ate fully self sufficient and get lots of takeaway other than eating out or fire up the BBQ .

Next holiday is near the beach so it's another novelty .

Big overseas holidays DH and I go separately and bring one or two of the older kids with us.

At the end of next year me and my 13 year old daughter hope to go to the USA ( i took my eldest daughter in 2019)

Hope is the key word .

I always recall my childhood family holidays with fondness. One special thing was that dad really gave mum a holiday. Mum didn't cook a thing at all on holidays, only occasionally helping prepare sandwiches for lunch for us all.

Dad always cooked breakfast and we generally ate out or had takeaways for dinner.

We kids and dad helped clean the holiday house. We would go for a month to Noosa in a little bombs holiday house near the beach (they don't exist there anymore).

I know mum did have a relaxing time as dad took the role of keeping us kids amused.

Was a very chilled holiday.

Nowadays I can't believe people cook regular meals on holidays (understand brekky cooked in the unit).

But I know $$$ are an issue. Might be why my parents didn't really have any money to leave us kids - was spent on our childhood.

Oh yeah. I do not cook meals on holiday. I'll prep nibbles for wine time and fix a quick basic toast/sammich but nope. Not dinner. Nope nope.

ETA: I also have a totally ruthless cost/benefit analysis. Anything less than 4 nights, that requires us to pack up all the kids stuff, obtain food, make sure general housework is done before we go, drive 2 hours to get there, unpack/set up, do nothing in particular, cook & clean while we are there, pack up and drive the 2 hours back to then do the rest of the work that we rushed on Friday evening plus holiday washing is a hell no.

This is why we don't ever camp, own a caravan or a shack.

We have cooked meals on holidays but spaghetti Bolognese or chilli or microwave curries (the woolsworths ones are yummy), we usually have a main meal at lunch out and have snacks in the evening or go to a RSL/Bowling/pub type place early evening

I used to love airports and planes but just find them a means to an end now and get bored in the first hour

They are now my youngest is 8.

When they were little it wasn't relaxing, but still good and better than every day life.

Edited for privacy

I have only one kid, so our big last overseas trip to Malaysia was when he was 5. It was great as we budgeted to eat out and stay at a hotel ( doable in Malaysia, it's cheap enough). We only had to have one room, we had a pool and a playground onsite and lots of places to walk. Only draw back was that DS didn't handle the humidity too well and stopped eating. He's also great and not wanting everything he sees, I have always gone to toy shops and just let him look, but we never brought stuff so he's used to it. He's also used to walking around shops, we just make sure if we did do that, we always did something he would like to do as well.

We only planned one thing to do each day and mostly hung around the pool or played in the room. The travelling part on the airplane was a bit tortuous, but one kid holidays can be relaxing.

Family holidays are not very relaxing with small children... but they improve a lot when the kids are a bit older (8+). Not having to worry about kids naps was a game changer!

It is important to always factor in down time (go do something in the morning, then a rest, then play in the pool / beach etc before dinner. )

Now my kids are a bit older they help plan the trip - for big overseas trips they make powerpoint presentations of where they want to go and why. Even for shorter trips they like to look up good places to go and what to do at the destination.

Due to COVID, the last holidays we've had were years ago and our youngest was still napping. Between our two kids, all of our holidays for the last 7 years always had to be planned around naps and packing bottles and nappies and portacots etc. We haven't been able to enjoy the newfound freedom of them being a bit older yet.

The last holiday we had was with the in-laws and there was the 4 of us crammed into one tiny room with all of our luggage and nowhere to put all of it. Sharing a teeny bathroom that had no exhaust fan and just steamed up with every shower with BIL and his wife and kids.

We do have a big family holiday interstate planned for later in the year with my parents and siblings which will be the first holiday in 10-12 years with no children napping, wearing nappies or needing bottles etc so we are all hoping that it will be much easier and less work. My sister is a control freak and her husband is super-stubborn so they always add extra stress to any big family holiday.

But yes I find family holidays stressful because the kids always act up when they are out of routine, everyone sleeps badly in unfamiliar beds and there is the pressure of 'enjoying yourself because its a holiday', So yes I always seem to crack at some point during pretty much every holiday to varying degrees lol.

I used to find them extremely stressful

Ex DH barely helped with packing ( only his own ); he wanted to relax on his holiday; kids usually shared a room so more fighting ; we never stayed anywhere fancy so it was hard to cook in a tiny kitchen with one blunt knife etc . Some places had curtains like tissues so no sleeping in. And coming home with loads of washing hard.

An on my own and girls older now but I’d try to find a place with washing machine if a longer holiday; yeah it sux to wash on holidays but maybe more time to do it rather than come back with no clean clothes. Maybe a meal in freezer ready for your return.

And give kids a spending allowance to stop them pestering you for treats, souvenirs etc

Nowadays I can't believe people cook regular meals on holidays (understand brekky cooked in the unit).

I have a kid with allergies so sometimes self catering is good for my peace of mind.

These days, the regular housework burden isn’t all on me so cooking during holidays can be fun. Like [mention]Jane Jetson[/mention] we enjoy going to the local markets, finding interesting food and going home to consume it. Our kids are old enough to be left in the accommodation while DH and I head off to the markets or breakfast at 6am. Sometimes our youngest will come with us and get some 2 on 1 attention.

I love restaurants but resent paying tourist prices for below average fare in some touristy places. We also tend to holiday for longer periods and get sick of rich foods as well. My kids are willing to eat simple to prepare meals so, so long as we have access to good fresh produce, it’s simple to pull together an easy meal. They also help with the prep and clean up so it’s good family time and not just me slaving away by myself.

I never found family holidays relaxing - this is reflection from when my daughter was younger. Generally my in-laws would come too - so MIL and FIL and usually a SIL or two plus their partners and sometimes their partner's parents. The in-laws never wanted to spend big on holiday places but i refused to get a one room shack ten kms from the beach to save money as privacy was my main requirement (as i usually always needed a place to hide in at some point). It was so exhausting! I would be cooking up to three meals a day and cleaning up after several people as well as being the activity co-ordinator. It usually ended up in tears for me as I would have very little space to myself and little time to sit down. There were always some family drama going on, like the SIL who would not eat anything she had not made herself, she would just sit there at watch you eat in cafes with no food (although usually she ate off her mother's plate, perhaps a cost saving exercise???). FIL always complained about something (the food, the weather, the place, his bowel movements).

I drew the line at camping - no friggin way.

Gosh, the IL drama sounds so familiar. I remember one time DH put his foot down and said that we weren’t ’t to be burdened with all the cooking duties. So FIL suggested that we should roster the evening meals and one family group cater for everyone, lunches were meant to be out and breakfast was a self cater for your family thing.

SIL cracked the shits and had a massive tantrum about how much more work it would be for her compared to us because she had to fly in (she had a 2hr flight, we had a 3hr drive). I said ok, I’ll cover her rostered dinners and then she cracked the shits again because I was a control freak who had to have everything my way and wouldn’t let her cook. Uurrgghhh.

I have not missed not having extended family holidays.

Oh and the other issue, catering for allergies when going out. Walking up to resturants, looking at the menu, declaring there's nothing the allergy person can eat and making us with hungry people in tow walk on.

You have a phone and internet plan, look up local resturants BEFORE we leave for dinner and check the menus.

Main reason I don't like huge family holidays. I don't blame the child with the allergy, but the adult also with allergies could step up and help research.

No, holidays with young children are not relaxing. We have taken our girls back to NZ to visit all the family over ther since they were babies. I thought babies needed a lot of stuff when they were just at home but travelling babies need even more stuff ! Formula and bottles and changes of clothes and nappies and dummies for when we are on the plane. Lugging portacots and suitcases and backpacks in and out of airports and dealing with screaming toddlers and babies who only fell asleep right before we went through customs and had to take the baby out of the front pack and put that on the ducking conveyer belt to be scanned.

Staying somewhere 'new' and both kids couldn't get to sleep because it was 'new'. Ended up sleeping on the floor in their bedroom to try and get them to sleep. Woke up with a crick in my back and neck that has never fully recovered.

Only as the girls got older and we stopped going to see family that holidays actually became fun. I learnt a couple of lessons along the way - I discovered the joy of staying in accommodation similar to home - so a country cottage or a serviced apartment. If we were going to stay for a few nights, I wanted a proper kitchen and laundry. We would do activities in the morning and then lunch - if DH and the kids wanted to go to the zoo / movies / somewhere else in the afternoon - they could do that and I would stay at home watching TV and chilling out. We would either make an early dinner or go out early to eat. Back home and bath / reading / bed - it made a massive difference.

There are 2 ways to have a relaxing holiday with kids.

First is to go somewhere where all meals are prepared for you, there is a kids club (which your kids are old enough to attend) or other child minding service, and laundry is done for you. Pre Covid we had a few days in a game reserve in South Africa where this was the case and it was the best holiday ever.

Second - you go somewhere where the kids can run free and you go in the sort of group where there are some kids that are old enough to be a bit responsible but will still stay with the younger ones. Generally you then have to let all standards of hygiene and responsible parenting go out the window but it tends to work quite well. Almost always involves camping.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

No

Hell to the no.

All the pre holiday planning and packing fell to me. Dh would his own packing and not much else even happily declaring he had finished packing and me flying around like a blue arsed fly.

The most recent ‘holidays’ had me exhausted and wanting to come home early and when they finally finished I couldn’t wait to get home.

I got the kids enlisted in the unpacking but there was still crap left over to do plus mountains of washing.

We very rarely go on holidays and if they happen they are longer than three nights, youngest in respite and we are rediscovering hotels where everything is done for you.

However I cannot wait for the kid free holidays because kid plus holiday is a contradiction in terms as they need regular feeding, activities must be suitable and the fighting and whinging I could do without not to mention the dreaded packing and unpacking both of which I detest.

Nah, it's the same stuff but the four walls are different, pretty much.

I agree with a budget for kids to spend, that works well.

Also, allocate times for each parent (if both are there) to be totally responsible for the kids, if they're still old enough to need supervision.

The times we've had two it was my daughter and my niece, and they get on well, so didn't have what many parents have with their kids at each others' throats - it was actually easier as they gabbled together in the back. Taking your kids away for a treat and having them make it a misery in the back seat sounds like a special kind of hell.

No, especially those where you have to take your own linen. That is a complete palaver.

And I agree with the PP who said 3 days isn’t a holiday. It’s a weekend away.

Agree. I would never consider that a holiday.

A short break? Sure.

A circuit breaker? Maybe.

A change of scenery? Possibly.

A holiday? Nope, no way.

I reckon I need to have at least a week, preferably 2 weeks or more before I consider it a holiday.

And DH has figured out that it is better if we ALL pitch in BEFORE we go away to get washing and housework up-to-date before we leave if he wants me in a good mood during the holiday, LOL! I do not like leaving my home in a mess, nor do I like coming back to my home in a mess.